The Oldest “Ism” of Our Time May Surprise You

Pronatalism: I only learned the term in the last few years, have you ever heard of it?

This podcast will blow your mind! And if it doesn’t, I guarantee you a full refund.

One sure way to change the meaning of a word is to add “ism” as a suffix. This suffix creates a word representing a practice, philosophy, or system.

Let’s look at some “ism” words.

Favoritism |Sexism | Racism |Hedonism |Narcissism | Hinduism| Altruism | Pacifism | Colonialism | Peroquialism | Utilitarianism |

The list goes on. But there’s one word you probably haven’t even heard of, which I suspect pre-dates all of these words. The actual word doesn’t pre-date the other “ism” words. But its meaning does.

Pronatalism.

“What does this word even mean?” I hear you ask. Don’t worry; we’ll get there.

An Eye-Opening Conversation

Christine Erickson from New Legacy Institute recently had an illuminating discussion with Jody Day from Gateway Women.

The topic was all about dismantling pronatalism and why this even matters.

By way of an introduction, New Legacy Institute is a global network building a collective community movement that advocates for people living without children.

Gateway Women is a global community that supports women who are childless (different from being childfree).

Jody and Christine introduce a mind-blowing dialogue, which convinces me that pronatalism is the oldest “ism” of our time.

Conversations about not being a parent are vitally important. People without children, particularly women without children, are an oppressed group in societies worldwide.

You might not see this oppression from your perspective, but give this a listen. It may well challenge your biases.

My 4 Key Takeaways

Whether we are childfree or childless, one thing we have in common is the maltreatment and suppression we endure. We are the invisible sector, the forgotten and replaceable women. Pronatalism also impacts men, but to a lesser extent.

Women without children are overlooked and ostracised. We are othered and pushed down the hierarchy.

1. The history of pronatalism

I can sense your skepticism, dear reader. I was skeptical, too, until I listened to Jody and Christine discussing this.

The evolution of pronatalism is fascinating.

When we still lived in caves, we didn’t see people with different skin colors to us. So racism was not yet rife. The gender roles were clearly defined and not questioned. Meaning sexism was not an issue.

Our role in life was survival. Procreation was essential for growing the tribe.

A women’s job was to have children and raise them. If they didn’t do this, they had no worth. I can’t even comprehend the impact of infertility on the well-being of women of this time. And as for choice, that was nonexistent!

Jody directs us to consider the circumstance back then when resources were limited. Who do you think was fed first? Women with children or women without children?

And this still plays out today. Women without children are constantly pushed to the back of the queue.

The caveperson brain still believes women who don’t have children are not meeting their purpose, nor are they worthwhile. This brain still thinks a man’s role is to go to work and a woman’s job is to raise children.

If a woman doesn’t have children to raise, who is she? In fact, WHAT is she?

All our fairytales of women without children paint them in a negative light. Witches, spinsters, and crazy cat ladies. Their commonality of being “unloveable” and “peculiar” links them together.

Prontatlism has worked hard to guard against these strange women who evade the role they are surely destined for!

We have populated our species to explosive levels. Yet our caveperson brain still focuses on reproducing for the “good” of the species. For survival.

Isn’t it time our brains caught up with what is happening around us?

2. Pronatalism touches everything

Pronatalism is an intersectional issue. It is everywhere you look.

It touches everyone in different ways. And here’s the thing, it impacts parents as well as non-parents. There is enormous pressure for parents to have more than one child. Heck, the Catholic church and Elon Musk are involved in this pressure!

Population growth and associated pronatalism are global issues.

Officials asked Jody to include some statistics from India for her TedX Gateway. She found similar experiences reported by childless and childfree people of India than from the West.

While pronatalism may present itself in different attire depending on the culture and country, it still turns up in all its glory!

Jody describes pronatalism as being like water. She suggests it is everywhere. I want to take this idea and embellish it a little.

Pronatalism is the air around us.

It is so big it engulfs us. Yet we don’t notice it. Often we can’t see the wood for the trees. Like the suspect of a true crime thriller, it is staring us in the face.

But it’s always been this way! Yes, it has, but that doesn’t make it right.

Like Jody so astutely points out, we live in a completely different world now. If you hadn’t noticed, we are no longer cave-dwelling neanderthals. Times have changed; we must move with the times.

With one in four adults being childfree or childless, we comprise a relatively healthy proportion of society. It’s time to hear the voices of those of us who aren’t parents.

3. The discomfort of the outgroup

There is a vulnerability that comes from being in the outgroup. Non-parents experience a range of emotions from shame to isolation.

Society puts this shame onto women without children. We don’t fit in, so we are shamed and othered.

When we feel shame, we feel invisible. When we feel invisible, we want to shrink away. We certainly don’t want to stand up and talk. This shame and invisibility are why many women don’t talk about their experiences with pronatalism. They are inadvertently silenced and made to feel like they don’t matter and don’t deserve to be heard. Shame on them for not fulfilling their womanly duties!

Women without children are often silenced. Meaning the scale of the pronatalism issue isn’t widely known.

It’s time to shed this shame and speak up ladies.

Jody hits the nail on the head when she refers to talking about pronatalism as a “hot-button conversation .” I hadn’t realized this before. But I now recognize it when I reflect on past conversations.

We can talk about homophobia and LGBQTIA+ issues. We can discuss racism, politics, and religion. We can debate all sorts of divisive and complex topics with relative openness. Still, the defenses are put in place as soon as we talk about pronatalism — this topic prickles people.

Why?

What makes people so uncomfortable with pronatalism? What makes our society want to bury its head in the sand and fail to recognize that we treat people without children as second-class citizens? The sheer awkwardness of these conversations leads to their suppression.

