The Joys Of A Missed Opportunity
What if we spent less time regretting, and rather enjoying a missed opportunity?
Sometimes, information has a wondrous way of coming through to you, even if perhaps you weren’t even supposed to know.
Chatting to a friend of mine on a totally unrelated subject, I learned through the grapevine that I had been considered for an opportunity I had long dreamed of. I was stunned. After years of experimenting, doubting and asking left-field questions, suddenly the proverbial silver tablet arrived.
And I would have to decline.
Because, being away on maternity leave I wouldn’t be able to take this opportunity. I felt so bummed! Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t want to trade my baby for anything in the world, but, WTF — why now, anyone?
I went through the classic change curve — I was in denial, then I felt angry, then sorry for myself.
And then somewhere along the line I smiled. After all, there WAS an opportunity. And I about to start a family. Everything felt right with the world. So what gave?
It’s easy if you know your priorities
For some people, their job is their world. For a long time, I was part of that group, and it was great. But now, my priorities are shifting towards family and creativity, which matter more to me. A true “aha-moment”.
Often, we choose our priorities trying to live up to others expectations, in order to “fit in”, be more likeable, or simply be seen as doing the right thing. As it turns out, one thing many of us regret at the end of our lives.
So, how clear are you on your priorities? What is it that you really, REALLY want?
And once you are clear on your priorities, ask yourself, is this missed opportunity really a bummer, or simply a reminder of what your priorities are today?
A lot of our unhappiness seems to stem from wanting things that are always just that little bit out of reach. Yet being clear on what matters most to you might limit the regret that comes from an overload of choices.
What if it was simpler than that?
Perhaps this opportunity wasn’t meant for you
Elizabeth Gilbert describes an episode in her book, Big Magic, where she had an idea for a story, worked on it for months, but not quite being as committed as she wanted to. Eventually she let it go. A few months later she connected with another writer, who excitedly told her about a story she was working on — and lo and behold it turned out to be almost the same story Elizabeth Gilbert had had in mind.
Thinking plagiarism? Accident?
This might be a sign of our own narrow-mindedness. A desire to protect our own little turf, if you want. But at the same time it means that you believe in the limited availability of opportunities.
Elizabeth Gilbert rather believes that the idea was not meant for her, and perhaps herein lies our mental challenge — ideas and innovation need to be protected, sure. But they really only thrive if we allow them to roam freely and connect with others.
Because, could it be that ideas are available in abundance?
Believe in abundance — You always only have a part of the picture
We tend to think of ourselves as rational beings who make decisions based on verifiable data. Right?
But how much time do you spent on emotions of would-have-beens, could-have-beens and should-have-beens? How often has your mind filled in the data gaps with assumptions?
And how come that most of those assumptions — be it about our own ability, or about others’ intentions — tend to be negative?
How often have you considered that you may only be seeing a fraction of the whole picture?
What if you stopped second-guessing others intentions, and really believed that it was as simple as a missed opportunity, and believed that there will be another one?
Trust your abilities. Sometimes it is not what you do, but where you do it. Do you belong?
Be different. Trust your abilities and find some joy. Ask more questions. Opportunities may not always be instantly visible. You may have to pivot, or learn something new. But whatever you do, keep going, so that the next opportunity may find you.