The Missing Piece to the Life Puzzle
Who said it had to be complicated?
There’s so much to do, isn’t there? We keep telling ourselves we have to change, to improve. To exercise more, to eat healthier foods, to be better partners, to be more environmentally friendly, to make more money, to work for more responsible companies, to work on our dreams, to get better routines, to do this, to do that.
It is honorable to want to improve life, but there’s a huge difference between beating ourselves up and doing things from our hearts. Between doing things because our minds tell us it is the right thing for us, “we have to”, and doing with pleasure because we love ourselves and, naturally, we do what is most nourishing for us. See the difference?
Most of humanity is stuck in the former. We want everything, and we are overly attached to outcomes, not satisfied with the now. As we don’t manage to do a third of what “we should” we give up, become numb, or burn out. It is not sustainable.
The switch from the former to the latter happens through self-love. Self-acceptance. Self-respect. Self-nurturing. Self-worth.
It is about how we do things. The base is doing things out of love. And to get there we need to love ourselves first. Treat our own soil. Self-love is the moisty fertile soil that allows our seeds to germinate in alignment.
I love myself
I love the sound of the wind. I love dancing. I love my family. I love green apples dipped in tahini. I love myself. I love my life.
Now, your turn. What do you love? How does it feel for you to say “I love myself” aloud? On a scale from 0 to 10, how much do you love your life?
It is so easy for us to say I love this or that, but for many, saying “I love myself” does not come that naturally. There’s a certain awkwardness.
Isn’t it heartbreaking that “I love myself” doesn’t come as easily as “I love chocolate”?
That’s how strong our inner critic is. That’s our lack of self-worth and shame, right there. Transforming this is the big first step in transforming life.
One of my favorite affirmations is “I am a unique expression of life itself”. It is true for every single one of us.
We live in a society that thrives in us not being fully happy, and not loving ourselves. People who love themselves don’t need to consume so much. For me, the main lesson of self-acceptance is that I don’t need to prove anything — to myself or to anyone else. The only thing I am required in this life is to be myself.
People who don’t need to prove anything don’t need the support of brands for a sense of identity. They don’t need to impress, as they don’t feel unworthy or undervalued. They are not so attached to the external, because they can always count on themselves. Their egos are not that fragile and they can take themselves lightly. Shouldn’t that be the standard of life?
But it isn’t. Self-love is the main soft skill that our generation is to learn. Without it, we act like robots and live out of alignment. Always feeling something is missing but not knowing what. What is missing is our vibrating, connected heart.
“You can only get what you already have”
We all have so much love within. Sure, sometimes we feel disconnected, but make no mistake, it is all in there. The truth is, every thought and feeling exist within each one of us. The question is, where do we put our attention? Because it is our attention, our present awareness that decides what gets heard and reinforced. What we bring to our everyday lives.
It is like we are a radio gadget with all these possible channels, frequencies we can connect to. Let’s try it for a second: focus on someone you love a lot. Picture a few scenes where you felt connected to that person. Stay there. How does it feel in your body as you remember these scenes? Do you smile at yourself? Do you feel lighter instantly? Let that energy expand to you more and more. See? It is already there. We all have it. The more you come back to this feeling, the more you get to live from it.
You can do this with anything. Moments of great joy or thoughts of dissatisfaction, your choice.
Unfortunately, we live in a society that reinforces negative frequencies and we go with it, instead of actively exercising our ability to change stations. We accept suffering, misery, working for something without a purpose, not developing our dreams. We reinforce our worries on and on by keeping our attention on them. That can only happen from a place where we don’t see our worth more. We lack self-love and self-acceptance. Even worse, we accept dissatisfaction.
So off we go looking for dates so we are not lonely, instead of looking for people to expand our existing joy with. We act out of preventing the bad instead of expanding the good. These are such different places to act from.
Sadly many of us don’t think we deserve to live from a place of love and joy. We might say we do, but off our mind goes worrying about things, frustrated, disconnected, living “as it is”.
It is by connecting to the love we all already have within that we connect to love everywhere. If we go around looking for better situations outside without improving our radio station, the job will be infinite.
“When you have made good friends with yourself, your situation will be more friendly too”
Self-love does not allow us to put ourselves in situations that go against ourselves. It does not allow us to keep in the negative radio stations.
It is from a place of self-worth and self-respect, that we are able to put boundaries. Say no. Discern what is good for us and what is not. Be ourselves, lovingly, authentically, and yet not always nice and people-pleasing.
Self-love brings self-acceptance, which brings honesty. It brings openness to vulnerability. It is from a place of self-love that authenticity and empowerment come from. That we dare to stand for what we want and who we are because we know our worth.
It is from a place of self-love that we don’t give in because we know what matters. Inner alignment.
It is from a place of self-love that we keep caring for the environment, even if we can’t beat global warming. Because we love nature and the environment. Because we love ourselves and we know how dependent we are of everything to exist. When we disrespect the environment, we disrespect ourselves.
How much we destroy our outside world is nothing but a reflex of our inner self-destruction. Our lack of self-love.
Self-love does not allow us to escape ourselves. Self-love does not allow ourselves to be self-destructive.
Everything begins with self-love. Doesn’t that sound a delicious place to be? Self-nurturing, self-caring.
From there we can let our love guide the work. With joy. We are all worth it.
And if you laugh at people who say cheesy things like “we are all worth it”, I challenge you to look at yourself in the mirror and repeat three times “I love myself” with presence and joy. I challenge you to be honest with yourself and love yourself.
Self-love practices
Affirmations
Work with sentences such as “I love myself”, “I am a unique expression of life itself”, “I love my life”, “I don’t need to prove anything to anyone”, “I am already living in the gift”. Say them aloud, journal them, and feel their effect in your body. Notice what is alive in you as you do this.
Self-forgiveness
What are the things in your past that you regret, or anything happening now that you are beating yourself up for? Meditate on them, journal on them, and forgive yourself for them. Accept them and let them go.
Spend time with yourself only
Enjoy your own company. Not to work on your to-do list, but to have fun. Sing alone, dance alone, go for a nice walk; do anything you like doing enjoying your own company. Laugh friendly at how serious you take yourself.
Gratitude
Recognize what you have in life with a daily gratitude practice. Name three things and events you are grateful for. Take your time. Connect to what you say. Picture them and feel in your body the joy they bring you. Let them expand.
Self-massage
One thing I do every morning before getting out of bed is to touch my body. Sometimes I massage my hands, others I stroke my arms. Sometimes I grab my legs. There is no rule. The point is to be present and connected before anything else. To be thankful for having a healthy body and a new day in this life. To feel alive.
Slow down
Slowing down is the best remedy to get out of auto-pilot. To notice how we are treating ourselves. That is how we catch our self-talk and improve it. Slowing down allows us to reclaim ourselves.
Hi, I am Aline Ra M, spiritual guide, energy worker, and tea lover.
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