Adventures in sanity
The Complete Guide to Mediocrity
How I became Mr. Average

When I was young, the word mediocre never touched me. I didn’t even know what it meant. Nothing is ordinary when you’re young. Everything is amazing. A train, a tractor, the sky, the clouds, even a seagull stealing your chips from your plate. Everything is amazing. Nothing is mediocre.
So when did mediocrity start for me?
School?
Probably.
I remember doing my GCSEs, exams British kids do at 16 in order to see if they are ‘clever’ enough to do A-levels. Which in turn decides whether they go to university or not.
We had to take nine subjects, and were graded accordingly from A to F (F being a fail). I scored grades between C and D, and remember my father saying to me that my results were “mediocre.”
After GCSEs, I sat A-levels, and not surprisingly came out with mediocre results: two Ds and a C. Not good enough to study the subject of my choice at university, which was Geology.
I’d always been fascinated by rocks, mountains, and caves. I only had to chip away at a rock on a cliff or on a hillside in order to peer into the past. A fossil or a crystal entombed in the stone. I felt like I could become a geologist version of Indiana Jones, swash-buckling my way around the world discovering rare treasures.
Why not? I always wanted to travel and explore the world, and this seemed like the perfect vocation for me. Instead, I studied Biology, and ended up working for Zeneca Agrochemicals as a research scientist.
I never really got into it to be honest, and after a year I left the job and went on to become an English language teacher. I got to travel, and live and work abroad, but I was hardly Indiana Jones, and so it seemed I’d settled for mediocrity once again.
Since then, admittedly, I’ve done a lot of things, and had a lot of adventures. But deep down inside resides that feeling of mediocrity. Whatever I do, I’m just not good enough, because there’s always someone better. Some smart ass who does everything better than me. Glides through life as though they were born perfect.
MR and MRS PERFECT
Maybe I lack confidence, so it’s normal to feel someone is better than you. And it never helps when you’ve been through an educational system where all that matters is a score at the end of the year. Like a football match or a race.
Then there are parents. My father once bought me a Commodore 64, and after getting bored with the games, I took it apart to see how it worked. Of course, I couldn’t get it back together, but it still worked, even though half the panels on the back were missing.
My father went ballistic. He even picked the machine up and smashed it down on the table, and went on and on about how I don’t respect anything. I pointed out that I was interested in how it worked, as I liked electronics. But he wasn’t interested in my excuses, and told me it was the last thing he ever bought me.
The computer didn’t work after that, so I saved up to buy a new one out of my own money, and then took that apart. I couldn’t help it, I was a kid, I was intrigued, I loved electronics as well as rocks, and if I’d had my time again, and hadn’t become a geologist, I might have become an electrician.
Who knows?
True, I might have stayed and lived in my home town as a jobbing sparky. Lived a mediocre life like every one else. I guess I’ll never know. And perhaps mediocrity is inevitable in whatever we do. Maybe even Kings and Queens feel the same way. A bit mediocre.
Of course, I’ll never find out. Even if I had all the ambition in the world, I’ll never be a King.
Ambition!
There’s that word.
Ambition!
Perhaps I lack ambition. Perhaps, this is what separates me out from Mr. & Mrs. Perfect. Paul Perfect has ambition, and so even if he fails, he comes back for more, time and time again. If I fail, I’ve failed — because I’m mediocre.
I’m 50 next year, so perhaps this is all a BIG midlife crisis. A time to look back at your life and realize everything you’ve done was WRONG and there’s nothing you can do about it. You fucked up, admit it!
But hopefully it passes, and you realize that everything you did was actually RIGHT, and maybe you aren’t such a jerk after all.
I’ve never been a perfectionist, or a high-flyer or a smart ass, or a genius. So why pretend to be one? And maybe being Mr. Average, Mr. Middling, Mr. Mediocre is actually OK. Embrace mediocrity, embrace the real me!
Thanks for reading. For more mediocrity.






