The Pickleball Accident Report

2022–2023 Season Highlights

Every year, thousands of crazed senior citizens join the ranks of the fastest-growing sport in the nation.

Pickleball!

They buy rackets, take lessons, and fish their faded visors out from the back of the closet. The average age is 72, and the average player is far too confident.

The following report is a selection of pickleball-related accidents among amateur players on courts across America.

Drusella MacBride, 81, torn achilles heel, Sweetwater, TX

Ms. MacBride is a senior Olympian in Pickleball, sporting two gold medals. She was knocking a few balls around with her coach, Biscotti Proust, 92, on April 12th, 2023, when she lost her balance.

According to MacBride, she was trying to avoid a freak tumbleweed that had entered the courts.

“What in the tumbling name of godforsaken Texas is that?” shouted Biscotti (who is not from Texas).

MacBride screeched, “Tumbleweed!” as she literally tumbled. She veered right and twisted her foot, screaming in pain.

Paramedics gave her the bad news: she’d injured her Achilles tendon, and MacBride sobbed to her coach, “This is it for me. I’m no Aaron Rodgers.”

MacBride was transported to the nearest hospital and released, limping, later that day. The tumbleweed was apprehended by authorities and euthanized.

Del Fineberry, 84, broken hip, Sun City, AZ

Del is an avid sportsman who plays competitive golf and scuba dives, but he’d only been playing Pickleball for two months. On October 30th, 2022, Del and three buddies secured courts just before sunset, as the temp dropped to a breezy 102 degrees.

Del was seriously injured during an enthusiastic rush to the net.

He was partnered with Richard del Dingus, 63, and the two were known for aggressive play that gave no quarter. Their opponents, Irv Youngerberry, 75, and Mysty McMaster, 71, later reported they had warned Del to “slow the hell down, old man!”

Late in the first game, with a sizzling lead of 8 to 5, Del sprinted to the net to return a plunker, and tripped forward, spinning in a semi-lutz maneuver and landing on his left hip.

As Del screamed in pain, his adversaries finally stopped trash-talking him.

An EMS unit arrived at the scene nine minutes later. Del was transported from the courts to a nearby hospital, where he was admitted. It was later determined he had suffered a hip fracture.

Jane Norton, 77, head injury, Ottumwa IA

On March 28th, 2023, Jane and three friends began a match on a cloudy and unseasonably warm spring day. They were looking forward to getting outside, having played all winter indoors at their church.

Jane and her longtime partner, Bub Snufflesby III, 66, were playing friends Mark and Celeste (ages unknown).

The foursome were well into the second game, in which Mark and Celeste were getting their knickers handed to them (again) due to Bob’s legendary finesse shots into the kitchen and Jane’s attack-dog psychological warfare, when Jane rushed the net.

Bub recalls, “She hit the net like a bald eagle flying into a jet engine.”

Jane fell backward, striking her head on the ground, but remained conscious and responsive. Celeste dialed 9–1–1 and an EMS team arrived eight minutes later. Celeste remained on the phone and was given instructions to staunch the bleeding while helping Jane stand up.

The two men searched, in vain, for ice.

Jane was transported to a nearby hospital, where she was told she did not have a concussion, and released later that day.

Harry Futzerling, 65, sprained wrist, The Villages, Florida

On January 12th, 2023, Harry and his neighbor, Fred Cumberstone, were playing a friendly match on a cool evening beneath the long shadows of palm trees. Harry was backing up to return Fred’s arching lob when he saw an alligator peering between the slats of the chain link fence.

Harry gasped, fell backward, and caught himself with his right hand. Screaming, “Damn gator!” he sat up and with a grouchy hand wave, denied medical attention.

Fred called 9–1–1 anyway. They treated Harry on the scene, noting he had a sprained left wrist and a laceration on his left hand.

No word on what happened to the gator, who had fled the scene by the time paramedics arrived.

Fantasia Rickshaw, 79, bloody nose, Hot Springs Village, Arkansas

Fantasia was playing at the open courts “games area” with three friends: Irma Miller, 74; Linda Grizzo, 71, and Jackie Washburn, 42. The group had come from a nearby Taco Tuesday event at the DeSoto Club and were planning on one quick game.

They began at twilight on an unlit course, and quickly lost track of time. Fantasia and Linda were about to win the best 2-out-of-3, but the courts were lit only by a half-moon.

Fantasia apparently became disoriented in the darkness. She collided with her partner and both went down like two inebriated ships in the night. Linda was dazed, but Fantasia sustained a nose injury when she whacked herself in the face with her racket.

Irma later told police, “We only had two margaritas each.” Officers were called to the scene after the EMS workers noted alcohol on Fantasia’s breath.

Fantasia was treated for a bloody nose and bruises to both legs. All four women were sternly lectured by the police officers on the scene about drinking and playing pickleball, and two of the players called their spouses for a ride.

The remaining two were escorted home in separate squad cars.

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Jean Campbell is based in Hot Springs, Arkansas. She has been writing on Medium for years and recently published her first novel, Down and Out on the Road South, with Wings ePress.