The No Bullshit Secret To Becoming More Unapologetically Yourself

You won’t like it. But, often, it’s the only way to truly be yourself in a world that wants you to be like everyone else.

I’m sorry. But, if you really want to be “unapologetically yourself,” you’re gonna have to do more than follow the cliché advice that often gets tossed around the internet.

Because let’s be honest. We don’t live in a world that actually encourages individuality.

Sure, we glorify the uniqueness of celebrities, artists, and billionaire CEOs. But, in the real world, you’re being pushed toward something else. You’re being pushed to conform, to follow the rules, to stand out — sure — but not too much.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”― Ralph Waldo Emerson

So, if you really want a shot at becoming more “unapologetically yourself”, simply embracing your flaws and declaring that you don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks about you is not enough.

You’ve got to do something much more radical. Honestly, it’s something you probably don’t want to do. I know I don’t. But, I’ve also come to realize that even if I don’t want to do this thing, I have to.

Later, in this post, I’m gonna share what that thing is. Feel free to skim and scroll. But, if you have time, I invite you to ponder with me for just a moment…

What does “unapologetically yourself” even mean? And why is it something so many of us desire but can’t seem to truly achieve?

What does “unapologetically yourself” mean?

At first glance, defining this term seems simple.

Being unapologetically yourself means that you accept yourself so much that you don’t care what anyone thinks about you. And, because of that, you make no apologies for who you are, right?

Sure.

But how many of us actually feel this way?

How many of us truly refuse to let the opinions of others — including our friends, our colleagues, our significant others, our exes, our bosses, our parents — influence our actions?

How many of us handle rejection and criticism in every domain of our lives without letting it make us wish we’d done something differently?

And how many of us can answer those questions without lying?

My guess: not many.

Now, I hope you know that if you’re one of the “not many,” meaning you’re apologizing for how you live your life or letting others decide how you live your life, I’m not judging. I’m with you.

I have no problem admitting that I often struggle to be the truest version of myself because of how much it’s been ingrained in me since childhood to care about the opinions of others.

But, I do believe I’m on the path of breaking free from this mental torture. And I want as many people as possible to come along with me.

That’s why I feel obligated to share this “secret” that not many people talk about when they throw around terms like “unapologetically yourself”. Wanna know what it is?

The no bullshit secret to becoming more unapologetically yourself

Before I share the “secret,” I think it’s only fair that I let you know that I couldn’t fully articulate it until recently.

I knew I wanted to write an article about this topic for months. But every time I started typing, “the no bullshit secret to becoming more unapologetically yourself is…” I couldn’t exactly think of how to put what I wanted to say into words.

You know that feeling?

Anyway, the other day, I was scrolling on Instagram and saw this post from Light Watkins that made everything clear.

Just those words got my creative juices flowing. But then, when I read Light’s caption, I knew I’d found the secret. I encourage you to click the link above and read the full thing. But the part that contains the “secret” is this one:

The way you know you’re in the cage is when you have an impulse to say, do, or try something that you’re naturally curious about — something that isn’t harming anyone — but it contradicts with the image you have in the world.

And because you’re afraid of disappointing or upsetting the people who hold that image of you, you talk yourself out of it. — Light Watkins

Do you see it? The secret is there. And, at least for me, it’s a glorious revelation.

The secret to becoming unapologetically yourself is to build resistance towards the discomfort of disappointing or upsetting any and everyone that tries to put you into a cage.

Why you have such a hard time being yourself

So, there it is. The secret is to disappoint people who have any rigid expectation of you that isn’t aligned with who you truly are. Because their expectations are a cage. And you break free of that cage every time you do something that authentically challenges those expectations.

Now, don’t be fooled. That shit is hard.

Because the people who have the most rigid expectations of you are usually the people whose opinions you care about the most.

They’re your parents. Your family. Your significant other. Your friends. Your teachers. Your boss. Your colleagues. Your followers. Your community. Your people whose respect and admiration you, naturally, desire.

Personally, whenever I find myself hesitating to publically do something that feels like the real me, at least one of those people come to mind. Their voice enters my head. Their face appears. Their way of viewing the world becomes the lens with which I view and judge my decisions.

My heart says “ahhhh, I really want to do this thing!” And my brain responds, “but what will your mom/friends/colleagues think?”

But… who gives a fuck, right?

I’ll tell you who. I do. And maybe you do too.

But we can’t let that stop us. We can’t let overthinking and worrying about what people — whose respect, love, and admiration we desire — prevent us from truly living our lives.

If what you and I are doing is in service of becoming the most authentic, unapologetic versions of ourselves (and we’re not hurting anyone else), we must learn to also become okay with the fact that sometimes we will disappoint those people.

And that disappointment won’t just hurt them. Sometimes, it will hurt us too.

But you know what hurts more? Regret. The idea that one day you’ll realize that the person you’ve disappointed the most throughout your life is you.

So, if the only way to become unapologetically yourself is to choose between disappointing others or disappointing yourself, the choice is incredibly clear.

Don’t you agree?