The Momma’s Dom Notes: Comedy Night and the Missed Spot Light
The hilarious chronicles of hall passes, comparing a dick I didn’t know I had, missed callbacks, and regrets
There we were, after years of staying isolated due to the world and my health we were at a kink event. That is to say, a bunch of us went to a comedy club and sat proudly as a member of our alternative lifestyle by drinking beer with a great group of people and laughing our asses off at the comedians talking about sex on stage. Long breath in. Our area of seating was more familiar with their off-colored topics causing us to laugh the loudest and longest, naughty humor always worth an uncomfortable giggle to some.
Thinking back, Momma agreed to this night out for several reasons, the biggest being a night out with Mr. Whiskers and filling it with laughter, new friends’ potential, and fun. The other biggie was, that I could see on stage what everyone has been pushing me to pursue thinking my level head is funny in some way. It’s only my timing I assure you. The kink group was all seated and ready for the show to open. We laughed at the first comic, we laughed harder at the second and he sparked something in me I would wait until the end of the show to pursue. Truth and pain of life they say is where comedy lies. Momma isn’t afraid to stir up old ghosts.
It was at that moment when the 2nd and 3rd comedians performed a sort of Improv crossover thing to the 3rd performers’ set, that caught me and wouldn’t let the aspiring comedian in me go. They mentioned “Hall Passes” in Batavia, Illinois. What is a hall pass in this context you ask yourself, dear reader, it is good that you did for the rest of my tale to make sense. A hall pass is when people devoted to one another identify that person, celebrity, or, situation they can pursue if the opportunity arises, and the understanding is, that one would look the other way forgiving anything that happens or occurs as if it never did. Which is called their…? A+++ class, hall pass.
During their little back-and-forth energized banter they took the time to interact with the audience. Husbands and wives were treated to questions of each other’s passes. One couple included a celebrity who was no longer alive. The comedians took the time to point out that the rules did not work when one ceased living. Unless Necrophilia was their thing, which was also illegal, and being Christians they did not condone it. I wondered if they did not condone it, under what circumstances would they? Not that Momma would, ewww but, like is there a correspondence course I could take for these get-out-of-jail-free situations?
It was quickly adding up as the comedians and audience went on that there was a hall pass set of rules, and I was badly in need of reading it. Set laws for cheating that one defined person was also forgiven that one time without a word and I had not seen the script? Was someone penning this relationship companion and where are the Cliff Notes? You know, just so no one crosses over the line and if they do there is something to fall back on, clearly defining the process and procedures of a one-night fling in a hypothetical, it really happened, type of way. Kinda like the relationship contracts in my part of the world.
The hall pass is unusable in court documents I am sure, how do you use the celebrity crush and pass as a defense? But… judge… you gotta see here… it was like Pauly Shore, you gotta understand, the weasel, was my hall pass, it only happened that one time!!! Furthermore, if you do get to have your hall pass, do you get to pick another once completed? Is there a prize if you hit 10 in a row, like a free medium cheese pizza, with up to 3 free toppings? My missed moment was right here, right during their discussion on celebrity cheating. That type of moment I might have had my first spotlight laugh… My missed seconds under the bright light… Regret!
They finished up their shared set with a humorous bit about Queen Elizabeth’s pegging ghost. Yes, you heard me right both of these comedians didn’t only go for the recently deceased monarch, they also made her quite modern with her waist apparatus, and the intention of purpose the phallic shape the royal ghost wore. Long breath in. Momma truly wondered if she was doing all this ghostly joining of thee royal nether regions, dressed in plastic aimed at the comedians’ puckered brown eye holes, was one of them her ghostly celebrity crush.
Also, what was the rule if the one with the hall pass was deceased and a ghost, are the living on their playing field? One more loud pass between the two and the second comedian walked off the stage, plugging the selling of his misordering of oversized t-shirts for a slogan calling out smaller men, the irony was not lost on me. His shirt would be sold after the show. This was Comedian #2’s big missed rolling gag moment, in Momma’s uneducated mind, as he walked off the stage.
Needless to say, the room went gutter after that. The comedian under the bright lights, was from a popular TV show. His work is known and he is a familiar face. We watched and laughed, we had fun and Momma took a lot of the stage and performers into her comedic heart and mind. I got emotional when I walked into the comedy club initially. I saw Eddie Murphy painted on a wall, in his RAW performance and I wanted to weep, I did a little, and the tears welled up.
It was a little club in a former bank, in Batavia, Illinois, held barely 200 but for me, it was larger than life. It was as if I was watching the most patriotically uplifting thing as a child, a 4th of July parade and this was the part where the Veterans wheeled themselves or marched down the street with a salute at the ready, flag flying and fireworks blasting around them. The pride and respect of the work done in this space filled Momma with the spirits of all the comedians that ever walked across a stage, ghosts too. Studying the humorous realm is not new… and yet I never have stood in front of a mic. Hmm…
I listened with intent as the 3rd comedian explained the absurdity of life. Fatherhood in particular and being divorced a close second. Studying comedy for some time Momma understands that comedy at its heart is life. Jokes are made up of truth and pain. You find the truth in any situation, allow the pain to be stated, and add some attitude to the topic. Poof, you have the makings of rolling hilarity. Life is serious and the ability to laugh at yourself and your hurdles is sometimes the only thing that can propel you forward. Laughing at yourself, your situation, your cards dealt, through the tears.
