The Only Way Out if Self-Criticism Is Killing Your Work
When you continuously criticize yourself, it becomes your default state of mind
When you start doing some work, a stream of thoughts starts simultaneously to tell you that your techniques are not good enough. After some time, you do not even have to criticize yourself; the inner critic runs in the background — like a state of mind — forever telling you that you do not have what it takes to be the chosen one, the liked one, or the preferred one.
You cannot get rid of this feeling. I used to think that some people had it, and others didn’t — as if it was a bacterial infection or a genetic mutation.
But I was wrong. When I read a lot of people who had talked about self-criticism, I noticed that it is not a disease, but this is the way our minds work.
The self-denigrating voice in the minds of people weaves a devastating tale. Life is a game. Worthlessness is the default condition. What but willful blindness could possibly shelter people from such withering criticism? ~ Jordan Peterson, a clinical psychologist
Psychologist Golan Shahar, a professor at Ben-Gurion University of the Negev in Israel, wrote in his book “Erosion: The Psychopathology of Self-Criticism”:
The two possible causes can be “Harsh, critical and punitive family relationships, or a very vulnerable genetics embedding the tendency to look inwardly and seek flaws.” ~ Golan Shahar
Whatever the reason, our minds don’t let us off the hook. They want us to rethink our position, and they want us to conform — in some way — to what others around us are saying or doing. It is how our collective mind develops over time.
When I was in school, if I did not know the answer to a question, I buried my head in the desk as if I wanted to disappear. My heart rate would increase, and I would decide that I would never want to feel like that again. That was what made me study and do my homework with full focus. It taught me how to pay attention to something important — for the people around me.
I think we learn self-criticism as we grow up, and when the teacher is not there to ask a question, we start questioning ourselves. We become frightened as if we are not challenging ourselves enough.
I’ll always prefer the criticism of my peers to self-criticism. When your friends and acquaintances criticize you, it ends at some point. But the bad thing about self-criticism is that it keeps lingering.
Maybe inner critic’s comments are chatter, not wisdom. ~ Jordan Peterson
It is always there to mock you and to make sure you never think that what you are doing is good enough. I think it is a good thing if it’s within reasonable limits. It keeps you human — somewhat afraid and vulnerable.
Who can determine the reasonable limits of self-criticism and self-doubt?
It has to be your own self. It might be one of the most important reasons that you should have a healthy relationship with yourself.
What is the right method to determine the limits of your self-criticism?
You have to consider these points before you can learn to know the limits of your self-criticism:
- You have to focus on what you are doing.
- When you are doing what you want to do, you should not think about the outcome and what others are going to say about it.
- If you allow your self-criticism to disturb you, your productivity will go down.
Your self-criticism is a burden on top of your actual work stress. To reach a state of flow — a mental state where you can do your work with the least amount of effort — you have to be fully absorbed into your current task.
So, you can determine the limits of your self-doubt by the time you spend doing your core work in a state of flow. If and when you cannot reach your state of flow, you are engaged in self-criticism.
Focusing on your work and trying to achieve excellence in what you do is the only way to defeat self-criticism.
Final Thoughts
If you have not achieved a state of flow for a long time, it means that you have been criticizing yourself for that long. Forgive yourself for your past mistakes and your future mistakes.
You can not say that you will never make a mistake in your future work. It would be a lie. As long as you are alive, you’ll reach your next level by trying new things and by making a lot of mistakes.
The way to manage self-criticism is to focus on what you love to do so much that you are always urging yourself to be better. You have to let go of the results. Your self-criticism is healthy only until your work is not affected adversely by it.
You can read my curated stories here.
