The Carousel Upstairs
How I released the revolving rumination in my mind.
Recently, I wrote about travel in a chapter of my memoir. Collecting my luggage after a trip reminded me of an old journal analogy about repetitive thoughts.
Years ago, I learned that a person has around 60,000 thoughts daily. (One scientific study demonstrated a number closer to 10% of that — reference thought worms in Sleep Trek. The Restless Frontier of Insomnia. Shockingly, those thoughts are up to 95% repetitive.
An overthinker by design and disposition, I began to visualize a conveyor belt with all these jumbled brain baubles bouncing down the line. Realizing the cyclical nature of the monkey mind, I reshaped the linear belt to an airport baggage carousel. This metaphor evolved over the years along with growing insight and practical application.
Imagine thoughts are like luggage and the baggage carousel is like your mind.
The luggage has landed.
After a long flight, the pilot taxis up to the gate. Fellow passengers jockey for position like the start of the Kentucky Derby. Back on terra firma, the weary throng disperses. The lead stallion canters toward the intended destination. The meandering herd funnels down to baggage claim on autopilot, thoughts drifting toward home.
A brief moment of elation at spying three circling bags quickly evaporates. The alpha male horse realizes the unclaimed luggage belonged to a previous flight — perhaps wayward thoughts that the owners chose to abandon.
I shuffle closer and squint at the LCD display, awaiting the flight number to confirm the captain’s mumbled announcement. Recognition of fellow passengers provides reassurance I’m in the right place.
A blaring horn and flashing red light signal the next race. The conveyor belt groans to life before luggage assaults it at an uneven pace. A few children scramble up to the shiny ride, secretly wishing to climb aboard.
As my mind accelerates, what new idea drops into my head like that first suitcase? What trigger signals the ‘ghost in the machine’ to upload more baggage?
Hardside, soft side, over taped monstrosities. Grey and black suitcases embark on their first cycle of dull mental maneuvers. A yellow bag vies for eyes — perhaps a positive, random thought to pierce the chromatic monotony. Is that Louis Vuitton luggage from the Contemplation Collection?
My mind reverts to pre-trip preparation. I brighten my grey suitcase with colored tape for rapid recognition. Fluorescent streaks fail to disguise the negative content within.
At check-in, I must decide whether my innermost secrets are secure in an aluminum encasement. Would I risk exposure from a random TSA inspection? Perhaps I should cradle these confidential thoughts in a Boba wrap or gingerly transport the delicate cogitations inside a valise.
Upstairs Unrest
Returning to the belt, the volume of luggage balloons in proportion to my never-ending life story. Decades-old grievances and wounds — real and perceived — trail behind me. Will I require an airport luggage cart just to leave the terminal?
Relieving my hands and shoulders from carry-on burdens, my ego (false self) wades toward the drifting sea of cargo. Like the thoughts in my mind, the overlapping conveyor slats are linked together in an endless cycle.
Ego assures me that mental machinations are as tangible as forged steel containers. “That one’s mine,” Ego says. I jockey for position to synchronize the approaching target. After a deadlift maneuver, I fumble for the name tag.
Spirit (higher self) chides the internal critic. “That thought doesn’t belong to you!” My true self gestures towards the golf clubs or portmanteau full of fun, peace, and positive affirmations. But the name tag screams “EGO” in heavy black marker. Ego hoists it over the side of the carousel, ignoring the fading rebuke.
Thoughts from others wrapped in guilt were slipped inside unnoticed.
Repetitive mind viruses tip this suitcase of sadness over the 50-pound limit. As the burdens grow, can I redistribute the weight on my shoulders? Knapsack, backpack, rucksack, haversack?
Carousel of Concerns
The shapes and colors of the spinner luggage blur to resemble the undulating horses on a carnival carousel. Loud Wurlitzer music and faint whiffs of cotton candy only intensify the nausea and vertigo.
My mind catastrophizes toward worst-case eventualities. Reaching a frantic zenith, one excruciating thought wedges in my brain like an odd-sized package damming up the cargo.
Who will sort out these bags? Who owns them? Who will help us unpack these stories, process the thoughts and emotions, and grant permission to release these nebulous notions?