A famous line Momma has held to her 6 autoimmunes, big funny boned heart is, “Does it hurt, only when I laugh.” The comedian explained what it was like to be on a family trip with an idiot for a tour guide with the mentality of the do as little as possible crowd. He finished his set and the show was over with his biggest laugh still hanging out there never to be grabbed, in Momma’s untrained opinion that is. This was his mistake like the previous comic. They built it up and never pulled it back and threw it. Confusion, wasn’t that comedy, taking the shot and bouncing up and down on it?
I decided to revisit that moment with comedian #2 whom I had noted to come back to after the show. I asked Mr. Whiskers for $20 to buy one of his over-ordered, too-big t-shirts, there is a joke in here somewhere I am sure. Walking up to him I was so calm as if he was just another human, he was except he was amped up from the stage and sweaty as all hell, which made him all stage weary and shiny. I gave him my money and took the opportunity to ask him what I intended, and what did it feel like to stand on that stage. He seemed shocked someone had asked for advice like that. Taken aback a moment he recovered and told me the best advice to give to a newbie, take some Improv classes. Oh good, I was already scheduled for one in 3 days.
The other piece of advice is to fake it until you make it. Get stuck, just make fun of yourself. The audience will, might as well take them with you down that drain. Solid advice. I am not sure what compelled me but I told him his sex jokes were funny but my source material is by far more real and humourous to that life. I knew a pregnant dogman in transition to become a cat. He chuckled and his face lit up, “You must be a comedian, we all think our jokes are funnier than each other.” The GM of the club overheard and made it a point to tell me that there is an open mike night every Wednesday, with no cover charge. She was kind, I liked her.
I walked away thanking him and rushed out into the night as the club closed fast after the last set. In the vehicle looking for tacos at 9 pm in a town that goes to sleep at 8:30, we discussed the comedians. I explained to Mr. Whiskers, that while I found them all to be amazing and I laughed so hard my throat was sore, it was not at all what I imagined in my mind. He pressed me for my why. Comedy shows to me are like Eddie Murphy’s Raw, a start, a middle, an ending that leaves you with a recall, a red brick that makes you relive the entire performance and leaves you laughing all over again. Robin Williams was great at that and would be a hall pass if he wasn’t deceased at present. The callback, as is named appropriately. I saw missed opportunities for the red brick in both the #2 and #3 performers sets. That red brick is sacred to comedy in my mind and no one threw it!!!
Mr. Whiskers took the time to explain to me that what I did with the shirt and my questions was fine but I essentially told comedian #2 that my comedic dick was bigger than his. Did I? I didn’t, wouldn’t, hadn’t realized that. In my world, I don’t equate male and female roles as I try hard to see equality. I am Momma and that is the way it is. Everyone else is labeled human like me. I wanted to feel bad that I did that to a comedian, not meaning to sound degrading without consent, but I wasn’t so sure that it was about a pissing contest at all. In retrospect it felt more like a young baseball player named The Babe, standing in Game 3 of the 1932 World Series. He “called his shot” and hit one against Chicago, over the wall giving him a home run. That’s all I think I did. Stand toe to toe with someone and claim I am better. Now I just have to prove it.
So, if you are in Batavia some night and you end up at a comedy club on Wednesday and the lady standing on stage droning on about why she did not stand up and declare her celebrity crush was 007 and Sean Connery was dead against rule #22 of the Hall Pass Handbook, currently being penned by The Momma Dom, on sale in the back after the show. Under the bright lights next to the stage a kind GM will be watching as I am pontificating sweaty and shiny in that dark packed room if, David Koechner, would be my hall pass in place of the dead former 00-spy. Yes, the dude from The Office and the creepy manager from the movie Waiting. I might have gotten the laugh or the experience of being in the spotlight. My missed moment.
What the… Lizabeth lube it before you peg and moan, not like you are climaxing your British apparition, like a ghost pegging comedian… (I didn’t miss the Red Brick Boys it’s comedy to me)
The Momma Dom, an aspiring roaster
As a personal note to Mister David Koechner, my new hall pass, I do know who Don Quixote is and his windmills are my power source of adventure. Sancho Panza makes me smile.
Authors Note: When asked if anything could be changed in my story Mr. Whiskers said, “Your choice in hall passes.” Like, is Queen Elizabeth okay??? Damn that rule #22.
About the Author — The Momma Dom lives in the Midwest, Illinois. She is in her late forties and is married to her best friend. Several kids, dogs, and grandkids round out her personal life. Momma is also disabled and has, 6 autoimmune. Her world is spent in her immune safer bubble, and she uses the internet to find out about the Earth and the people that borrow it. She writes everything and often, many times daily.
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Keywords: advice creativity humor relationships satire