Summary

The article discusses the power of kindness in changing minds, rooted in the etymology of the word "kindness" and its connection to human relationships.

Abstract

The article delves into the concept of kindness as a tool for influencing others, drawing from James Clear's insights. It suggests that sharing good ideas is more effective than refuting false ones, as repetition can inadvertently reinforce the latter. The piece emphasizes that humans often prioritize social belonging over truth, which can lead to the spread of false ideas. Kindness, originating from the word "kin," implies creating a sense of family and trust, which is crucial for changing someone's mind. The author argues that friendship and social validation play significant roles in our willingness to accept new ideas, highlighting the importance of quality relationships for personal growth and the ability to engage in constructive discussions.

Opinions

Refuting false ideas directly is less effective than presenting better ideas, as repetition of the false idea can reinforce it.
People may choose to believe in false ideas to maintain a sense of belonging within a community.
Kindness is essential in persuasion because it fosters trust and friendship, making others more receptive to new ideas.
Social validation significantly impacts personal growth and our openness to different perspectives.
To successfully change someone's mind, one should aim to become their friend and discuss ideas objectively, without triggering their ego.
The author believes that being kind and treating others as family is key to having meaningful conversations and influencing others positively.

The Origin of the Word “Kindness” Justifies How Humans Connect Deeply

When done the right way, you can change anyone’s mind!

I was reading a newsletter by James Clear, the author of the best-seller book, Atomic Habits.

He shows why it’s hard to object any false idea prevalent in a large community. Anyone can confidently propagate a wrong belief:

a politician
an influencer
a marketing agency
an educational institution,
in some cases, a religion too. That’s why riots happen between different communities. No offence, but violence is not the path to peace.

Proving people wrong doesn’t work

James discussed in detail that refuting a wrong idea is not the correct way to burn it. But the logical move is to share a good idea instead.

The more you try to prove a false idea by including it in a conversation, an unexpected thing happens. People start to believe the wrong idea instead, because of a simple reason: the act of repetition.

Every time you try to prove an idea wrong, your explanation might change a bit, but the concept remains same, right? That repetition reinforces the belief in the second person’s mind. It even becomes harder to prove our point. Did you see that accidentally rhymes? Hahaha!

Why false ideas prevail, anyway?

Sometimes, humans think it is better to believe a false idea if it doesn’t hurt our inclusion in a tribe.

The perfect example is when you’re trying to fit into a new community by saying yes to everything.

Let me make it more personal, trying to getting into your crush’s pants by agreeing to whatever she says! I’ve done it in the past. I know people who’ve done it too. So, it’s not esoteric to understand the gist here.

How can kindness help in changing people’s mind?

“Facts don’t change our minds. Friendship does.” — James Clear

How do you share a good, albeit contradictory, opinion with someone you know will object? You do this by becoming their friend.

The aim is not to prove them wrong. It is to see the harmful results of following a particular belief and then reverse engineer from there. People like believing facts if it comes from a person they can trust, i.e., a good friend.

Now here is the role of kindness. “Kind” is derived from the root word “kin”, which means family or someone so close to you that you trust ( and support ) them blindly. Kindness is precisely about making friends and showing a sense of belonging.

Humans are nothing without quality relationships

Humans are social animals. No matter how boldly you say, “I like living alone”, but a sense of belonging is what gives us the validity of existence in this world.

Being heard gives us pleasure. Being valued gives us honour. Being appreciated keeps us motivated.

Social validation is not everything, but it surely has a significant impact on our personal growth.

Final words

When you are kind to someone, you think of them as family. I do it often. Especially when I am trying to discuss my ideas to a person who is hard-to-get, I know how to convert it to a healthy discussion.

I make it highly objective so that the idea is not identified by a specific individual.

You’ve got to be careful when you’re about to hit the second person’s ego spot. When we separate the act from the person and then try to show the mistake, people agree upon it.

The key here is not to prove how the second person is mistaken. The mission is to make friends, connect with them and when you think you’ve gained their trust, then you’re in an excellent position to explain your opinion because now they have a reason to believe you.

You’re a trustworthy friend who would say nothing out of hate.

This blog belongs to a series of posts I am publishing on a daily streak. The first two targets were day 21 and 100. The next goal is day 150. Today is day 119. Here is the first blog that started the streak.

Thank You for reading! See you tomorrow!

~ S.