‘The Other Woman’ Is Actually Trying To Keep Your Marriage Together

I bang him so he keeps coming home to you happy

Think of me as the Sex Fairy*. I get your husband off so you don’t have to. He comes home renewed and more than happy to you, the woman he loves.

You don’t want to screw

Dead beds happen. For you, that may be okay. Your spouse obviously doesn't think it’s hunky-dory. Nights of no desire that turn into months and then years become a massive struggle for the partner with a high sex drive. Or even an average sex drive.

After all, sex is right there on Maslow’s hierarchy of basic needs, alongside air, water, food, sleep, health, clothing, and shelter. Whether you agree with that or not doesn't matter — what holds weight is that your partner is feeling unsatisfied and as a couple, you need to find a solution.

Am I insinuating that you should just bang him? No. That would be highly unethical, unfair, and frankly, disgusting. Everyone has the freedom and right to turn down something in which they aren’t interested.

An impasse, however, doesn’t solve any issues. In a healthy relationship, one person isn’t more “right” than the other and the needs of both have to be both considered and managed. Enter in stopgaps, overhauls, and the idea of outsourcing sex.

“Well, with my logic, if my partner is willing to let me lack in sexual intercourse, shouldn’t I be just as accepting to him/her [getting sex elsewhere]? I get my non-sexual gratification by not “being with” him/her… so why should I in turn monopolize the poor soul? One person cannot be the entire world to another as it is…” Nyxity

We support our partners in their goals to stuff themselves full of veggies, find strong friendships, journal alongside Tony Robbins, and half-drown themselves in their own exercise-induced perspiration. Why is the idea of doing the same with regards to their sexual and emotional needs met with awkward and disgusted kickback?

You can’t screw

Sometimes the problem isn’t that you don’t want to have sex — it’s that you can’t. Medical issues, past trauma, and the physical inability to have sex with your partner are a reality. Sexual dysfunction can relate to disorders involving arousal or desire, hormone deficiency, and pain. Partners can be extremely understanding and empathic while still desperately horny. As a couple, how will you approach this?

Outsourcing sex

Arrangements in which partners remain together but openly engage in other sexual relations are not uncommon. Some research shares that 4-5% of the population engages in an open relationship. According to one American study, 20% of the population would actually consider the idea of a non-monogamous partnership.

What if we, as a society, started permitting and encouraging the outsourcing of safe, consensual sex, rather than offering up affairs or divorce as the only solutions? Allowing our partners to seek sex elsewhere might just cut down on the fact that almost 40% of the population admits to engaging in an affair — something secretive and usually damaging to a partnership.

Faith*, a hot young mother of two lets her husband have what she calls a “spice girl” once a month. “The porn industry has a fluffer, I have a “spice girl”,” she declared matter-of-factly. “She tends to my husband’s libido so I can concentrate on raising the kids.” Dida Bella

Communication needed

The process of considering, accepting, and permitting extramarital sexual encounters won’t be simple. They are only effective if there is “open dialogue and the couple were in total agreement regarding the parameters”. Is remaining with the partner you respect, love, and appreciate worth it?

The fairy has loads to do

Until our puritanical society is okay with partners fulfilling sexual needs outside of their primary relationship, affairs are going to continue to be an ‘issue.’ This leaves the Sex Fairy with a steady ‘To Do’ list that possibly includes your spouse.

Don’t think of it as a threat. Consider it a gift I’m giving you.

© Jennifer J. McDougall 2021

*Not to be confused with my boss, Adultery Fairy Godmother Teresa J Conway