The Five Japanese Phrases That Facilitate Mansplaining Forever

Your Japanese girlfriend might be following this rule.

Merriam-Webster added ‘mansplaining’ in March 2018—slightly after we witnessed the #MeToo movement in the late 2010s.

Here in Japan, however, the word hasn’t become standard because almost no one regards it’s problematic when a man explains to a woman because women need explaining, according to Japanese men. So it happens everywhere, every day.

The term mansplaining is not my favorite as it lacks gender-neutrality. But unfortunately, since men seem to do this, I guess it isn’t pointlessly gendered. And this is not an individual man's problem. This is entrenched in the wrinkles of Japanese society.

In this article, I’d like to cover why Japanese men can use condescending language without thinking twice.

The Background of Japanese Men’s Arrogance

The other day, I asked my Twitter friends, “how do you handle mansplaining?” in Japanese. Except for only a few likes, no one in over 2k followers replied to this tweet. Yes, it’s nearly taboo to say men’s talk is boring or pointless, let alone condescending, in this country.

The current Kishida cabinet has only three women out of 20. This 15% is—as you suspect—the lowest among G7 nations and even lower than the worldwide average of 21.9%. Furthermore, female managers are only 8.9% in the Japanese corporate world as of 2021, against the government’s target of 30%.

In addition to these preferable environments for men, even women try to be loved by using some conversational tricks.

How Japanese Women Praise Men

The following five Japanese words are often called homekotobano-sashisuseso (the acronym for complimenting words.)

It’s basically gender-free and known as a classic conversational technique, but typically, women are encouraged to use these expressions to make them relatable, affable, and attractive.

• Sa: Sasuga (You’re the best. / Incredible.)
• Shi: Shiranakatta (I didn’t know that.)
• Su: Sugoi! (Awesome! / Amazing!)
• Se: Sensu-ii (You have good taste.)
• So: Sounanda! (Is that so? / I hear you.)

I wish this sashisuseso was outdated today. But when I Googled, so many articles and social media posts appeared with recent dates against my hope.

The article I referred to also explained words women shouldn’t use, such as: That’s nothing, that’s different, it’s boring, whatever, and don’t be ridiculous.

According to Japanese Men

It makes one wonder if men realize that these statements are stock replies. Less than meaningless, the generic responses are decided before they’ve even heard the comment.

Still, generally speaking, Japanese men tend to appreciate these phrases because this affirmation makes them feel valued, respected, and influential toward women in front of them.

What annoys me is when Japanese men say “women just want to be heard and they don’t need a solution,” with or without awareness of their conceit. The reason they should stop mansplaining is not because women don’t think logically. We do think smart. Mansplaining is just useless and a waste of time for all.

If men respect women’s opinions to seek an answer, that’s a healthy discussion. And I always want a solution even when I’m grouchy like a kid.

The Takeaway

Luckily, now I’m married to a man who enjoys my disobedience. However, I have to confess that I’ve also used these tricks a lot, especially at parties with ex-colleagues, because it was almost my job to nod to managers’ condescending language back in those days.

However, when it comes to the dating world, these tricks are neither helpful nor respectful to sustaining conversations. They obviously make women sound empty and don’t help couples know each other, although some men might feel like a TED speaker with a kind audience.

It is unignorable that women still feel the pressure to be amenable and good listeners. So if you’re seeing a Japanese girlfriend, I recommend breaking the spell and enjoying the heartfelt conversation. She’ll be moved and say, “you’re the best!” hopefully, from the bottom of her heart.

If you enjoyed this article, discover other works of the author at Japonica.

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