The Rudest People On Earth

“They are the rudest people on Earth.”

“Customer service doesn’t even exist here.”

“As a whole, they are unfriendly, unhelpful, and will go out of their way to ignore you.”

These quotes are from fellow ex-pats. They’re usually spoken with dripping disdain, eye rolls, and a seething bitterness. The expats are convinced they’ve had the unfortunate luck of moving to the worst country in the world. The catch?

I’ve heard these same phrases repeated regardless of which country I’ve lived in.

I’ve heard the same complaints from Americans about French people, Belgians, the Dutch, Germans, the Spanish, Norwegians, Panamanians and Peruvians.

What’s happening?

The new expats have moved to a new country, full of hope. They feel like a fish out of water, but it’s exciting. Then they’re smacked with the cultural nuances they don’t find exotic or charming. The food is different, the cities are organized in a confusing way, they don’t know where to find anything and everything takes twice as long to accomplish. And while they’re reeling from these unpleasant changes, they take for granted what they know about culture. Some nuances are so subtle they find it hard to accept they’re a cultural difference, and instead think of them as rude.

Most people are prepared for some cultural differences, but they’re unaware of how deep culture goes.

Let’s review.

What’s covered by culture?

The easy answers are: language, religion, history, traditions, food, and social norms. The difficult answers are more nuanced. Personal boundaries, personal space, how you apply for a job, what is considered friendly and rude, and how you interact with a stranger can vary from city to city and country to country. This can apply to everything from things you see, like how much personal space is normal, to things you don’t, like trust.

One of the problems

As ex-pats, while we know all countries are different, we tend to lump together groups of countries. Those with the same religion or language, for example. Some of these countries are connected by similar histories, but some other markers can be completely arbitrary. “Western” countries are often lumped together, along with “African” countries, or “Eastern” countries. All three of those groupings span dozens of languages, cultures, and histories, and there are more differences than there are similarities. But the stereotypes remain, and with it come the misunderstandings.

The not-so-friendly truth

Friendliness and how you treat strangers are both completely cultural. There’s no one ‘friendly’ way and one ‘rude’ way to deal with people. It all depends on where you live. In France or Spain, it might be rude not to say ‘Bonjour’ or “Buenos dias’ when you enter a shop, but in other countries it might be considered attention seeking. In some cultures it’s not rude to point, but in others it is. (In fact, if I had a nickel for every time my mother slapped my hand for pointing at someone when I was a kid, I would be a wealthy woman.)

My experience

As an American ex-pat in Norway, I haven’t had to deal with huge cultural differences, but I’ve had to adapt to lots of little ones. And even after having been here for three years, I’m still finding more. Sometimes I wonder if it isn’t the countries who are the most similar that are the hardest to acclimate to because it’s so easy to forget you’re in a different environment. But that’s probably better suited for another article.

Regardless, there are differences in social norms between the U.S. and Norway. How you interact with strangers are maybe some of the biggest ones. In Norway, lots of eye contact, oversharing, loud greetings, and talking to strangers at a bus stop are not common. In some situations, you might not be acknowledged at all by the other person, whether it’s in a waiting room, picking up your child from daycare, or passing them in your apartment building. The introvert in me has loved this. Instead of doing the awkward ‘should I or shouldn’t I’ dance of making small talk, in Norway I know it’s perfectly acceptable to just not. But this doesn’t make them rude. For me, it doesn’t even make them unfriendly because once you make an effort (or are put in a situation where you have to), then Norwegians are friendly, helpful and caring. More so, even, than my American counterparts because they aren’t trying to impress you or have a conversation just to fill the silence.

And that’s where I’ve found my lovely, fellow ex-pats miss the mark. There is no universal standard for being friendly. Yes, some people are jerks. But, that’s true in every country. On the whole, most people want to be friendly, it just might be that they approach it in a different way than we’re used to. As a long-term ‘visitor’ in their country, ex-pats have to take the responsibility to recognize those cultural differences. You can’t expect everyone to behave exactly the same way as they do back home.

Takeaway

A lot of people overlook friendliness when they consider cultural differences. But, how you relate to strangers and how you approach friendship changes from country to country. Before you rant about how rude the people are, give yourself time to learn those nuances. Giving your new country the benefit of the doubt in tough situations won’t hurt either.

Use your own cultural pattern as a last resort.