30 Lessons About Life You Should Learn Before Turning 30

Lessons I eventually learned, but wish I could have mastered a long time ago…

1. Life is a delicate balance between “ready, aim, fire” and “ready, fire, aim.”

Chances are you naturally lean toward one of these approaches: either unnecessarily cautious or foolishly ambitious.

The reality is that some situations call for great care and deliberation, while others call for you to dive right in before you have time to convince yourself not to.

If you’re taking out a huge loan to start a business, you need to be cautious. If you’re thinking of starting a YouTube channel you just need to get started.

Either way, you better learn the difference.

2. You should automate as many things as possible

Steve Jobs developed a uniform of a black turtleneck, Levi’s blue jeans, and white New Balance sneakers.

Mark Zuckerburg mostly sticks to a gray t-shirt.

Barack Obama would choose between a charcoal gray and a navy suit every day.

The more time and energy you spend on things that don’t matter, the less you will have for the things that do matter.

Develop defaults in every area of your life: outfits, meals, morning routines, etc. You want as much of your life running on auto-pilot as possible so that you have the ability to manage the parts that most people never get under control.

3. Journey>Genesis

I’m not talking about the bands here (although I think the point would still stand). What I mean is that the process is more important than the act of starting.

We spend a lot of time celebrating the start of things, but not nearly enough time encouraging people when things get tough. And they always get tough.

4. You’ll be happier if you love the journey more than the destination

Not only is the journey more important than the starting line, it’s more important than the finish line.

If all you care about is the mountaintop, the climb is going to be rough.

The other thing about the finish line is that it’s a moving target. Once you get close to one finish line, you’ll spot another one just beyond it that’s even more appealing.

5. Your relationships will all change drastically

In college, I had an amazing community of friends including a close-knit inner circle and I figured that we were going to stick together for the long haul.

But life happens and for the most part we’ve gone our separate ways. There’s no hard feelings here. I realize this is the way life works.

I also have several family members who have recently moved further away. Those relationships will be different now that we can’t see them as often.

As long as you fight to maintain several relationships that are deep enough to sustain you in the present, you’ll be able to stand firm amid the ebb and flow of people coming and going from your life.

6. The past is best used as a wellspring of gratitude

There are two enormous mistakes when it comes to the past: dwelling on the negative aspects or romanticizing the positive ones.

But I don’t believe you should never look back. I’m all about living in the moment, but all that lead you to this moment was important too.

When you look back, focus on the things that you can be grateful for now. Every one of us has had ten thousand amazing things happen to us that we didn’t deserve. We’ve been treated to moments of true beauty worth cherishing. Don’t turn your back on all you’ve been given.

7. Procrastination is okay if it works

Everyone seems to hate procrastination, but it’s not always bad. Most people who procrastinate come through in the 11th hour and things work out fine.

Yes, it might be stressful getting there, but you have lots of areas in your life that need work. If procrastination is getting the job done, maybe it’s not the first thing you should look to fix.

That being said…

8. Procrastination is a silent killer of your deepest dreams

When it comes to your dreams, there’s no external accountability. You can’t come through at the 11th hour because there is no defined 12th hour. There are no deadlines unless you create them yourself.

Most people never stop and define their deepest, most important goals. This allows them to procrastinate on them indefinitely.

If you don’t come out and say that you want to write a novel, it’s not going to happen.

This is why I created a 10 Year Plan for a Remarkable Life, and why I think you should create one too:

9. You can be spontaneous even when you have plans

When it comes to creating a 10 Year Plan, one of the biggest objections people have is that they value spontaneity and don’t want to be tied down.

Fair enough, but it’s important to remember that your plans, your goals, and your calendar are there to serve you, not the other way around.

If you want to change something, change it. If you want to be spontaneous, be spontaneous.

Plans set you in the right direction so you don’t drift off course. If you need to pivot because your values and priorities change, go ahead.

It’s just as spontaneous to seize an unexpected opportunity when you had plans as when you didn’t.

