The Inner Wiring of a Long-Lasting & Herculean Family, Part 1.2
Navigating really dumb things I heard about marriage and dating
We’ve all heard the gurus use the words “all”, “always”, “never”, etc. Words that are black and white.
Example: “Men who this 1 thing will always be single” — like there’s only one thing (*insert vomit). Like killing their girlfriends? That would make them always single.
We have two dilemmas:
- The “guru” actually believes their own BS
- The title is clickbait — meaning, you actually click on it, versus clicking on non-clickbait like you should be doing
The only way that a blanket term is accurate is if we use everyone in a sample study that had the same statistic results. I mean same statistics, not more than 2% off.
Not long ago I watched a video about an animal rescue rescuing a puppy. There was writing on the video, reading, “love doesn’t cost money”. And a lot of the comments wrote “Yes! Love doesn’t cost anything.” For a second there I lost all hope for humanity. The reason that puppy lived was because an organization paid for it. It might not have cost any money to watch the video, sure, but thousands of dollars went in to saving the puppy, including the home that took him in. Loving a dog = at the very least, paying for vet bills, food, bedding, toys, training, and quality play time and proper space for the dog they have.
The person who shared that video and did the stupid catchphrase is a known “guru” for something — I never promote people I don’t want my readers knowing about. That is a combat principle and that is for another story.
Let’s talk about weird relationship advice. This story comes from someone who:
- Has been in about 6 other countries, most time in any 1 country was 2 years in length
- Understands combat deployment and how it impacts families
- Understands the psychological makeup differences of lazy men versus warriors
- Has not made any relationship regrets in the last 8.5 years
- Does not create “rules” after I screwed up, teach them, and act as though I’m not doing what therapists call “avoidance”. I have scars, not wounds
- Has a psychology degree
- Has worked in mental health
- Has worked with teens in mental health
- Has worked in law enforcement
- Has seen dead babies in-person
- Is not motivated by money, but science
- Has seen a massive casualty-inflicted city after an earthquake with 95% family displacement and thousands dead in one day
- Has seen “impossible” things happen
- Has worked with people in the LGBT community — by their request, coming to me. And them knowing I’m Christian, but still building rapport and helping them like no one did in the past. One said to me, “you are the only one that has ever helped.” How sad, that I had to come in and make things happen
- Been in a bad relationship, but got out quick; now I’m in a dream marriage where both parties share much family science and relationship knowledge — known as a mishap-preventative marriage and the only good one that functions
- Has studied statistics
- Been trained in military leadership and biological warfare
- Has studied criminal psychology
- Worked in business
- And more…
And let me say that if a man lines up with what I learned in criminal psychology, he is not relationship material. Ever. No matter what a woman thinks. What “specialist” knew that without guessing? I would believe none of them. And don’t confuse a good-enough-man for a victorious man (humble, but identity is clear as could be and will not be moved).
Never say Never
In my experience, those who say “all”, “always”, “never”, etc. really have no idea. No Ph.D. researcher would ever say those words in their studies. I’d like to read about the doctor who did and see what I can dig up about them — i.e. their accreditation.
- Guru: “Never date a man if he can’t cook”. Me: What if his ex-wife of 10 years loved to cook and he never had the chance to learn, because before that he grew up in foster care then went into the military? What if the woman who takes that dumb advice, has common sense problems and leaves a man because he couldn’t make a whole meatloaf 4-course meal from scratch — and she’s the daughter of the Pioneer Woman? What if the man has only one arm and has been in full-time physical therapy for the last year? Learn about who you are talking with before judging. This “rule” is really really stupid.
I’ve never read a good article that started off like that. If I made those kind of titles in my criminal psychology program I’d have to redo it.
Point is, I have never not been able to tear apart any story where a writer used those words. They only write from a tunnel-vision view. They don’t take into consideration paraplegia, Autism, men of foreign culture, cognitive functioning, and other outliers; together, probably making up not an outlier statistic when in the same dating pool. But, probably take up 15–20% now.
But, these writers will use “all”? That’s why women have to ask where all the good men are. I was single for over 5 years, just waiting to find someone who was not philosophically weird. 90% of woman with this, is a ticking timebomb. Gamble wisely and lucky.
At some point, I’d like to go through each dumb statement I’ve ever read and correct it. I might need some writers to collaborate on that, for time’s sake.
Do this!
Other “tips” and “rules” I’ve read stated “couples who do this together, stay together”. Wonder if the writer thought about military deployments.
Take showers, for example. How many showers do we take together before it’s official, she will love me forever, no matter what I do? And she will always be who I desire? So, no military deployments until we have had 73 showers? And what about if we work on opposite shifts at work?
What about, like me — I don’t like showers together for personal preference? Is a replacement activity, such as skiing? What if I only have one arm?
So, the writer meant to say, “Those who enjoy showers together and have the ability to shower together, it is highly recommended to do so, thus saith the Lord.”
The Takeaway
Women, do not follow popular advice that is not true. For example: Your truth. You have no truth, I have no truth. Truth is, what is. Your truth could be coming from a trauma-infested bias. So could mine. That is why I size my words up to amazing researchers:
- Louann Brizendine, MD (studied at Harvard Medical School & Yale University School of Medicine)
- Dr. Nicola Gates, Neuropsychologist (who I’ve talked to personally).
- Dr. Christina Mancini, sex crime textbook author (who I’ve talked to personally)
- Dr. Jordan Peterson
- FBI and CDC statistics
- Leonard Sax, M.D., PhD
- Curt Thompson, MD
- And a dozen more scholarly and peer-reviewed M.D.’s and Ph.D.’s I’ve learn from over the years. I’ve studied a lot when I was a member of the American Psychological Association and the Christian Association for Psychological Studies! Every waking moment for 2 years, before. Always research someone’s ethical background and accreditation. Do they have a habit of bias? Do they have a habit of clickbait? Is their accreditation questionable? Are they peer-reviews and scholarly (you don’t count as a peer, sorry)?
Next Article in this Series:
Next article will be fun!
It’s women versus men, with quotes from these great Medium writers who have given me permission! I might be adding a few more writers to this list.
Thanks for reading!! Thanks for the claps (especially the 50 claps)!
