HEALING
The Road to Healing
A few more miles
Healing from illness is a journey that can take a toll on someone physically, emotionally, and mentally. I’ve experienced this personally along my winding, arduous road toward healing. My path was often marked by setbacks and obstacles that sometimes compelled me to give up. I’m thankful I continued the journey.
I am approaching the end of a long road. Though still in the tunnel, I can see a light in the distance. The past several years of my life have been wrought with illness. The past few days have been filled with confusion. I am now on the verge of recovery and complete healing.
A Few More Miles
My urologist had scheduled a cystoscopy months ago as a diagnostic tool to find the cause of my pain and inability to walk. The dilemma I faced was whether or not to put myself through that annoying procedure since it now seemed unnecessary. My health problem had already been resolved as a pelvic floor issue. I had no symptoms, no pain, and already felt completely healed. But my instincts said I should follow through with the cystoscopy anyway, just in case. I’m glad I listened to my inner voice.
The urologist discovered an aggressive tumor on the wall of my bladder during the cystoscopy. A normal bladder is pinkish in color. My entire bladder wall and urethra were blood-red inflamed. A few days ago, I had a Trans urethral resection of the bladder tumor, which was removed. Considering I was asymptomatic and felt I had already been healed, I almost canceled this procedure. It’s a miracle this tumor was found.
I had some postsurgical issues with bleeding and fever that have now been resolved. I felt spaced out and confused for several days and unable to concentrate, but the mental fog is beginning to lift today. I feel a bit spacy as I write this, so I apologize if anything is unclear.
I have an indwelling foley catheter as my bladder heals. As a nurse, I know the importance of the catheter for the next two weeks. It prevents scar tissue from sealing my urethra. However, as a patient, I’m always one second away from ripping out this annoying tube.
Once the catheter is removed and my bladder heals, I hope that will end this long road. I’m looking forward to reaching the end of this tunnel and having good health for a while.
This specific illness began towards the end of 2021. Since that time, I’ve seen eight specialists. They’ve done X-rays, MRIs, and CT scans, both with and without contrast, with multiple views of different areas. A neurosurgeon performed two spinal ablations last year, along with three other procedures. My orthopedic doctor finally diagnosed the correct problem and initiated treatment. I wrote about that experience in a previous article. If all else fails, sometimes the process of elimination works.
Drawn Closer to God
This has been a trying and exhausting few years. It has taught me that I can’t see through road barriers or around corners, so I have to rely on God and my instincts to direct my path.
In hindsight, I wonder if I would change anything. This experience has led me to greater faith in God. I feel closer to my Father than I have ever felt in my life. I do not believe that God makes bad things happen, and I do not believe the experience itself led me closer to Him. I believe I had a choice, and I chose to draw closer to God during this time. Seeking help from a higher power renews my strength and builds my endurance.
Last year my illness reached a severity that prevented me from roasting coffee for my coffee clients. I had prayed and sought more passive forms of income during that time. I had some stocks and ETFs, but I decided it was time to step up my game. I became more active in managing my portfolio and reaped great rewards from it, enough to buy another flip house to sell. Regardless of my illness, I could work and produce an income. I put forth the work, and my prayers were answered.
Illness Has a Voice
As I approach the end of my healing journey, I reflect on the experience and the lessons I’ve learned along the way. At times the road was washed out, and there seemed no way forward. I’m taking some time to acknowledge any unresolved emotions and frustration I’ve felt during those times. It’s a bit early to celebrate, but I am thankful for how far I’ve come on this journey.
Over the past few days, I’ve been shaky with chills and fever due to substantial blood loss. I lacked mental clarity, and it caused me to feel like I was “out of it,” for lack of a better descriptor. I have been irritable, highly emotional, and irrational at intervals over the past three days. All I can say about that is I’m glad God and everyone else knows I’m human. I’ll leave you with the following lessons I’ve learned.
Illness has a voice that only Compassion can hear. Pain speaks a language that only Love can interpret. Healing delivers a message that only patience can understand.
Thank you for reading. I wish you all good health, prosperity in every aspect of life, love, and happiness. Have a wonderful week.
Mia Verita, 2023
This has been my response to The Journey of Life March Prompt for Reciprocal, “Dangerous Disease.” I hope you’ve enjoyed it.
Thank you, Sahil Patel, for this timely prompt. Sahil has asked writers to “Share a reflective essay about a sickness that you or a loved one has suffered, examining your feelings, ideas, and experiences during the diagnosis, treatment, and recovery processes.”
I invite other writers to share their experiences regarding sickness.
Thank you to the hardworking editors of Reciprocal, Sahil Patel, Dr. Preeti Singh, and Yana Bostongirl, for hosting this story.
Daniel Lai shared this beautiful story explaining why we should be humble.
Séverin Makengo shared this encouraging story on training ourselves to be compassionate.
Mia Verita enjoys photography, sketching, writing poetry, and sharing inspirational stories.
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