The Painful Truth About Your Relationship
I know personally what it’s like to not look under that rock, to spend my years walking through the dead zone of a marriage.
There’s something in your relationship. Something you avoid talking about with your partner. Something under the surface.
A stress. A fear. A sense of something not right. Something not out in the open.
Do you feel that something with your partner?
Maybe you bury it down. Or you kick it down the road.
Maybe it’s a rock you fear looking under. Or a knowing that you fear acknowledging.
It’s hard to look and painful to consider. Your inner circuitry says, “DON’T GO THERE!”
It shows up in that tension in the kitchen moment with your partner when you’re getting your morning coffee. Or in that silence over dinner.
There’s something unspoken between you. Maybe an unresolved disagreement from the night before. Or a conflict from two days prior. It’s an unstated truth.
We haven’t had sex in months. I don’t find her attractive anymore. She bullies me. I resent her.
You know what’s on top. But underneath there’s something else that tears at your core. An underlying anxiety.
I don’t know if we’re gonna make it as a couple. This may not work. I can’t do this anymore.
Maybe you know it in the way she rolls her eyes at you. Or how she frowns and shakes her head when you say something. The little things hurt.
You ask yourself, “This is my wife? My partner?”
You notice she’s not available to you. You notice life has taken over and you rarely make time for each other. She has little in the tank for you, nor you for her.
Are any of these subtle things true for you?
These are all signs that you’re not fulfilled in your relationship.
And so your relationship is asking something of you. To look under the rock. To face the fear. To call out the dynamic and change it.
But often, we just turn away. Go on with our days. We justify it with busyness. We say, there’s just not enough time in the day.
Between work, kids, house, all the other stuff to function in the 21st-century, there’s just not enough time.
But is it time or is your relationship just not a priority?
Maybe it isn’t. Maybe you’ve given up on trying to work on it.
Or you’ve done a ton of work but nothing seems to change.
But eventually, you have to ask yourself…
Are you willing to look under the rock?
Step into the hard stuff?
Often I see men avoid this question. Instead, they work a lot, stay glued to their phones, drink too much, watch a lot of porn, or have an affair.
They fear confronting that most painful truth about relationship.
And that is this — It may not last.
If you’re that guy, I have a lot of compassion for you. But instead of hiding, I want to challenge you to look under the rock.
I know personally what it’s like to not look, to spend my years walking through the dead zone of a marriage.
Are you avoiding a painful truth in your relationship?
I imagine you wouldn’t be reading this right now if your relationship was working well. I appreciate your courage in acknowledging it.
There’s no shame in that. What there is, is an opportunity for transformation.
Do you seek transformation or are you just looking for relief from discomfort?
Discover which is true for you in the video below.
Relationship is hard. Relationship is risky. Relationships begin. Relationships end.
But you don’t have to go through your days fearing these things.
Step into action. Make a change. I want that for you. Do you want that for you?
Read more by Stuart Motola from The Good Men Project on Medium:
The story was previously published on The Good Men Project.
About Stuart Motola
Stuart Motola is a men’s relationship coach who offers guys concrete strategies for how to get unstuck in relationship. With over 15 years working with thousands of men on their relationships and personal growth, Stuart utilizes a unique system that breaks the patterns that keep men tied up in frustrating relationships. Unlike many therapists and couples counselors, who can frustrate guys with excessive talking, Stuart focuses on explicit action. His unique process offers each man a clear and direct roadmap of progress to create lasting positive results.
The Good Men Project gives people the insights, tools, and skills to survive, prosper and thrive in today’s changing world. A world that is changing faster than most people can keep up with that change. A world where jobs are changing, gender roles are changing, and stereotypes are being upended. A world that is growing more diverse and inclusive. A world where working towards equality will become a core competence. We’ve built a community of millions of people from around the globe who believe in this path forward. Thanks for joining The Good Men Project.
