The Older I Get, The Girly-er I Get
Mermaids, unicorns and rainbows. Oh, my.
I wish I could tell you the exact moment the word “Mermaid” caught my attention. Especially when associated with beauty products.
Mermaid bath salts. Mermaid eye shadow. Mermaid “glow-tion.” The more mermaid, the merrier.
This seems a little odd for a grown woman, doesn’t it? I mean, should I really be swiping a powder on my cheekbones that shimmers like a rainbow, depending upon how the light hits me? In colors of pink, yellow and blue, yet?
Overwhelmed and a little silly. That’s how I felt when I took stock of my hoard the other day. A veritable boatload of unopened, as-yet-to-be-used mermaid stuff. All sorts. I could open a store. A Mermaid Store for older women who think they can stop time by looking like today’s iteration of a disco ball.
The next time you find yourself with too much time on your hands, fire up YouTube and search for “mermaid sightings around the world.” Get comfy. You’ll be there a while.
What the hell is a mermaid, anyway? A creature of folklore. An aquatic babe with the head and upper body of a woman and the tail of a fish. Who wouldn’t want to be that??
Popularized by Danish author, Hans Christian Anderson and movies like “Splash” and “The Little Mermaid,” these mythical hotties live a long time. Three hundred years, according to Anderson’s fairy tale. Damn. I just buried the lead.
It appears that mermaids don’t have much to do as they spend most of their time sitting on rocks, enchanting unsuspecting men with siren songs. Talk about a day at the beach, right?
In the world of beauty, mermaids have stiff competition in the form of unicorns. From unicorn snot to unicorn tears — smear away, ladies. And guys, should you be so inclined.
Racked.com points out that unicorn beauty is so hot, Allure Magazine has an entire subcategory dedicated to the trend on its website.
What’s it all mean? This clamor for rainbows, shimmer, and creatures that don’t actually exist? Life is hard, that’s what. Sometimes, it kicks us in the ass, and to soften the blow, we need a little fantasy. Something with some zhuzh, even though we know it’s silly.
The colorful makeup company, Lime Crime, has as its tagline, “Makeup for Unicorns.” “Unicorn Blood Lipstick,” released by Jeffree Star in 2015, is a constant sell-out. Makeup superstar Pat McGrath took the beauty world by storm when she released her glitter lip kit — so popular the first time around that she recently relaunched it.
And on, and on.
With its mythological origin in Asia, the unicorn is described as a horse-like beast with one large, spiraled horn projecting from its forehead. Like any fantasy creature worth its salt, the unicorn has wondrous powers. Its horn can purify water, heal wounds and indicate the presence of poison. What can I say? I’m down.
From higher-end companies like Butter London to popular drugstore brands like Wet N’ Wild, products infused with holographic glitz and glitter are flooding the market. And not going anywhere, soon. I’m glad to hear that because neither am I.
Hell, I’m not so silly, after all. Maybe, being “girly” is what I need. At least, right now. So, I’ll take it. And I’ll shine, baby. I’ll shine.
What about you? Anyone out there care to join me…not over but in the rainbow?
Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times, and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.
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