Set Healthy Boundaries and Feel Free With Her
Healthy boundaries cultivate trust, respect, and the safety to just be you.
Remember when you first fell in love?
The fireworks. Spark. Excitement. Sex. Chemistry. Compatibility.
That desire to be together all the time. The urge to merge. The yearning to lose yourself in one another. A beautiful sense of oneness.
The ultimate love. No secrets, no boundaries, no struggles.
You let her in fully. She let you in fully. You were one.
Have you ever felt like one with your partner?
Sure, it’s beautiful. But as you know, it doesn’t last long.
As you move into a long-term committed relationship, eventually you begin wondering, how come what I loved about her at first now annoys me?
In time, the desire to be together changed into the desire for space. You hit speed bumps, obstacles. You wonder, can we make it through this? Is it worth it?
And yet it’s in this moment where you get to see how much work you’re willing to put into your relationship.
But often, you’re only focused on the problems and how to eliminate them.
What if those problems brought you closer to your partner?
It’s possible but not without winning strategies. One of those strategies is counterintuitive for most men. It’s the opposite of what we do in the honeymoon phase of relationship.
And because we often don’t know that, we mistake it for something wrong. But nothing’s wrong. You’re human. And you have a new need post-honeymoon. And that is the need for space.
Not just physical but emotional space. And ironically, space helps you feel closer to your partner. Distance to create closeness. Absence to make the heart fonder.
And so, to honor your need for emotional space, set healthy boundaries with your partner. It’s much better than being irritable and annoyed with her all the time when all you really need is some space.
Healthy boundaries in a relationship allow for individuation and union. Healthy boundaries cultivate trust, respect, and the safety to just be you.
Do you set healthy boundaries with your partner?
Knowing how to set a healthy boundary helps you be more free with your partner. Free to be you. Free to ask for what you want. And free of enmeshment.
Think of it like this. The warrior sets the boundary so that the lover can be safe to love more freely.
In this two and a half minute video, I teach two kinds of boundaries to set in your relationship to experience more freedom with your partner.
Being your own man, your own person is part of who you are as a man. Don’t let your partner deprive you of that. Educate her.
Tell her, I’m here for you AND I need to take space at times so that I can love you better.
Read more by Stuart Motola from The Good Men Project on Medium:
The story was previously published on The Good Men Project.
About Stuart Motola
Stuart Motola is a men’s relationship coach who offers guys concrete strategies for how to get unstuck in relationship. With over 15 years working with thousands of men on their relationships and personal growth, Stuart utilizes a unique system that breaks the patterns that keep men tied up in frustrating relationships. Unlike many therapists and couples counselors, who can frustrate guys with excessive talking, Stuart focuses on explicit action. His unique process offers each man a clear and direct roadmap of progress to create lasting positive results.
The Good Men Project gives people the insights, tools, and skills to survive, prosper and thrive in today’s changing world. A world that is changing faster than most people can keep up with that change. A world where jobs are changing, gender roles are changing, and stereotypes are being upended. A world that is growing more diverse and inclusive. A world where working towards equality will become a core competence. We’ve built a community of millions of people from around the globe who believe in this path forward. Thanks for joining The Good Men Project.