avatarRayne Sanning

Summary

In "The Princess and the Turtle," a mashup story by an undefined author, Princess Emiliana Voccia orchestrates a daring escape from her tower imprisonment with the help of a giant turtle and her beloved stable boy, amidst a siege by her own citizens demanding her release and right to marry freely.

Abstract

The story "The Princess and the Turtle" unfolds within the walls of a castle where Princess Emiliana has been locked away to preserve her virginity until marriage. After 82 days and 79 failed escape attempts, her determination is unwavering. Meanwhile, her parents, King and Queen Voccia, grapple with their decision to lock her up, with the Queen insisting on maintaining Emiliana's purity. The castle is unexpectedly besieged by its own citizens, rallying for the princess's freedom and her right to marry for love, specifically the stable boy. The situation escalates when the castle's 50-ft turtle, Bessie, is kidnapped and then used to aid Emiliana's escape. The Queen's plans are thwarted as Emiliana and the stable boy flee on Bessie's back, revealing that they have already consummated their love, defying the royal edict.

Opinions

  • The author satirizes the traditional fairy tale trope of locking away a princess to protect her purity, highlighting the absurdity and control exerted by the royal parents.
  • The citizens' uprising reflects a demand for personal freedom and the right to love whom one chooses, challenging the archaic and oppressive rules imposed by the monarchy.
  • The queen's obsession with her daughter's virginity and the king's reluctance to discuss such matters illustrate a stark contrast between the older generation's views and the more progressive desires of the younger characters.
  • The use of a giant turtle as a means of crossing the moat adds a whimsical and fantastical element to the story, while also serving as a literal and figurative bridge to the princess's freedom.
  • The princess's successful escape and her defiant revelation about her sexual encounters with the stable boy symbolize a victory of personal autonomy and young love over the constraints of royal duty and tradition.

Mashup #14

The Princess and the Turtle

What happens when a princess is locked inside a tower to protect her virginity?

Photo by Benjamin Elliott on Unsplash

Princess Emiliana Voccia opened her window and inhaled the invigorating night air. She could see a full moon as she used an arrowhead to scratch a thin line into the stone wall beside her. One mark per day indicated that she had been locked inside this miserable tower for 82 days.

“What shall I do tonight?” The princess asked herself. “I know! The same thing I do every night! TRY TO ESCAPE THIS BLOODY TOWER!!!!!” she screamed the answer to her own question as loudly as possible to vent her frustration. She had, in fact, made 79 unsuccessful attempts to escape the tower. The first three nights were spent in a state of paralyzed crying.

For tonight’s attempt, Emiliana had devised a plan involving a 2x4 that she had painstakingly pried off of the underside of her bed using her dinner cutlery.

Meanwhile, in the royal bedchamber…

King Voccia: “Do you think we’re being a little bit too harsh on our precious daughter? Maybe it’s time we release her from the tower?”

Queen Voccia smiled sweetly at her husband. “No, dear, that won’t be happening. We must be certain that the princess is a virgin before she marries Prince William and you know she was seen ogling our stable boy before we put her in that tower. It simply would not do for her to wind up pregnant with a peasant child, now would it?”

The king was kind, but traditional. He believed in having a healthy degree of mystery and denial regarding the bodily functions of the fairer sex. The mention of pregnancy, let alone his daughter’s (hypothetical) pregnancy caused him to turn a bright pink shade of embarrassment. He quickly dropped the subject and rolled over in the bed.

BAM! BAM! BAM!

“What the — ” The king wondered.

The knocker didn’t wait to be invited. He burst into the royal bedchamber, covered his eyes, and made his announcement:

“I’m so sorry for the interruption, your royal majesties” the messenger bowed awkwardly, still with one hand clamped tightly over his eyes. “I thought you should know right away! The castle appears to be under siege!”

“UNDER SIEGE!?!?!?!” blustered the king. “What do you mean? Under siege by whom? We haven’t been in conflict with any of the neighbouring kingdoms for decades!!!”

“Err, yes, well…. Actually, it’s not an enemy kingdom that is besieging the castle, your majesty,” the messenger stuttered awkwardly. “It appears to be… your own citizens.”

