LIMERIDICULOUS

The Large Long Limerick War of 2021

Time to get your cadence on.

There’s a Medium — but well done — war of words brewing.

So far, the “combatants” include: Jennifer McDougall, Terry Trueman, Will Hull, Adelia Ritchie, Skye Mo'ipulelehua Kahoali'i, Jupiter Grant and little old me, taking most of the abuse … of course. Boo freakin’ hoo.

If I left anyone out, that’s by design. I want to see how many others I can enrage so they charge into battle.

It all started when editor/author Terry Trueman poked fun at my now infamous double limerick, messaging, in essence, “there are perfectly fine reasons why nobody writes these things.” Then, he doubled back on his editorial ethics and published the thing … because it’s brilliant.

I’m putting words in his mouth, but that’s intentional. How else am I to inflame this simmering situation and turn it into a full-blown fire storm?

Then, in rapid succession, Will Hull and Adelia Ritchie joined in the fray, along with Skye Mo'ipulelehua Kahoali'i and Jupiter Grant, I think.

Jennifer-come-lately (Jennifer McDougall) recently pitted Will Hull against me in her prose piece on the conflict, even likening me to an ice cube (or maybe it was iceberg) at one point. Oh, the sting of her metaphoric gloves across my tender young cheeks. It’s a good thing I’ve got a thick hide.

As an aside, Will Hull is threatening to write an ENTIRE NOVEL composed only of limericks. He too, came in for some of Jennifer McDougall’s withering wit.

We’ve yet to hear more from Terry Trueman but I’m sure he’s out there, sauteing like a faux-rage-filled stew waiting for just the right moment to boil over.

Meanwhile I feel obliged to hold up my end of the fight by writing limericks of ever-increasing proportions and tagging an ever-lengthening list of fellow authors (For the Freudian apostles in the crowd, it shouldn’t be a stretch to figure out what I’m up to here.)

In case you’re confused by all this blather — and who wouldn’t be — links to all the above-mentioned writer’s relevant stories are given below. Except for yours Terry.

Meanwhile, “enjoy” the big swinging limerick below.

Its origins, lost in the mist

Leaving only a few to get pissed

It began as a joke

But flames did it stoke

Well fuck, first I’d like to get kissed

A lass from the clan o’ McDougall*

Weighed in like a blast from a bugle

She poked Mr. Will

Then not to sit still

She compared the good doctor to kugel^

And from off of the Jupiter planet**

She’s illin’, don’t take her for Grant it

She’ll spin you right ‘round

Drill you into the ground

Escape is impossible! Can it!

Will’s threatened to write A. Hohl book***

But first, at his words, let us look

They fill up the pages

And serve to engage us

And they’re clever as hell, with a hook

Skye-Mo-K’s a dancer, she claims****

A f*rt and a burp she doth names

She rhymed “Burg” and “erg”

Then stirred in some “murg”

Her gift was a fanning of flames

Ritchie just wrote a five verser*****

God damn! It’s about to get worser

She invited a kick

Give it! And quick

Before she again hits the cursor

The Trueman, he’s been kinda quiet******

In this skirmish, a big freakin’ riot

He’s tight-lipped, is he

Let loose oh Terreee!

With some prize-winning prose, that’s your diet

If you read the fine work of the fine folks listed, some of the more obscure references in the hodgepodge above will become less murky. Promise.

*Jennifer McDougall

^ Jennifer McDougall did not compare me to kugel in her story, but I used the word because it rhymes so nicely with bugle and McDougall, and she did compare me to something unflattering. Pretty sure about that.

**Jupiter Grant

Jupiter Grant may not have waded into all this mess with a limerick, but she is a poet, amongst other things, and I like her work so I included her in the good-natured ribbing above.

***Will Hull

Arch nemesis.

****Skye Mo’ipulelehua Kahoali’i

*****Adelia Ritchie

Previous record holder of world’s longest limerick. Stop her before she pens an octuplet and tops my septuplet. She’s having WAAAY to much fun with this.

******Terry Trueman

Aside from his snide editor’s remark to me, the one that kicked off this whole cluster fuck, Terry has not written anything further on this touchy subject. However, he’s such a good guy that I’m including a shout out to one of his fine stories.

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You’ve been tagged because it’d be fun if you plunged into this epic battle, in whatever form you choose to do so. If you’ve not been tagged, plunge in anyway. Ann Marie Steele, Nita Jain, Samantha Drobac, Christopher Robin, Zachary Burg, Melanie J., Upasana Sharma, Lucy Dan 蛋小姐 (she/her/她), Cd Ross, Roz Warren, Gillian Annie, Amanda Walker, Vilma Reynoso, Kyomi O'Connor, Rick Post, Christine Stevens, Suzanne V. Tanner, Toya Qualls-Barnette, Jayrow, Kim Zuch, Carlos Garbiras, Elise Paxson ☕️, ScienceDuuude, Lee Ameka, Felicia Scarangello, Mary DeVries