The Only Sensible Attitude is Gratitude

There are few things that are certain in life, but here’s one of them: you are going to be tempted to complain about your life.

You will almost always feel justified in doing so, and every now and again, who knows, you might actually be onto something.

Unfortunately there is real injustice in this world, and where you see it, you should be upset about it and willing to stand against it. But even if you really are a victim, an attitude of complaining will destroy you.

You Have So Much More Than You Deserve

When you have a second, go to a quiet place, close your eyes and start taking deep, even breaths. Find your pulse and feel the power of your heart, tirelessly working to keep you alive.

Let me ask you a very serious question: what did you do to deserve your beating heart?

Everything you have, your life itself, is a gift.

You could object that your success is your own making. You’re smart, talented, and hard working, and you’ve earned everything you have.

Now, obviously I’m a huge fan of the mindset of taking responsibility for your life and making an effort to improve your own circumstances, but I have to point out that there is no such thing as a self-made man (or woman).

Where did you get your intelligence? Surely you didn’t do anything to deserve the brainpower that you posses. You may have cultivated your intelligence well, but chances are that even that didn’t happen on your own: you had mentors and teachers you relied on. Even if your learning was all self -directed, reading books and listening to podcasts, there was still a mentor on the other end helping to get you good information.

You also didn’t do anything to deserve your natural talents.

Well, fine, you might object, but there’s still my decision to work hard that has allowed me to succeed where other people fail, and that has nothing to do with anyone else, it’s all me.

Are you sure about that?

Chances are, your work ethic was picked up from your parents or another mentor.

You are indebted to more people than you can possibly imagine.

You didn’t do anything to be born into the most prosperous time and the most prosperous culture in human history, where so many infectious diseases have been eliminated and food is so bountiful that even the poor among us are more likely to be obese than underfed.

Not only is everything you have a gift, things could be so much worse.

People Who Have it Worse Than You Do Are Still Grateful

Unfortunately, bad things happen to good people.

Chances are that bad things have happened to you. Chances are though, that worse things have happened to other people, and many of them have been able to become grateful even for the very hardships that have befallen them.

Consider this amazing passage from the book Flow by the the psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi:

Rather incredible examples of how people achieve flow despite extreme handicaps come have been collected by professor Fausto Massimini of the psychology department of the University of Milan. One group he had his team study was composed of paraplegics, generally young people who at some point in the past, usually as the result of an accident, have lost the use of their limbs. The unexpected finding of this study was that a large proportion of the victims mentioned the accident that caused the paraplegia as both one of the most negative and one of the most positive events in their lives. The reason tragic events were seen as positive was that they presented the victim with very clear goals while reducing contradictory and inessential choices. The patients who learned to master the new challenges of their impaired situation felt they had a clarity of purpose that they lacked before. Learning to live again was a matter of enjoyment and pride, and they were able to turn the accident from a source of entropy into an occasion of inner order.

My point here is not that you should look down on those less fortunate than you and think “at least I don’t have it that bad,” my point is that you should look at them and learn from them. They have it worse than you do, and yet they are able to to thrive under seemingly insurmountable burdens.

Bitterness and Complaining are Like Poison, Gratitude is Healing Medicine

Not only should you be grateful because it is the right thing to do, you should be grateful because it is a helpful thing to do.

When you are grateful for where you are and how far you’ve come, you’ll be in a position to see the opportunities in front of you.You’ll be able to move forward and grow.

Bitterness causes people to stagnate. Complaining gets people stuck. You can’t see past your circumstances and obstacles.

Sometimes there is a certain kind of dissatisfaction that can lead to productive change, but the process of change is usually accompanied by a fair amount of anxiety. Gratitude can smooth out any road.

Conclusion

Life is beautiful. We should all be grateful we got the chance to participate.

Thanks for reading, I really am humbled that you devoted a few minutes of your day to listening to what I have to say.

This is the twenty-eight in a series based on my article 30 Lessons About Life You Should Learn Before Turning 30.