As if my mental merry-go-round is insufficient, Ego shifts focus to other passengers. Anticipating their impending reunification, I attempt to match each person with their baggage and burdens.
The sports guy swaggers forward to pluck his duffel bag of random thoughts, only to be tossed in a corner and forgotten at home.
Who is that life-weary 70-something woman with multiple hard-sided suitcases? Are they enshrining her victimhood, shielding her from further pain, or deflecting any kindness from penetrating the layers of faded scar tissue?
Lastly, the purple-haired college student with matching luggage returns from her semester abroad full of exciting memories and experiences.
Cognitive Reappraisal
How do I tame this silent spin of thoughts in my head?
Logically, I know they do not exist outside of my awareness; they don’t appear anywhere else in the world.
Many years ago, I became acquainted with Byron Katie and The Work. The Work involves a practice of self-inquiry on our mental framework (thoughts and emotions).
The process invites a participant to ask a series of four questions about a negative thought or behavior as a means of uncovering hidden beliefs. A turnaround statement provides an opportunity to reset one’s thinking.
Slowly ask yourself the following questions with a thought like, “I’m not good enough.”
- Is it true?
- Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
- How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
- Who would you be without that thought?
The turnaround invites you to explore alternatives to replace your original thought. In my example, the turnaround could be something like: “I am more than enough for myself and others.” Maybe you begin to list all the things you excel at and how you are helpful to those you encounter.
Through Jon Kabat-Zinn and other mindfulness pioneers, I learned that I am not my thoughts. Neither are they true just because I think them. I began to carefully choose the thoughts I dwell on, conscious that they create my reality. Likewise, mindfulness meditation teaches me to observe my thoughts, sit with them, and not try to change anything about them.
Mental Metamorphosis
Over time, I experimented with many mental tools. I resisted the temptation to ruminate on any negative thoughts. However, willpower and distractions may only provide a temporary solution. Without releasing my thoughts, they would always circle back around just like my journals invariably returned to the baggage carousel analogy.
As the brain storms intensified around a painful or traumatic event, I said “conveyor belt” to myself. Later, that was shortened to one word — Next. This shorthand signaled my ability to drop one thought (suitcase) and replace it with a better, more loving thought.
The mental hack was particularly helpful during chaotic and stressful times in my life.
Lying awake and lacking other distractions, I repeated “Next” hundreds of times. This nascent skill became a method to shunt negative or difficult thought patterns. I achieved some semblance of control over spiraling thoughts. Later, I could return to processing these topics more constructively through writing.
In time I packed a mobile version into my briefcase. As the tasks (parcels) increased with shouts of “we need this yesterday!”, I learned which packages to prioritize. I stopped glancing over my shoulder at the endless pileup of emails, DMs, phone calls, and interruptions. While not always perfect or stress-free, the process brought relative order to the chaos.
Personal Alchemy: Discovering Your Own Formula
“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” Epictetus
Extending the wisdom of this Greek philosopher to a random thought, a deep breath, and a pause during the mind storm can begin to break the endless cycle. In doing so, you will improve both your mental and physical health.
Reclassify your 60,000 thoughts a day as returning, ego-based annoyances. Or better yet, be grateful for the ability to complete daily tasks with little attention, freeing up brainpower for more creativity and positivity.
Don’t decline into dementia as a solution to a lifetime of baggage accumulation.
Ultimately, you have to find what works for you. Here are some final suggestions for your consideration:
- If you can’t avoid picking thoughts up, try dropping them in the recycling bin!
- Be conscious and intentional when choosing which thoughts to dwell upon.
- Shift to a new carousel with different luggage, like gratitude and acceptance.
- Strive to leave your baggage, the terminal, and the airport!
As a reminder to Let Go of your thoughts, follow the Southwest Airlines slogan and let your Bags Fly Free.
Here is a great article with specific suggestions on these topics from Dr. Yildiz:
And a story that expands on mindfulness:
Stepping out of the Chaos. An unexpected encounter with… | by Andy Williams | ILLUMINATION | Medium
Thanks for reading my story. You can contact me at [email protected]