Let’s get one thing clear.

Recognizing pronatalism is not hating on parents or babies and children. It is not a case of one or the other. We are calling for equality for all. Extending fair policies and inclusion to those without children does not take anything away from those with children.

There is enough love to go around. How about we share it with the non-parents of society?

4. Powerarchy

Now, this is where things get interesting.

The term powerarchy comes from a book by Melanie Joy Ph.D., called ‘Powerarchy: Understanding the Psychology of Oppression for Social Transformation.’

Powerarchy is the term used to describe the overarching belief system that feeds into oppressive systems.

“Powerarchy is a nonrelational system that is organized around a belief in a hierarchy of moral worth, that some individuals or groups are more worthy of moral consideration than others, and that it is structured to maintain unjust power imbalances.”

As Jody indicates, this book covers every system of oppression imaginable. All the ones you would expect, including racism, homophobia, sexism, and classism. And some unexpected oppression systems such as “carnism,” an “invisible belief system, or ideology, that conditions people to eat certain animals.”

I can imagine Jody reading this book and feeling incredulous and overwhelmed.

Not a single mention of pronatalism.

Even a book about hierarchy, systems, oppression, and power fails to include the oldest and most prevalent power system in the world.

As we said earlier, it is so big that we can’t see it!

Some people use their parental position as a form of power!

In 2016 Andrea Leadsom, a candidate against Theresa May for the Conservative leadership position, stated:

“Mrs. May possibly has nieces, nephews, lots of people. But I have children who are going to have children who will directly be part of what happens next.”

The Times interpreted this in the pronatalist manner it was intended and headlined an article “Being a mother gives me the edge over May — Leadsom.”

She suggested having children meant she had “a very real stake” in the future of her country.

The fact that she presumes her children would have children is another matter, which is dripping in pronatalism. What if they can’t? What if they don’t want to? Let’s stop presuming this is the default life pattern.

NEWSFLASH: having children does not give you a more significant stake in the future of any country!

For those not aware of British politics, Theresa May won the leadership.

Thoughts and Musings on Pronatalism

This conversation had me mulling things over for several days.

It is astounding that the term remains relatively unknown despite pronatalism being so huge around the world.

The podcast discusses the suppression, oppression, and assumption of hierarchy associated with pronatalism. Yet, the sparse definitions available do not reflect this.

Let’s look at some definitions from the Cambridge dictionary.

Playing with definitions

There isn’t a definition in the Cambridge dictionary for “pronatalist.” Google suggests a definition for the noun:

“an advocate of the policy or practice of encouraging people to have children.”

But actually, this definition doesn’t make mention of the oppressive nature of pronatalism. So let’s play about definitions.

First, we will consider other “ist” or “ism” words, which we know have oppression in the meaning.

Sexist means:

“suggesting that the members of one sex are less able, intelligent, etc. than the members of the other sex, or referring to that sex’s bodies, behavior, or feelings in a negative way.”

Racist means:

“someone who believes that their race makes them better, more intelligent, more moral, etc. than people of other races and who does or says unfair or harmful things as a result.”

We know racists and sexists are disgusting and bigoted. The definitions reflect the abhorrent nature of their beliefs.

If we tweak the definition of sexist into the term pronatalist, we get:

“suggesting that non-parents are less able, intelligent, etc. than parents, or referring to non-parents in a negative way.”

If we tweak the definition of racist into the term pronatalist, we get:

“someone who believes that being a parent makes them better, more intelligent, more moral, etc. than non-parents and who does or says unfair or harmful things as a result.”

Now we are starting to get somewhere.

Let me be crystal clear. I am not for one minute suggesting pronatalism is comparable to racism or even sexism. I am trying to highlight that there is oppression, which isn’t widely accounted for.

You may be reading this and scoffing.

You may think this is ridiculous. But please be open-minded and recognize we all have different experiences. Very often, if we are part of a particular group, we are not exposed to the suffering of another group. This lack of exposure can lead to a lack of awareness of its very existence.

Pronatalism is alive and kicking.

Let’s ponder on this one some more.

• Who downplays or denies racism? Mostly white people.
• Who minimizes and makes excuses for sexism? Mostly men.
• Who can’t recognize their ableist language? Mostly people who don’t live with a disability.

Do you understand this?

When we belong to the group of privilege and power, it is often difficult to appreciate the oppression and discrimination of another group.

I understand you may be feeling slightly uncomfortable here. But let me clarify.

I am not saying all white people are racist. I am not for one minute suggesting that all men are sexist and all non-disabled people discriminate against those who live with a disability.

I know it is “not all men!”

Likewise — and this is vitally important — I am not saying everyone with children is pronatalist.

I am not an antinatalist (a belief that it is morally wrong to reproduce). Far from it!

I am anti prontatalism.

Representation Matters

Representation is key.

Many organizations have lay advisers to help with biases. People without children need to have their voices heard. We need representation in the workplace, law, media, arts, and council.

Representation for non-parents is precisely why organizations like New Legacy Institute are vital.

“The Institute is intended to act as a leading organization in addressing the absence of social and workplace DEIB (diversity, equity, inclusion & belonging) frameworks and next practices, representation in media and entertainment, and policy initiatives necessary for the equitable rights, access and visibility of individuals & families who did not have children, who live permanently without children, non-parents, and for future generations.”

It is challenging to find inclusion and belonging in this pronatalist world.

A huge thanks to Jody Day and Christine Erickson for their inspiring conversation. I urge you to listen to their eloquent discussion.

I welcome your thoughts about pronatalism.

🙏Thank you for reading my story Ali Hall

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