How to Use Overthinking About “What Ifs” to Your Advantage

You don’t have to wait until you learn to “let things go”.

You can say you’re not included. But I know I’m not the only one.

I know that you, just like me, probably (at least, occasionally) get lost in “what ifs”.

You know those thoughts, right?

They’re the ones that tend to cross your mind right before taking any risk. The ones that make sharing even an ounce of vulnerability feel like an impossible task. The ones that sound something like…

• “What if people think what I’m doing is stupid?”
• “What if people think I’m weird?”
• “What if I share this part of myself and people judge me for it?”

I used to struggle with this type of anxious thinking so much so that a single “what if” was enough to prevent me from doing most of the things I wanted in life.

I didn’t apply for jobs that I really wanted because imposter syndrome had me wondering, “what if the person reading my application immediately thinks I’m stupid for applying…”

I relied on alcohol and partying to make friends because low self-esteem had me wondering, “what if people won’t like me when they find out I’m actually a quiet introvert…”

I avoided talking to people I had crushes on because anxiety had me wondering, “what if this person thinks I’m a loser…”

“You’ll never get anywhere if you go about what-iffing like that.”― Roald Dahl

Admittedly, sometimes, I still fall into this “what if” trap. But, now, I spend a lot less time stuck there because I discovered the trick I’m about to share with you.

First, though, I have to let you know why I couldn’t just follow the “advice” given to most overthinkers…

Well-meaning clichés don’t work

“Just let it go.”

That’s what most people will tell you to do if you tell them you’re struggling with anxiety or overthinking.

And I think those people are right. Sometimes. I guess.

I mean… you will be much happier when you can release these thoughts. But as someone who has always had a strong tendency towards anxious thinking, it usually doesn’t work.

Is it a worthwhile goal that you and I should work towards? Absolutely.

I want to be there. I’m working to be at that place where I can effortlessly let these types of thoughts go. And I believe, one day, I’ll get there.

But, honestly, I’m not there yet. Are you?

And, because I’m not there, my brain immediately rejects this type of “let it go” advice. Why? Because it’s too simple. It sounds cliché. It’s not attainable for me in the moment I need it.

So, what’s the trick? It’s a bit counterintuitive. But, at least for me, it’s working.

It’s this: I don’t let go of the “what if”. I hold on to it. I mindfully let it marinate.

Because here’s the thing — what if you’re right?

The counterintuitive trick to stop getting trapped in “what ifs”

The real trap in “what if’’ thinking is that we tend to only think of the worst outcomes. And, usually, they’re the outcomes in which we always get the shit end of the stick.

But, again, what if you’re right?

What if people do think you’re stupid? What if people do think you’re weird? What if people judge you for being vulnerable?

“You’d think, ‘What if I make a mistake today, I’ll regret it’. I don’t believe in regret, I feel everything leads us to where we are and we have to just jump forward, mean well, commit, and just see what happens.” - Angelina Jolie

The truth is that many of our worries as overthinkers are based on reality.

You’re not crazy or irrational for thinking that way. Those things can and will happen if you take enough worthwhile risks.

BUT — here’s the trick in action — what if you’re only looking at things from one side? What if you’re not thinking about the possible outcomes enough?

What do I mean?

You can use overthinking to your advantage

I’ve learned I can use my tendency to overthink to push these “what if” thoughts a bit further.

I can push them so far that they actually end up encouraging me to do the things I want rather than holding me back. And you can do this too.

• “What if some people think what you’re doing is stupid AND some people think it’s inspiring?”
• “What if some people think you’re weird AND some people think you’re uniquely amazing?”
• “What if some people judge you for being vulnerable BUT, in the process, you deepen your connections with others and develop a new level of self-respect too?”

Both the negative and positive outcomes are possible. And when it comes to taking risks that can improve your life, the potential positive outcomes tend to be worth it. Don’t you think?

Again, you can say you’re not included. That you never experience self-doubt caused by “what ifs” about anything. Ever.

I used to think that too. But I was lying to myself. I was avoiding the painful truth that this way of thinking was preventing me from truly living life on my own terms.

But I don’t want to live like that anymore. And I don’t want to wait until I can just “let it go” to start. And you shouldn’t either.

So, if you are an overthinker like me, I leave you with these questions.

What if it’s worth it to be honest? What if it’s worth it to stop pretending you can just let things go?

What if everything you’re afraid of is true BUT so too is the possibility that something great could also happen that makes facing those fears worth it?

What if?