10. Money can buy a lot of things, but the most important thing it can buy is freedom

Call it Financial Independence, call it retirement, call it escaping the rat race, call it whatever you want. Having enough money saved up gives you the freedom to live life on your terms.

You can do the work that you want to do when you want to do it and in the style you want to do it.

This is attainable for most people, but you have to be intentional about it. I lay out the mechanics of it in this article:

11. The people that are holding you back mean well

When you decide to make the leap from average to awesome, you’ll run into a surprising amount of resistance from people who should love and support you.

They don’t think they are discouraging your dreams, they think they are saving you from disappointment. They have no idea that they are pulling you back toward mediocrity.

Be grateful that they care, but have the wisdom to know when not to listen.

12. Getting older isn’t a bad thing

I used to dread turning 30, but my 30’s are shaping up to be the best decade of my life so far.

Yes there are inevitable declines that come with age and yes, seasons do change in life. Your 30’s probably won’t have the same vibe as your 20’s. But each season has its advantages and you learn to appreciate them in their time.

13. Happiness should be a central focus in marriage: the other person’s happiness

What I hate about the concept of looking for “the one” is that it sets up this idea that marriage is about finding someone who completely meets your needs. Not only is this never going to happen, it’s not what marriage is in the first place.

If you choose to get married, do it with the mindset of having an opportunity to love the other person well.

If you think that marriage was designed to make you happy, well, you know what the divorce rate is…

14. Finding yourself is great, losing yourself is better

This piggybacks off the last point. Ironically, the best way to be happy is to pursue the happiness of others instead of your own.

There’s a lot of focus today around self-discovery and “finding yourself” has always been something that young people were stereotypically supposed to do.

I think introspection and self awareness are very important. But my advice is as soon as you’ve learned what you need to know, get the focus off yourself as quickly as possible.

15. It’s okay to fail at stuff

I’ve spent way too much of my life being afraid to fail at things. This fear leads to inaction and inaction stunts your growth.

Here’s a news flash: no one has ever gotten good at anything without failing. Ever.

How do you think you learned how to walk?

Sometime in our childhood, we pick up this idea that failing is something to be embarrassed about. The sooner you banish that silly idea from your brain the better.

16. The one thing you should be afraid of is regret

Too many people have this backwards. They fear failure but not regret.

Once you have truly experienced both, you’ll realize that there’s no comparison: regret is a million times worse than failure.

Regret is a problem that becomes worse and worse with age. Regret at 30 isn’t so bad, there’s plenty you can still do about it. Regret at age 70 or 80 is brutal.

The choices that you make now really matter. Give some thought as to how your future self will evaluate them.

17. How you manage your energy is even more important than how you manage your time

When it comes to productivity, the focus is often on time management. This makes sense since using your time well is certainly a component of productivity, but it’s far from the full picture.

If you want to get important things done, you also have to manage your energy and attention. It doesn’t matter how much time you allocate to something if your brain is fried and you can’t concentrate on the task at hand.

If you haven’t learned to to take a mental rest and prepare yourself for another bout of work, your productivity will suffer.

18. Your health is your wealth

Time is even more important than money.

The most likely thing that will rob you of your time is poor health. The leading causes of death are all chronic diseases. If you die early, there’s a small chance it will be a fluke accident and a large chance it will be the culmination of poor habits.

Do what you can to severely limit your consumption of sugar and processed foods. Go on walks. Eat home cooked meals. Spend time with people you love.

The default way of living is the path to chronic disease. If you want a different outcome you need different habits.

19. Everyone knows something you don’t

People say this all the time and don’t mean it.

I mean it.

The people you think are stupid. Your political enemies. The people who got brainwashed by a cult.

Everyone.

I’ll go one further: even if you are on the right side of a debate, there’s an overwhelming chance that your opponent knows something about the debate that you do not.

Have the humility to listen and you’ll keep growing.

20. Experimentation is the best way to vet advice

You’re going to be exposed to a lot of advice, much of it will be contradictory.

Avoid fat — no, carbs — wait, calories — excuse me, I meant nightshades — wait, really it’s the omega-6’s that are the problem.

