The Metaphor That Changed My Mind

Are you a potato, egg or coffee bean?

There’s a quote that circulates time and again that evokes a visceral reaction in me:

The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. It’s about what you’re made of, not the circumstances. (Source)

It’s visceral likely because I’m one of those people who have a vivid imagination, and I’m envisioning the potato mush-ifying (is that a word?) right up and the egg hardening. Plus, despite being a known egg fanatic, I actually quite dislike hard-boiled eggs. There’s something about the literal version of this metaphor that gives me the feeling of tiny critters crawling up my back. Maybe it’s a sensory thing?

Yet, the deeper lesson in this is powerful, but also something I struggle with.

The deeper meaning is stated in the quote — regardless of the circumstance, this quote is supposed to empower you to feel like you’re in control of things. It teaches you the lesson that you can be whoever you want regardless of the circumstances. It’s supposed to be freeing.

But is the “good” circumstance the egg or the potato?

It’s so interesting because as soon as I try to explain this quote, it seems to fall apart for me. First of all, if I try to lock in “who” I want to choose to be, I get lost.

Do you want to be the egg that hardens up against the harshest of climates and becomes something edible and nutritious (albeit unpalatable to Lucy’s standards)? To me, picking the “egg” as the favorable outcome to achieve despite the harsh circumstances tells a story of triumph and strength.

Or…

Do you want to be the potato that softens over time, mellowing out in healing goodness? Though growing up I was always expected to be the egg, to harden up and become stronger, the older I get, the more I value the growth process of being able to soften up and nurture. Potatoes have that soft comfort food that just nourishes the soul and gives others strength.

In a way, the quote falls apart to me here because it supposedly pits one example against another and teaches the lesson that you can choose to be the “better” despite the circumstances. But, I’m realizing, both eggs and potatoes are pretty damn amazing and nutritious foods, each brilliantly delicious in their own ways?

The verdict is still out and I never solved the “which is better” between the two.

Also, what happens if you’re born the egg or the potato?

Implicit in the metaphor is the suggestion that you should be able to channel your energy and choose whether to be the egg or the potato regardless of the circumstances.

But that’s not how life works.

You’re likely born, and you are the egg or the potato. Can the potato “choose” to harden up like the egg in these circumstances if he really tried? Can the egg “choose” to soften up like the potato in these circumstances if that’s her ultimate dream?

If we dissect this metaphor to its component parts (caveat: which maybe we shouldn’t), it assumes that you are an amorphous blob that hasn’t been determined into egg or potato form yet, and in face of boiling hot water, you get to choose whether to be an egg to harden up or be the potato and soften up.

For one, maybe I’m interpreting this too literally.

But also, it makes me think. There is such a strong narrative in our culture to tell people they can be anything they want to be if they simply chose and put in the effort, sometimes without looking at the true range and limits that the person has given their circumstance.

While I think there is free will and the power to choose, I also think the environment interacts and sets a boundary around each individual choice. Making that choice may mean sacrificing literally everything else you have to achieve one goal. Too often, we praise the people who do that while shaming those who chose a more moderate life.

To choose to sacrifice everything for one goal is admirable in a certain way and can be celebrated. To choose to sacrifice one goal in one facet of your life to preserve the other goals in your life is equally as admirable. And sometimes we forget that.

“There are two kinds of people”… no, maybe three?

I was recently listening to a podcast episode with Jon Gordon, who expands on this metaphor with a third item: the coffee bean.

He uses these three ingredients in his metaphor:

• The carrot that softens (instead of the potato)
• The egg that hardens
• The coffee bean that influences the water

As someone who has spent far too many showers mulling over the potato and egg metaphor, the coffee bean addition threw me right off. I was boxing myself in, forgetting that there could be other options I haven’t thought of.

Whereas the potato/carrot and egg metaphor focus on how the hot water (circumstance) changes you, there’s something empowering to the concept of the coffee bean influencing the circumstance right back.

Moreover, in that influencing, you create a rejuvenating caffeinated substance that energizes others too. It’s a metaphor that keeps on giving.

Why This Probably Resonated With Me

I get this quote slapped in my face when I discuss racism or other forms of marginalization — a lot. This quote applying in this situation is meant to shut down advocacy for systemic change to shift it back to individual responsibility.

It tells a story of how racism (the hot water) can either harden you like the egg into someone bitter or soften you as you learn how to accept that it just exists. When this quote is applied to situations of systemic inequality, it’s about whether you “choose” to be an egg or a potato.

But in a way, though we can try to work with what we have, to some degree, we don’t have a lot of room to choose.

Some people were born the egg, more likely to harden up when faced with hardship and inequality.

Others are born the potato, somehow remaining soft through it all and trying to support others in a nourishing way.

Yet others are out there being the coffee bean, trying to change their circumstance for themselves, but for others too.

People really like to put the coffee bean folks on a pedestal; I agree that they should be celebrated for their work. But celebrating the coffee beans doesn’t mean we need to shame the eggs and potatoes for succumbing to their environment given what they had encountered or what they were most probably going to end up doing.

I really hate the narrative that when faced with inequality, we’re automatically assumed that we need to dedicate and sacrifice our lives to change this. What if all I wanted to do is be an artist that draws eggs for a living? What if my life aspiration was to cook delicious omelettes for my customers in my cute breakfast nook under a bridge?

My point is — some people get to choose whether they get to be the egg, the potato or the coffee bean because they may exist not in boiling hot water, but on a plate served to customers who each have their own preferences. In this ambient air, you as an amorphous blob could have been successful and happy as any of these three options.

Yet other people are thrown into hot water from the beginning, told by people outside of the pot that their only choice is to be the coffee bean as the best choice out of the three.

And perhaps the bigger question isn’t whether you should be a coffee bean, egg or potato, but questioning why some people get to thrive in ambient air and others thrown into the hot, boiling deep end.

Summary

In the end, sometimes I’m the hard-boiled egg — something people expect me to like as The Egg Lady but actually, I quite hate the narrative that I can only be strong and hardened to the world. Sometimes, I’m the potato, learning to be nourishing and supportive to others despite the boiling heat. Sometimes, I aspire to be the coffee bean, to change my surroundings into a delicious rejuvenating liquid that pumps alertness through your vein.

I can be all three while questioning why I must be placed in hot water when I, too, can exist in ambient temperature.

Curious to hear about your thoughts!

As always, I wrap up my longer pieces with a few writing prompts because I love hearing what others might think! My interpretation of things is never the end of a discussion, and is often just a flashlight to shine on what I do see, but also what I’m missing — that’s where your voice and opinion come in.

• Are you the carrot, the egg, or the coffee bean? What relationship do you have with this metaphor?
• In the discussion of personal autonomy / free will & circumstantial situations, where do you fall? Why is that?
• What am I missing from this discussion that you would like to shine a light on?

I’d be happy to accept responses to these prompts in The Brain is a Noodle. If you choose to publish elsewhere or self-publish, feel free to tag me so I can read your response and share it on social media!

Hi I’m Lucy Dan 蛋小姐 (she/her/她) and I started this post as a shortform piece, only 150, and here I am, 1500+ words later going way too deep into a metaphor that was supposed to be short, sweet, and simple. I love dissecting metaphors because in relating lessons to something tangible, I often get to see what I’m missing about my own experiences in a new light. What about you?

Hop down the rabbit hole? 🐰🕳

^ by Yan Huang