“WHAT!?” The king sat upright in bed.

“Yes,” continued the messenger, “many of them are holding pitchforks and shovels. Many more have made protest signs out of bed sheets or wood panels. Most of the peasants can’t write of course, so the messages are displayed in crude drawings.”

The king stared at the messenger. “Well, are you sure, though? Are you quite sure we’re under siege? Maybe we should get a second opinion on this alleged ‘siege’….”

The dear king was not the sharpest tool in the crayon box and the queen quickly took over the line of questioning. “How many are there? Do they have a leader? Do they appear to be organized? What do they want?”

The masses outside of the castle appeared to be led by none other than the princess’s preferred stable boy. He had rallied most of the villagers and, judging from the drawings on their protest banners, they either wanted Princess Emiliana to be freed from her tower and permitted to marry the stable boy, or they wanted her to eat an impossibly large zucchini. It wasn’t completely clear.

The queen sighed. Her quick mind was already churning through the possibilities for resolving this unfortunate situation quickly and smoothly. “Is there anything else I should know?” she asked the messenger.

“Well… it appears that someone has kidnapped Bessie….”

“WHAT?!?!!?” For the first time, the queen thought this thing might be getting out of control. “How on Earth did they manage to kidnap a 50-Ft turtle out of our moat without anyone noticing?”

“I suspect they lured her out with strawberries, your majesty… it must have taken all night to get her somewhere hidden!”

“But, wait….” the king finally joined the conversation: “if Bessie is gone… we really are trapped in here! There’s no drawbridge! Riding across on top of her shell is the only way of traversing the moat and getting out of the castle!”

“Yes, we know, my dear,” said the queen, “grownups are talking now. Maybe you could go see what the kitchen has for breakfast! Bring me back a croissant, hmm?”

The king frowned at her, but he dutifully put some pants on and trudged out of the room.

The queen swept imperiously out of bed. She was somehow immediately fully-clothed in royal battle armour.

“Take me to the stable boy!” she commanded the messenger.

Unfortunately for the queen and her misguided attempts to police her own daughter’s body, she arrived too late to change the outcome of the siege. Bessie was back and she was performing an incredible athletic feat no one would have thought possible for a 50-ft turtle. The turtle stood up against the side of the princess’s prison tower and all Emiliana had to do was climb out onto her colossal head and slide down her shell until she reached the safety of the stable boy’s arms.

The queen was flabbergasted.

The villagers started jumping up and down, cheering and celebrating. The stable boy leaned in for a kiss and the princess reciprocated so enthusiastically that everyone knew the queen had been much too late when she locked her up in the tower.

Princess Emiliana and her stable boy climbed up on top of Bessie and made themselves comfortable on her wide shell. The princess waved as the gigantic turtle ambled away towards the setting sun.

It was the world’s slowest getaway. But it didn’t matter because no one in the castle could pursue them until they could figure out how to get across the moat without their 50-ft turtle.

The princess’s parting words were: “Just so you know, mother, we’ve already had sex a hundred and nineteen times!!”

Emiliana and the stable boy riding away into the sunset on the back of Bessie, the giant turtle. (Image generated by Nightcafe under the direction of author)

Thank you for reading! This story is a response to Jonathon Sawyer’s Mashup #14 for The Kraken Lore. I would like to challenge Leonard Tillerman to write something for this or a different mashup challenge!

Tally box: 
-I used both prompts (the princess is in the tower while it's under siege)
(2 pts)
- Emiliana tries to use a 2x4 from her bed frame to escape the tower 
(exact method unclear) (1pt)
- Emiliana sees a full moon from her tower window (1pt)
- the king wants a second opinion about whether the castle is actually under
siege (1pt)
- the king goes "pink with embarassment" at any mention of ladies' bodily
functions (1pt)
- the castle has a giant turtle instead of a traditional drawbridge (lol) (2pts)
- Emiliana answers her own question about how she will spend her time (5 pts)
- I made this super cool tally box (1pt)
Total = 14 points! HUZZAH!
Fiction
Short Story
Medieval
Fantasy
The Kraken Lore
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