Large scale studies are expensive and the science behind complicated issues moves slowly. That’s not a knock on science, that’s just a suggestion that the fastest way forward is to conduct a series of n=1 experiments.

This applies to all areas. Some personal finance gurus say to cut lattes and invest the difference. Some say it’s not worth the effort. You have no idea whether or not it is until you try it out. Try giving up something that’s a habitual part of your life for a month. If you don’t miss it, great. If it’s the worst month of your life, maybe look somewhere else to save a few bucks.

21. Focus on the smallest changes that make the biggest difference

The pareto principle — also known as the 80/20 rule — says that 80% of the results come from 20% of the causes.

In other words, you can almost always find opportunities where small changes make an enormous difference.

For instance, when it comes to losing weight, cutting soda and juice is just one change, but it can completely transform your health.

22. Keep a journal

It can take a little time to get used to the habit of keeping a journal, but it’s worth it.

Most people are in a reactive mode all day long. The practice of journaling teaches you to turn inward in reflection and to proactively bring something to the page.

23. If you can be grateful for how far you’ve come, excited about where you are going, and are in love with the journey, you are winning.

This represents a healthy relationship with time: past present and future.

Grateful for the role of the past.

Excitement for a future that you are actively trying to create.

A love for the journey you are on and the precious present moment you are in.

That’s winning.

24. Find meaning in your obstacles

Consider this powerful section from the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain:

Unhappy people tend to see setbacks as contaminants that ruined an otherwise good thing (“ I was never the same again after my wife left me”), while generative adults see them as blessings in disguise (“ The divorce was the most painful thing that ever happened to me, but I’m so much happier with my new wife”). Those who live the most fully realized lives — giving back to their families, societies, and ultimately themselves — tend to find meaning in their obstacles.

25. If you don’t like the story you are telling yourself, tell yourself a different story

The only lens you have through which to view your existence is that of a story.

You are constantly narrating your own life to yourself.

You get to control the story.

The facts never change, but it’s the story that resonates with you.

Telling yourself that you are a loser is a story. Telling yourself you used to be a loser but are turning it around is also a story. Same facts, different results.

Choose wisely.

26. Your weaknesses are your strengths

When I was a kid, I took medication for ADHD.

I’m not sure if I ever had ADHD, but even if I did, there’s no way I’d ever take medication again.

What I have isn’t a weakness, it’s a competitive advantage. It’s a superpower.

I couldn’t pay attention for eight straight hours of school even if you paid me, but I can focus plenty well on the things that I care about.

My inability to sit and behave for eight hours might not fit the modern education system, but why should I care about the modern education system?

27. Try to separate how you spend your time from how you make your money

There’s only one way to make money: selling.

Most people sell their time for money.

A better approach is to invest your time creating something that you can sell besides time.

This was a core thesis of my book on money.

28. The only sensible attitude is gratitude

You will often be tempted to complain about your life.

This isn’t a great look.

You have been given so much that you don’t deserve.

What did you do to deserve your beating heart?

Everything you have is a gift.

Not only is gratitude right, it’s therapeutic and healing.

Gratitude is the greatest psychological hack on the market.

29. The only thing that goes up with age is maturity

As you get older, every single natural ability begins to decline.

Your physical and mental potential peak in your early 20’s.

It’s still possible to improve your body and mind with age because chances are you weren’t anywhere close to your potential in your early 20’s. For instance, I’m in better shape in my 30’s than I was for most of my 20's.

But my body will eventually decline.

My mind will cease to work as quickly.

The areas where I will always be able to improve are my wisdom and character.

Take care of your body, but if you want to peak as a person later than 21, you should focus on your character and wisdom.

30. Lessons aren’t learned from lists

Yes, I recognize the irony of concluding a listicle post with this point.

Too many people read lists like this, feel good for a minute, then move along unchanged.

The only way you will grow is to get out there, experiment, and put things into practice.

I really hope you liked this list. But more importantly, I hope you do something with it.