The Positive Power of Frustration
How to turn anger and frustration into action
This article might not be for everyone. Those that never find themselves angry, frustrated, and/or overwhelmed may not be able to resonate with the words below. However, those that have felt the intensity of being completely ‘over’ a situation know the feeling I am about the describe.
If you found ever found yourself so angry that you wanted to immediately change the situation, you can start to understand the power that you have. The intensity of anger isn’t always in our control. For example, blind rage is just that. It’s blind and reckless.
What I’m talking about today is the power of controlled resistance. This is the feeling that is generated specifically through anger and frustration. But instead of destruction, the anger creates a desire for change. That very desire for change is strong enough to create positive momentum.
Remember a moment when you were on the edge
Imagine a time when you felt wronged. It could even be something trivial. The goal here is to recall a time your emotions got the best of you. Part of this exercise is to re-live the energetic state known as ‘frustration’. We then can identify these triggers and re-frame how we act for next time.
Let me share an example from the time before COVID 19 when regular business travel was a thing.
It was back in late 2019 when I was coming back from an 8-hour day of travel. Flying from the Pacific NW back to Cleveland, Ohio.
By far the worst part about flying is waiting to get off the plane. Everyone starts to stand up and shuffle. There I am in the middle seat, head cocked to the side, waiting for the seats in front of me to move so I can finally get off the plane. All the while trying to be patient for the sake of society.
Most of us want to be good people. It’s this us vs. them mentality. Where ‘us’ is a sense of togetherness and ‘them’ happens to be the a**holes.
Yet. This desire to be an a**hole sometimes slips through our facades of niceness. As adults in a society like this, it is our job to tame the beasts of anger to operate peacefully within it. To do this we mustn’t bury our genuine emotions, but rather sit with them and try to understand how we can use their energetic power.
Lean into it
When you find yourself angry or frustrated its rational to want to breathe through it. To minimize the heat that you feel. This practice makes sense because it stops us from doing anything irrational. What if there is an alternative? What if instead of numbing the emotion, we use its energy to propel us forward in some way?
Something to be aware of is the fact that anger, frustration, and even stress give us energy. If we can lean into this energy, we can turn it into something that one would consider productive. The key to doing this well is to understand what it is your angry about.
Let’s go back to the airport situation in the last section.
I recalled the annoyance of being in the back of a plane waiting to exit. The further back you are in the plane the longer you have to stand there waiting to get off. It’s an agitating state to be in. The situation itself was feeling mistreated.
Soon rose a coordinated barrage of thoughts. My inner dialogue started scattered and mad, but then become more controlled. The anger became structured. As I observed my anger it becomes apparent that there was a theme to it.
This is important because if we can identify themes in our thinking, we can figure out a way to work through it.
- Why am I frustrated?
- Is it the scenario or is it something deeper?
- What would I have to do to not end up in this situation again?
The right type of rage is valid. It can let us know that the circumstances we are in are unacceptable. If we can’t change the situation itself— we can change how we got there. This is where the motivation comes in. The positive force that can come from being angry.
Transmute
When you find yourself getting heated in a situation, remember, that the energy can be modified. It should be noted that this is difficult. Controlled anger provides a unique type of energy that can propel us forward.
In those moments where we are ready to lose it, we stop and identify some specifics. This happens quickly. In our plane example, it’s not the fact that I’m on the plane or even that I’m waiting to get off. It’s more so how that makes me feel. How the situation compromises the identity I have about myself.
The feelings that rose within me where that of inadequacy. I felt poor and lowly. The airlines treat some of their passengers with a certain dignity. I was not in that group of elites. Some of that inner dialogue sounded like this
“I can’t believe I paid $600 to be treated like dog crap”
“I work too ‘efing’ hard to have to deal with this”
“This wouldn’t happen if were rich”
Now we are getting somewhere. This spike of emotion made me question the circumstances I was in. Here I was away from my wife, dogs, and home sitting in a plane with a bunch of other pissed off people. What’s the point of working so hard if this is the quality of life to look forward to?
That’s unacceptable. It’s not really about the plane. It’s not about the long day of travel. It’s about realizing that I am living a life that I’m not in control of. I’m either playing small or not living up to the potential that I thought I was capable of.
That’s when change happens. There is power in this inner dialogue because it has that charge of emotion behind it. With enough juice, you can do something about it… Now use its power to start figuring out how to change your situations.
Power Up
The key to turn frustration into positive action is to capture that potent energy. To do that you must redirect the charged up your emotions you have into the dialogue that is empowering.
As you hone into the core of your frustration you start to uncover a theme. That theme is the root of change. Ideally, we want to modify our thoughts so that they can be used to do something about our situation. Even if that something isn’t in the short term. The idea is to shift our perspective to take control of who we.
To make it practical let’s continue with the plane situation. I was at a point where I felt inadequate and angry about my back of plane situation. With all of the energy I had built up, I shifted my dialogue into thoughts and mindsets that can propel me to take action.
The idea is to shift the dialogue. Not to dull it. Here’s what happened.
I was able to shift my poor me thinking to something that resembled ‘why not me’. The aspect that is important to note here is that the ‘empowerment’ dialogue’ felt just as powerful me. It had energy behind it. It wasn’t like ‘everything is going to be ok’. It was like, no I don’t like this situation and I am capable of not experiencing it again.
These empowering thoughts become mantras repeated over and over again. The situation becomes a turning point. Ideally, we keep that energy with us. We remember the pain and moment of frustration. This allows us to move forward with action and purpose.
Its action with a why behind it. We know what we don’t want to feel so we have reason to change it. It’s helpful to be thoughtful about how to handle moments of stress, overwhelm, and anger. Next time you find yourself getting heated- slow down. Feel the energy, but see what you can do with it.
Can you turn those thoughts into something actionable?
Closing Thoughts- Don’t numb it
There is no one right way to do life. Be cautious of cliché advice without context. Perhaps, positivity and smiles 24/7 might be possible for some. The idea feels good.
However, let’s not forget that emotions are part of the human experience. We should appreciate them. They remind us that we are alive. For most, feeling anything beats feeling nothing at all.
To understand ourselves better, we must accept the good with the bad. The ups with the downs and use it all to become the best possible versions of ourselves. Let’s your emotions guide you and your mind to make sense of it all.
“In order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did and why you no longer need to feel it.”
― Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven
