The Naughty Disclaimer

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2016

Abstract

ot, I’m respectful.</p><p id="4710">Sometimes my jokes push the boundaries too far. I think it’s the hazard of being a wannabee comedian. Generally, I pick my audience. Body language and eye contact. If you’re a stick in the mud I’ll smile and nod politely. If you’re a joker, I’ll bounce the ball back. Need a shoulder to cry on? I’ll listen and try to offer words of wisdom, after all, I’ve been through my own trauma. I’m a chamaeleon adapting to those around me.</p><p id="934c">In person, there are ways of telling when to tone down the swearing and smut. The boundaries are usually clear with cues. I do still suffer from foot-in-mouth disease. Online, it’s hard to know where the line is. It’s easy to say, write what you want. But… there are consequences. Words can misfire. I rely on smiling — a shitload. Maybe I should move to OnlyFans… Oh, but it’s not those lips you’d want to see. Scratch that.</p><p id="7bf4">As a general rule, I’ve been open and approaching people like long-lost friends… banter is fun. I love to joke and maybe brighten up someone’s day. There is enough misery in the world. I’m the same online and off. I find humour breaks down barriers. A shared joke connects people. Sometimes the masks drop.</p><p id="a33c">But I forget, I don’t actually know people and they don’t know me. Not yet anyway. Welcome to the online world, where stalkers and sex fiends congregate. And I might just be one of them. Can I have your number, babe? Credit card? What are you wearing?</p><p id="d8b3">Up until recently, when online I have been very careful with my image and how I come across. It’s not entirely fake. It’s just a watered-down version of me. A brand name. Still me, just a different hat. No smutty undies though or even a Madonna cone bra. No sexual innuendos. Only an occasional fuck.</p><p id="daae">So I have come full circle because before I post I feel like adding my disclaimer.</p><blockquote id="34ae"><p>Before I begin I feel the need to apologise.</p></blockquote><blockquote

Options

id="9d0e"><p>Prompt: Quirks, we all have them. What’s yours? — By <a href="undefined">Tannille ⭐️</a></p></blockquote><p id="4fe4">Feel free to use my prompt and tag me. I’d love to read about your quirks.</p><div id="5bb3" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/read-or-die-publication-rules-c84757ff97e6"> <div> <div> <h2>Read or Die! — Publication Rules</h2> <div><h3>Updated August 2023 Guidelines</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*1cWjoYejSw_r2BAH3_p40A.png)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="3190" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/mums-white-lies-the-santa-edition-969ca25f79a7"> <div> <div> <h2>Mum’s White Lies: The Santa Edition</h2> <div><h3>Mumma Bear and Her Quick Bullshit Tongue</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*sFzUcgqyZqbCoRE4)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="80ce" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/i-believe-in-dragons-soul-mates-and-other-fantasy-creatures-749cb7cd27c2"> <div> <div> <h2>I believe in Dragons, Soul Mates, and Other Fantasy Creatures</h2> <div><h3>Fairy Tales, Soul Mates, and Other Lies</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*qbBDytHH9JcAkkg0)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Naughty or Nice, Everything Spice

Wrong, The Muse chooses my words. Not sure it’ll hold up in a court but it’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

When I first joined writing groups and read my stories out loud I always started with —

Before I begin I feel the need to apologise.

The table would start cracking up. They knew what was coming, something naughty. They didn’t know if it was the f-bomb or to listen out for smut. At the very least it was a promise for something inappropriate. My line became a censorship warning. An ongoing joke. And the looks of disappointment if my story came with no warning. FYI it rarely happened because when I write for an audience I get my stupid out.

There have been stories I refused to read. Maybe there is a kiddo round. Maybe there are too many old folks. One session there was a lovely Irish lady in her early 80s. A real grandmother type. I stopped myself short from saying my favourite word and she snapped —

I’ve been saying fuck since before your mother was born. Don’t not say it for my sake.

I got told. Awesome lady. The first time an elder ever encouraged me to use the word of glory. I was raised to respect elders. If you insist… I did respect her wishes. It didn’t sit right.

There is a time and place. I’ve never been one to litter my sentences just because I can. That’s not funny or clever. It cheapens. If I am out and about I tone myself down. It’s called being civilised. Believe it or not, I’m respectful.

Sometimes my jokes push the boundaries too far. I think it’s the hazard of being a wannabee comedian. Generally, I pick my audience. Body language and eye contact. If you’re a stick in the mud I’ll smile and nod politely. If you’re a joker, I’ll bounce the ball back. Need a shoulder to cry on? I’ll listen and try to offer words of wisdom, after all, I’ve been through my own trauma. I’m a chamaeleon adapting to those around me.

In person, there are ways of telling when to tone down the swearing and smut. The boundaries are usually clear with cues. I do still suffer from foot-in-mouth disease. Online, it’s hard to know where the line is. It’s easy to say, write what you want. But… there are consequences. Words can misfire. I rely on smiling — a shitload. Maybe I should move to OnlyFans… Oh, but it’s not those lips you’d want to see. Scratch that.

As a general rule, I’ve been open and approaching people like long-lost friends… banter is fun. I love to joke and maybe brighten up someone’s day. There is enough misery in the world. I’m the same online and off. I find humour breaks down barriers. A shared joke connects people. Sometimes the masks drop.

But I forget, I don’t actually know people and they don’t know me. Not yet anyway. Welcome to the online world, where stalkers and sex fiends congregate. And I might just be one of them. Can I have your number, babe? Credit card? What are you wearing?

Up until recently, when online I have been very careful with my image and how I come across. It’s not entirely fake. It’s just a watered-down version of me. A brand name. Still me, just a different hat. No smutty undies though or even a Madonna cone bra. No sexual innuendos. Only an occasional fuck.

So I have come full circle because before I post I feel like adding my disclaimer.

Before I begin I feel the need to apologise.

Prompt: Quirks, we all have them. What’s yours? — By Tannille ⭐️

Feel free to use my prompt and tag me. I’d love to read about your quirks.