Longterm Singleness Isn’t Something to Mourn Over

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— deep friendship</li><li>Ludus — playful love</li><li>Agape — love for everyone</li><li>Pragma — longstanding love</li><li>Philautia — self-love</li><li>Storge — parental love</li></ul><p id="95e8">In English, we have one. As a language, it is limiting in that sense. I believe if we used all seven, people would realise that I am not missing out by owning pragma is one I am unlikely to find.</p><p id="0ede">We all know that not everyone finds a longterm partnership, but we hate to admit it. It is automatically seen as a bad thing; however, I don’t feel as if I am lacking. My life feels full. My mental health is fleeting, and I know dating is a trigger. The reality is, I am happier when I am single. And I am tired of injuring myself for the appeasement of onlookers.</p><p id="8502">I don’t want anyone but I also doubt I’ll be able to find someone who gets me, and that is ok. I will probably date as and when I see fit; however, there is no expectation for longevity. It is my belief if we stopped treating pragma as a guarantee, we would solve a lot of problems. Perhaps we would treasure our partners more? Not take them for granted or abuse them? Treat them as treasure instead of seeing them being dispensable.</p><p id="6aa3"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chidera_Eggerue">The Slumflower</a> is a writer known for her book, <i>What a Time to Be Alone</i>. I haven’t read the book yet, but I love the title. She is right, this is a great time to be alone. Sex is no longer seen as something only attainable through marriage — we also have loads of apps to choose from. Sex toys seem to be getting better and better. Plus with technology, you can keep contact with those who are far from you. You also don’t need a partner to have children.</p><p id="e4e3">We often talk about how there is power in being single, yet when someone chooses it, they are met with pity. It is inconceivable that someone could be happy when not in a partnership. But for me, the concept of singleness isn’t something to mourn over. The only time that I start feeling sad about being single is when I succumb to the projections of everybody else. But I’m tired of being ruled by other people’s expectations. I th

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ink my shift into this new chapter of my life should be a celebration.</p><p id="48fb">Using the Ancient Greek’s definition of love, having 6/7 means I am far from lacking. I am privileged to live in a time (and location) that allows me to explore singledom to the highest degree. And as much as people like to project, I don’t feel I am missing anything.</p><p id="41dd">What a time to be alone for sure.</p><div id="d355" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/cannabis-is-an-aphrodisiac-d6ac9965a17f"> <div> <div> <h2>Cannabis Is an Aphrodisiac</h2> <div><h3>Researchers have even theorised about using it as treatment for sexual dysfunction</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*Obc6Mv1kDPXTQOzfeLlntA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="b08b" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-top-7-non-sexual-turn-ons-5afd911bd047"> <div> <div> <h2>My Top 7 Non-Sexual Turn Ons</h2> <div><h3>It is possible to ooze sex appeal even while keeping it PG</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*lXsLJdNjQVhLKEMtGMtNQA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="d7f8" class="link-block"> <a href="https://medium.com/an-injustice"> <div> <div> <h2>An Injustice!</h2> <div><h3>A new intersectional publication. Geared towards voices, values, and identities.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*dvs4qJgQaFLgqlGOuphNbA.png)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

What a time to be alone! Not everyone finds longstanding love and that’s ok

I’ve always wanted to write a piece on my singleness, but whenever I have tried to broach the topic in person, it has never worked out. Any comments I share are met with sympathy.

I want to write about how I will very likely be alone without being met with the shoulder pats and reassuring yet pitiful looks they give before saying, “At your age? You will find someone don’t worry.” But that’s the thing, I won’t. And that’s not a bad thing. I am also not worried. Acceptance has actually been very calming and life-affirming.

A secret that many don’t want to accept is that some people do, in fact, end up “alone.” I have put the word in inverted commas because for some of us, we have every relationship except a partner.

When I say I will be alone, I don’t mean I’m going to live in a residential house way out in the country, where my only companion is the postman and a nurse that visits me daily. What I mean is that the likelihood of me finding a romantic partner is infinitesimal. This used to make me sad but not anymore.

I am surrounded by family (sometimes to my annoyance), I have a fantastic group of friends. If I want sex, I can get it. I am supported and surrounded by people. However, the only thing I don’t see myself finding are longterm partners.

The Ancient Greeks had seven words for love:

Eros — sexual passion

Philia — deep friendship

Ludus — playful love

Agape — love for everyone

Pragma — longstanding love

Philautia — self-love

Storge — parental love

In English, we have one. As a language, it is limiting in that sense. I believe if we used all seven, people would realise that I am not missing out by owning pragma is one I am unlikely to find.

We all know that not everyone finds a longterm partnership, but we hate to admit it. It is automatically seen as a bad thing; however, I don’t feel as if I am lacking. My life feels full. My mental health is fleeting, and I know dating is a trigger. The reality is, I am happier when I am single. And I am tired of injuring myself for the appeasement of onlookers.

I don’t want anyone but I also doubt I’ll be able to find someone who gets me, and that is ok. I will probably date as and when I see fit; however, there is no expectation for longevity. It is my belief if we stopped treating pragma as a guarantee, we would solve a lot of problems. Perhaps we would treasure our partners more? Not take them for granted or abuse them? Treat them as treasure instead of seeing them being dispensable.

The Slumflower is a writer known for her book, What a Time to Be Alone. I haven’t read the book yet, but I love the title. She is right, this is a great time to be alone. Sex is no longer seen as something only attainable through marriage — we also have loads of apps to choose from. Sex toys seem to be getting better and better. Plus with technology, you can keep contact with those who are far from you. You also don’t need a partner to have children.

We often talk about how there is power in being single, yet when someone chooses it, they are met with pity. It is inconceivable that someone could be happy when not in a partnership. But for me, the concept of singleness isn’t something to mourn over. The only time that I start feeling sad about being single is when I succumb to the projections of everybody else. But I’m tired of being ruled by other people’s expectations. I think my shift into this new chapter of my life should be a celebration.

Using the Ancient Greek’s definition of love, having 6/7 means I am far from lacking. I am privileged to live in a time (and location) that allows me to explore singledom to the highest degree. And as much as people like to project, I don’t feel I am missing anything.

What a time to be alone for sure.