The Power of Mindfulness to Manage Emotions
Learn to let go of what you can’t control and embrace what you have…
Rosie likes to go for daily walks once to twice a day for exercise.
She uses all of her senses and loves all the scents of the outside world.
Fully engaged in that present moment listening to all the sounds and taking in all the sights whilst pretty much-licking everything around her.
By now you should have guessed that Rosie is a dog. I don’t know about you, but when it comes to our own emotions I think we could learn a thing or to from our pets.
I find these walks relaxing as we take the boardwalk through the marshes and down to the creek.
We frequently see rabbits, foxes, and the occasional badger or deer.
It’s a wonderful walk full of sights, sounds, and engaging activities.
The problem is, I sometimes get so lost in thought that unlike my dog I don’t always notice the beauty that is around me.
If I am not careful my mind can wander during the 10–20 minute walk. I start thinking about what’s on my to-do list, what I need to make for lunch or cook for dinner.
I am not paying attention to the storm clouds slowly approaching, or how the breeze feels on my face. The array of beautifully coloured autumn leaves are crunching under my feet, but all I can think about is what cheese to buy.
Now, as I walk home I am crossing roads instinctively looking left and right. Not noticing the make, model, or even colours of the cars that are passing me or parked up.
As I approach my driveway I wouldn’t be able to give you an account of what happened during that walk, but what I could tell you was that we are having Mac and Cheese for dinner and I am really busy needing to do stuff — then the feeling of stress returns.
I have been up in my head the whole time and despite being in the outside world, I did not notice a “gosh darn thing”!
Does this ever happen to you?
Being on autopilot mode
Perhaps like me you go to work on autopilot, and once you reach your destination you don’t even remember how you got there!
When in conversation with friends and family you may be preparing to respond rather than listening to understand. As you walk away you can’t even remember what has just been said.
You’re reading a book, and need to read the page several times because you just can’t comprehend or retain anything.
Being on autopilot is our natural state. It does serve a purpose. If you had to be fully aware about every single process involved with breathing, walking or just making a cup of tea it would use up a lot of mental energy.
However, autopilot becomes a problem when we use it to sail through life in our heads and not pay external and conscious attention to what is really happening right in front of us.
I’ve been practicing mindfulness now for over 25 years. It’s still easy to fall back into a state of constant distraction, following thoughts and emotions as they bounce around different topics. It’s easy to forget to be more mindful in this new digital era.
To newcomers of mindfulness, loosing focus can be frustrating. Mindfulness builds greater self-awareness. So every time your mind does wander simply focus your attention back to the breath or task at hand — that in it’s self is a mindful practice.
Mindfulness does get easier with consistent and daily practice. You learn to notice before you get caught up in any thoughts and emotions. You also learn to notice before any bad habits kicks in and dictates your decisions, actions, and reactions.
Sometimes newcomers stop practising mindfulness as they feel it has given them a rush of emotions. Although what really happened is you are increasing in awareness of how you really feel!
The great news here is if you are aware of how you feel then you have the power to change it! Through practice, you’ll find you will get caught up in your thought and emotions less often.
This means you will start to feel less consumed by the daily struggles of stress, anxiety, worries, and so on.
This is when it starts to sink in: mindfulness isn’t just another wellbeing gimmick, it’s a way of life — one that we need to constantly cultivate and return to.
Emotional R.A.I.N
You can harness the power of mindfulness to help you better manage your emotions. The first step was coming off autopilot to being aware of what is happening around you.
R.A.I.N. is a short mnemonic that can remind us how to be more mindful when it comes to our emotions.
Recognize
Learn to label (and say hello to) the feeling you are currently experiencing, for example e.g. “hello, frustration, anger or on anxiety.” Just one-word labels will do, anything more such as complete sentences runs the risk of statements that are judgments. Labelling can make feelings seem less scary.
Accept
You don’t have to like feeling frustrated, angry, or stressed. But accept that is how you are feeling in the current moment.
Investigate
Deepen your self-awareness by noticing how frustration is affecting your body. Notice any muscles tensing or where you are breathing from. Is it deeper belly breaths or are you shallow breathing?
As you observe, see if there are any thoughts attached such as “I hate this”, “I am shit at this” or “I want to shout.”
Non-Identify
Do not identify yourself with the emotion. If visualization techniques work for you learn to view thoughts as clouds, that will simply pass. Do not associate with them as they are just a reaction. Your response to reactions is something you can control.
Responding to Reactions
Once you have acknowledged your reaction using R.A.I.N, there are some additional steps you can take to better manage your emotions.
- Take 3–5 slow, deep breaths or one deep sigh.
- Repeatedly greeting and labelling to yourself the intense feeling. For example, “Hello Anger.” As you do this, see if the labelling of the emotion changes the intensity of your experience.
- Stop and take some time out, this could be to simply focus on your breath, count slowly to 10 or you may need to apply a distraction technique, such as looking for 5 things you can see and describing them, for example, a small blue clock, 4 things you could hear, my dog snoring, etc… 3 things I could touch right now, 2 things I can taste and then take a deep breath and sit for a moment.
- We are not robots learn to forgive yourself if you get angry or overreact. Emotions are natural and serve a purpose.
Next time you get an email or something that has frustrated you or made you feel angry give this ago and start to notice how you feel.
Are you really responding in the present moment or are you reacting on autopilot due to negative past experiences.
We can not always change the situations that we find ourselves in, but what we can change is how we respond to them.
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