The Conversation Surrounding Females Running Without Worry Should be an All Play
We need to have this conversation today more than ever.
It takes a lot to get me pissed off, but the other day I got pretty mad. This happened because I noticed a social media post about Sarah Everard’s death and men’s responsibility in this discussion.
What pissed me off were the number of posts by men in this thread that said idiotic things like “run with a gun” or “take a self-defense course.” My all-time you ought to be punched in the face favorite, “well, men get attacked too.”
About a year ago, I wrote about my aha moment, that point in time when I woke up as a male runner to what my female runner friends go through way too often when they’re out for a run. “Running Fearlessly” was a story of the night I realized that I had freedom running that my friends didn’t have as much. Life has not been the same ever since.
Yet, it’s one thing to get pissed off. Change happens when we think deeply. This allows us to develop solutions that all running communities can use. Rather than just answering “buy a gun” or “take self-defense courses,” real change begins.
There is a bill that has passed the U.S. House of Representatives that is an excellent political foundation. “H.R.1585 — Violence Against Women Reauthorization Act of 2019” should get signed into law, but it’s not the end-game.
As one who doesn’t have a lot of faith in a political solution, though, I believe we need to get down to brass tacks and what we can do as humans with heart in our own communities.
Recognize That Weaponizing More of Society Isn’t the Answer
With what happened in Boulder, CO, on March 22, it shouldn’t be a giant leap to admit that weaponizing more of society is a lame answer to a problem that needs to be addressed.
On Full Frontal with Samantha Bee, it was said, “Instead of telling women to carry mace, travel in numbers, and avoid night, maybe we should work on getting men to stop attacking them.” It seems to me we can take that thought a little bit further.
It should not be up to women to feel the need to carry protective devices and think of more brilliant ways to defend themselves from a man’s attack. This should be up to every man and especially every male runner out there.
As a male runner, it truly is my responsibility to ensure my female runner friends can run without worry, just like I do. I don’t stress out when I can’t sleep in the middle of the night, and I throw on running clothes and head out on the streets of my city that never sleeps for a run. Why should my female friends feel as if they either can’t run or need to carry a gun or protective device if they can’t sleep?
When we finally recognize that carrying weapons isn’t the answer, then the conversation shifts to one deeper than what we, as males, may not be comfortable having. As males, we do bear the responsibility for why our female friends do not feel safe when they are running.
A 2017 Runners World article, “Running While Female,” outlined many of these challenges and is a fantastic place for a starting point. Statistics in this article should wake us up that something beyond “carry protection” needs to be done. “Indeed, 43 percent of women at least sometimes experience harassment on the run, according to a recent RW survey, compared with just 4 percent of men. In the vast majority of cases, it’s not life-threatening. But it is pervasive, and it’s upsetting, and it’s most likely happening to you or someone you know.”
Think about that number for a minute. Here’s what it means. Let’s say you run once per week with a run club or group of runners. 50% of you are male, and 50% of you are female, and there are ten total runners. Out of the five total female runners, at least two of them have experienced harassment from men while running.
Is this problem starting to wake you up? Do you realize this is not an issue that can be dealt with by “protecting yourself”?
Let’s Begin by Having the Uncomfortable Conversation
The Runners World article cited above begins this conversation with a quote from Michael Kimmel, Ph.D. professor of sociology and gender studies at Stony Brook University in New York.
“The public sphere is [still] a male space,” says Michael Kimmel, Ph.D., distinguished sociology and gender studies professor at Stony Brook University in Stony Brook, New York. That’s why any woman who leaves her home for any reason — to run, work, get the mail — could potentially be harassed, and why this is not just a running issue but a societal one. Honks, innuendos, and so on are a man’s way of saying, “You are present in my space, and I’m going to let you know it’s my space.”
I haven’t been in the dating scene for over thirty years, but I daresay that whistling or catcalling a woman isn’t a successful way to score a date. EVER! However, there are way too many men that believe their swagger is what scores a date with a woman. I’m not a female, but I will go out on a limb and say you make yourself look more like a buffoon the more you puff your chest up and try to look powerful to gain the attention of a female.
Let’s start the conversation with our definition of masculinity and understand that the traditional definition of masculinity may very well be toxic.
I’m going to risk being kicked out of the Macho Men’s Club here by suggesting that the place to begin is right between our own ears. The space between our ears and the beliefs we have as men about our masculinity and how to show it properly starts this uncomfortable conversation.
Until we are willing to take a deep, hard look at ourselves, the whole conversation about females being able to run safely is a moot point.
Ways Males Can Help Shape a Safe Running Environment for All
Let’s just be blunt and shape the conversation like this. If you would hesitate to say something to your mom or sister, maybe you should just shut your mouth. If an action you’re even thinking about strikes you as something you wouldn’t do to your mom or sister, then you need to get counseling because it’s not okay.
RUNGRL has an excellent article, “How Male Allies Can Help Women Runners Stay Safe,” written by Na’Tasha Jones and Ashlee Green, Co-founders, that is very enlightening simply because they got several male running friends to open up about this somewhat touchy subject.
The tips the men get into at the end of the article are fantastic. I really like how the authors of the article forced the guys to think more profoundly about the subject than the lame old “don’t run by yourself in the dark” or “arm yourself” answers.
This the type of conversation men should be having right now and all over. This needs to be a subject every run club should have at some point. Still, most of all, you can boil this conversation and beginning jump-off point to help females feel safer while running with three simple tips.
- The Department of Homeland Security started a program years back that we should adapt to this situation. “See Something, Say Something.” No, it isn’t the responsibility of the government, women’s organizations, or somebody else. It is your responsibility to recognize when your buddy says something inappropriate to smack that dude upside the head and tell him to shut the hell up. When you don’t do this, you become part of the problem. Confrontation and not allowing other guys to get away with crass behavior is a great place to start.
- Part of what can help females feel safer running is male awareness that there is a whole different world. Males need to wake up and then be willing to personally change. When we all begin to act different, that is what starts a movement and makes change happen. Don’t wait for somebody else to start. You start.
- Go for a run at night or through sketchy neighborhoods with some of your female friends. Keep your eyes open, run at their pace, and be aware. See and hear what they are hearing and then talk about it for real. Get off your macho trip, stop flexing your muscles and be a normal person who can listen. This is one of those situations where it’s okay to not talk. Once you’ve realized what’s going on, be the responsible dude and make sure you’re finding ways for your female runner friends to enjoy running as much as you.
I am by no means an expert. I just know that I love running, and I want everybody around me to be able to love running as much as I do. That’s why I believe now is the time for men to step up and start taking responsibility to change the problem.