The Good News and The Bad News About COVID-19

A bit of humor letting us laugh in the face of adversity.

I have to say that when this pandemic hit, I got pretty anxious pretty fast. But then again, there are few things that are negative that fail to make my anxiety spike. And this time it was with good reason.

When I first got sick, I went into denial for almost a week. Even when I got out of the hospital, discharged not because I was healthy but because they needed the bed for someone far sicker than I was, I failed to give the virus it’s proper due.

By the next day, however, things started to get real. It was a week of fear and misery, alone with only a stuffed rabbit for company. The next week was a bit better and as I wasn’t getting worse, the fear largely left, except at night.

It wasn’t until that week had completely passed that I was able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. When you are sick for over three weeks, one of them wondering if you’ll make it in light of all the deaths including three people you knew, it can seem like you’ll never get better.

Not to jinx anything, but aside from the lingering exhaustion, mind fog and a few headaches, I am largely recovered. I think when something smacks us down and we are able to get back up again, our tendency is to thumb our noses at the adversity and laugh right in its face.

To that end, I have put together a list of humorous Good News/Bad News items (well, at least I found them amusing though admittedly right now I laugh maniacally at just about anything that doesn’t involve slapping babies or kicking puppies). Take that COVID-19! In your face!

The Good News and The Bad News About the Coronavirus

1. The good news is that those with cold symptoms just want to stay home in bed away from everyone else. The bad news is that those who think they have the coronavirus decide to go gambling in Reno, enjoy the California beaches, take public transit just to get out and shop every open business they can find.
2. The good news is it’s a Leap Year so there was an extra day in February. The bad news is that March was 600 days long and there’s no telling how long April, May or June may be.
3. The good news is that you found a store that had 25 bottles of soap and 12 bottles of hand sanitizer and you bought all of them. The bad news is that in order to not get the virus you need other people to wash and sanitize their hands as well.
4. The good news is you get to spend quality time 24/7 with your spouse and kids. The bad news is that it’s not just the toilet paper shelves that are bare, the liquor store shelves are also.
5. The good news is there is special COVID-19 fashion apparel for us to wear. The bad news is it’s our pajamas.
6. The good news is that they’re still delivering the paper to your door. The bad news is that yesterday you ran out of toilet paper and Times are really rough.
7. The good news is you found your old Scrabble game and have something else to do. The bad news is your only opponent is your cat who just keeps playing the word meow.
8. The good news is that people aren’t just staring at their electronic screens anymore. The bad news is that this is because they’ve realized that the best way to interact with others in a meaningful way is face to face.
9. The good news is that most people are finally staying home. The bad news is that all the Johavah’s Witnesses know this and they aren’t.
10. The good news is despite having to cancel your vacation you’ve been told by friends that with a little creativity you can create a virtual vacation. The bad news is that the only way you can think of to do this is to view far off scenery on your computer through a simulated airplane window in the form of a detached toilet seat while holding a pina colada air freshener.
11. The good news is that CDC and the WHO are disseminating updates about the virus and prevention methods. The bad news is that no one has managed to tell all those paranoid people living off the grid what’s going on yet.
12. The good news is you’ve discovered a great meditation online to help you cope with the quarantine. The bad news is it only helps you get through an hour and ten minutes before you run to the store for a bag of Doritos and some Ho-Hos.

Give Me The Bad News First

And now for a few bonus items. . .

1. The bad news is licking your fingers to open the plastic produce bags at the grocery store is likely to start a riot. The good news is with there will be no threat of physical violence only name calling from a distance of 20 feet from behind masks.
2. The bad news is that nothing you write seems to attract the big audience you were hoping for. The good news is nowadays no one aspires to have a story go viral.
3. The bad news is that couples who usually only see each other after the work day is over are stuck quarantined together 24/7. The good news is their adherence to the stay at home order is likely to keep them from getting the virus — though they just might die from something else instead.
4. The bad news is that you work at a bank and are on duty when a group of masked people come in. The good news is they don’t have the virus, they’re just robbing the place.

In an effort to keep the laughs coming, I challenge you to come up with as many Covid-19 Good New, Bad News, or Bad News, Good News items as you can. Give it a shot. We all have humor somewhere within us.

Natale C. Frank has a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and enjoys writing articles on how to cope with difficult life circumstances. She is an editor for The Partnered Pen & One Table, One World and is Editor in Chief for Promposity & Mental Gecko, both of which she created. She is also the Managing Editor for Novellas and Serials at LVP Publications. Her collection of poetry, Disguised I Breathe, In Love I Hold, can be found here on Amazon.

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