The Problem With “Nice Guys”

“Nice guys always finish last”

This is a common phrase used in everyday life. You may wonder why women seem to dislike the “nice guy” persona. At the end of the day, you’re just trying to do right in life, right?

Masking Your Inner Self:

The main issue is that you are hiding behind a facade. If you are purposely putting an over-the-top effort in your search for love you are going to come off as desperate. You don’t need to change who you are to find love.

Do you see yourself as a “nice guy”? Or are you on the opposite side where “nice guys” are approaching you? If you are a “nice guy”, you may often ponder why you have been unsuccessful in your search for love. The main question you need to ask yourself is this…

Are you the type of “nice guy” that women tend to avoid?

Out of 100% of “nice guys” in this world, almost all of them will have an image of perfection. Unfortunately, the truth hurts on this one…

You are not as perfect as you think you are.

You need to stop being so annoyed at the world. If you are constantly trying to please women you are masking your inner identity. Let your personality shine. Drop the stigma that all women are liars and only want “bad boys”. This is because the “bad boys” aren’t masking their persona and they know what they’re getting themselves in for. The world isn’t an unfair place, you have set your expectations too high.

It can also come off as “people pleasing” Typically, a “nice guy” is the kind of person that is a great friend. The “nice guy” persona will always put you at a disadvantage because not only are you being untrue to other people…

You aren’t being true to yourself.

An over-exertion of niceness is a common “turn-off”. You are purposely halting your life and missing out on crucial memories for the pursuit of love. Love is a natural process that you cannot force.

Of course, women are looking for nice men, but they don’t want men to be overboard. It just doesn’t feel natural. Men who try to play to the character give off a terrible impression as everybody wants authenticity in life. I leave you with this question…

How can a woman fall in love with a person who isn’t real?

The Friend Zone Cycle:

At the end of the day, if you are a “nice guy” who wants to find love you need to brush up on your care skills. If you don’t, you are condemning yourself to a vicious cycle of meeting a new person and falling directly into the friend zone.

If you don’t respect yourself enough to be authentic, don’t expect things to fall into your lap. You have to match the other person’s authenticity with your own to truly work out if they are the one for you. Stop making fun of yourself and putting yourself down to receive compliments. “Nice guys” are easy to ignore and push around as they are likely to be defensive and sometimes even submissive towards women.

Naturally, masking your inner self can lead to a major build-up of emotions. Eventually, “nice guys” may lash out at women and blame them for always picking the “bad boys”. This feeling is often accompanied by extreme jealousy towards any man who communicates with them. Heaven forbid the woman falls in love with somebody else. All I would say is from personal experience, my ex-partner was bombarded with messages and “love bombs” to try and entice her back in.

“Nice Guys” = “Plain Jane”:

Often, “nice guys” tend to be incredibly boring. When you meet somebody and you begin to fall in love, you want to learn about each other and share stories. Expect a “nice guy” to ask many questions about your life. “Nice guys” tend to mould their personalities around your hobbies and interests. This can come off as unsettling and sometimes very creepy.

At the end of the day, a woman wants a man who is in control of their life and isn’t dependent on others. Although co-dependency is essential in life, as humans, we need to be able to stand on our own two feet.

“Nice Guy” Conflict:

Don’t expect the “Nice Guy” to tell you they’re jealous. Much of the time they are meticulous and will wait until you have fallen in love with somebody else to strike. In the UK, if the “Nice Guy” does attack you online or in person, notify them via text, letter, or email that you do not want to have any contact with them, and if they do continue it will be perceived as harassment.

Harassment is a crime, if you have placed boundaries with somebody they need to honour them. If they continue to attack you after you have forewarned them you can contact your local police force via 101 (UK) and can file a harassment claim. Usually, the police will directly communicate with your attacker and issue a warning. Hopefully, if you are being harassed this helps to put you at some ease that help is out there.

“Good men are good to everybody. Nice guys are nice to their targets.” – Luke Davis

A Broader Perspective:

Women don’t necessarily “hate” nice guys, but why would they want to become intimate with somebody nervous and unconfident? We’re always going to be on the lookout for people who are likable and nice, so what is the point of forcing that? Men have no reason to be nice to a woman out of the blue unless there is a connection. Many women become wary of “nice guys” and with good reason. It’s good to do a kind act now and again, but by overwhelming your potential lover it’s more likely to just drive them away.

Stop trying to get in her pants. Open up about yourself, let it flow naturally and if she isn’t interested, move on. Your future partner should only be placed on a pedestal when she’s fallen in love with you.

Fear Of Rejection:

“Nice guys” have an undeniable fear of rejection. To put it bluntly, if nice guys focused on their self-confidence more they would be likely to find a lover. The only way a woman will fall in love with a “nice guy” is if the man drops the persona. Yes, some of the bad boys are assholes. Perhaps she does deserve better, so show her better! You’re no better than the asshole ex-partner if you’re going to be fake.

Face facts. She isn’t going to leave him and come running into your arms, so don’t make a move on her when she is fragile and upset. “Nice guys” want women to be vulnerable so they can make their moves and show them that they deserve to be treated well. Secretly, this is just a self-driven goal so he can get what he wants. “Nice guys” love trying to get the last laugh.

Nice guys, get over the fact that you weren’t the prom king. Now is the time to address misconceptions and to retrace your steps. Ask yourself this one crucial question…

Who am I?

Being “nice” may seem like a virtuous act, but when nice guys are wearing a cape that reeks of desperation, it will always backfire. Kindness isn’t meant to be presented behind a mask. Nobody is perfect and you can’t please everybody. Ultimately, being a “nice guy” should never mean sacrificing one’s own identity; identity is a natural process that allows us to become vulnerable whilst simultaneously becoming more confident. So yes, it is true…

Nice guys always finish last.