The Myth of the Strong Person

Traits we’ve been trained to admire aren’t necessarily strength

In fairy tales, a strong person, is often portrayed as a man (maybe a knight) who subdues dragons or performs other feats of courage and strength. The stereotypical image of a strong women might include a mother who lifts a car off of her child or one who stands up for herself against aggression. There’s nothing wrong with these examples, but they don’t begin to tell the entire story. True strength is less about holding firm at all costs and more about knowing when it’s appropriate to bend or be flexible; to change your mind or learn something new. Strong people are always growing; weak people are stagnant, clinging to the perceived safety of the past. Lots of people who believe they are strong because they never show vulnerability or doubt are really just emotional children wearing heavy suits of armor.

Strong People aren’t afraid to show vulnerability because they understand that it is at the core of being authentic and key to being deeply connected with others. They can admit to making mistakes.

Weak People want everyone to think they’ve got everything figured out and handled. They don’t want anyone to see the cracks in that facade, even though it’s entirely human. It keeps them isolated, but with the veneer of competency.

Strong People can share their unpleasant life experiences in public, even when they can pretty much expect to be hassled for it. They write articles about their experiences and perhaps what they’ve learned from them. They might otherwise share on social media. They embrace the power and potential healing that comes with vulnerability.

Weak People are the ones doing the hassling. The weakest of the weak is the troll, whose purpose in life is to cause someone else pain. Causing someone else pain on purpose is the epitome of Weak People behavior.

Strong People listen to people who are down or upset and try to understand what they might need in order to not be so down, even if they are not willing or able to give it to them.

Weak People kick and belittle people who are down, presuming to know how they have either brought their misfortunes upon themselves or have vastly exaggerated their importance.

Strong People — take responsibility for themselves and look to see where they might possibly be a part of the problem, even if it’s just a very small part. This doesn’t mean taking on blame; it means noticing, what if anything is yours and then owning it.

Weak People — can only see win/lose. If someone talks about a hardship they’ve had, a weak person says their life is so much worse. Making life into a contest or minimizing someone else’s pain is what a weak person does.

Strong People take stock of where their own wounds and bad experiences color their perceptions of things and adjust accordingly.

Weak People think they have every right to act from their wounds; after all…. they’ve been hurt!

Strong People can be persuaded to new points of view or the broader perspectives that additional information brings.

Weak People cannot ever concede that another person has a good point or that they see something in a new light. Even if they have a slightly altered perspective; they won’t admit it, because that’s what they think strong people do; hold fast and never admit to any weakness. In the face of persuasive information, double down on your position.

Strong People understand that different people can experience the exact same thing differently and that paradoxes exist.

Weak People think there is only one right belief which is the one they hold.

Any strength I have did not come about because I was born that way or was handed a magical sword. I became strong over many years and with thousands of hours of self-reflection and honing. I am not perfect; I make mistakes on a regular basis, but that is why I am a Strong Person, because I have no trouble admitting that and I continue to forge myself on a daily basis.

If you recognized a part of yourself in the Weak Person category, but wish you could change that, congratulations! That is a Strong Person desire; to improve and do better. You are already on your way. If you need some help, go get some. That is also a Strong Person trait, to not be afraid to ask for help. Talk with a therapist or a life coach, read a book, take up yoga or tai chi, meditate or pray on a regular basis. Self-reflection and real understanding of what drives you both consciously and unconsciously is key to making lasting change.

Sometimes people behave in weak ways because they are wounded and lashing out. But even people who have been deeply wounded can pursue their own healing and go forward as compassionate and empathetic human beings, which is what the Strongest People always are!