Stepping out of the Chaos

An unexpected encounter with mindfulness and gratitude

Jaco Pastorius was an American jazz musician, considered one of the best electric bassists of all time. His virtuosic style and distinctive sound influenced countless ‘masters of the low end’ worldwide. Sadly, his struggles with substance abuse and mental health demons manifested in occasional erratic behavior. Jaco’s later bipolar disorder diagnosis contributed to his absence of steady work. The gifted artist was often destitute between periods of prosperity. He died in 1987 at only 35, succumbing to his injuries from a beating outside a Florida nightclub. As a Jaco devotee and labor of love, Metallica bassist Robert Trujillo produced a documentary entitled Jaco in 2014.

Have you ever recognized a singer on the radio instantly? As a student of the bass guitar, Jaco’s buttery smooth sound always melted in my ears. Unfamiliar with his larger repertoire, the documentary amplified my curiosity about his life and legacy. The video adroitly encapsulated the dynamic range of his turbulent life. Beyond the film, I discovered longer interviews with famous musicians expounding on Jaco’s influence on their style and the very role of the bassist in a band. I enthusiastically shared his captivating story with anyone that would listen.

Immersed in the artist’s tragedy, I battled heavy eyelids to finish the film. After a fitful night, 5:30am knocked on my brain and waited impatiently for me to answer. Lost in a brain fog with the word ‘nonlinear’ looping in my head, I braved the cold January air to grab some groceries. Returning home exhausted and dizzy, my brain spun and blinked like a slot machine before clunking to a stop: Walk, Walk, Nap.

“People sacrifice the present for the future. But life is available only in the present. That is why we should walk in such a way that every step can bring us to the here and the now.” Thich Nhat Hanh

Decades before, I had attended a mindfulness class and tried to maintain some level of practice over the years. Merriam-Webster defines mindfulness as “the practice of maintaining a nonjudgmental state of heightened or complete awareness of one’s thoughts, emotions, or experiences on a moment-to-moment basis”. Although most people have found this philosophy beneficial but fleeting, a sustained state of being fully present is possible. That day, being “fully present” was the furthest idea from my mind. The universe had other plans.

Crisis (Remastered Version) — YouTube (audio only)

I try to walk outside every day. Having missed a couple I felt the internal pull along with the slot machine’s majority suggestion. Sidetracked while searching for Jaco music to stream, I eventually headed outside to cloudy skies and a 30 degree chill. Glancing at my phone, the first song entitled “Crisis” from the 1981 Word of Mouth album scrolled across. The instrumental accosted my ears with a cacophony of sound that matched my internal score. It was a fitting soundtrack for my nonlinear and bewildered state of mind.

“Flow with whatever may happen, and let your mind be free; stay centered by accepting whatever you are doing. This is the ultimate.” Zhuangzi

Light snow intensified into a squall. My entire being shivered to the core. The music and mental dissonance synchronized to the weather. Descending a hill, the storm raged onwards both internally and externally. I steeled my exposed face and glasses against the stinging precipitation. White snow bounced off my black jacket. The volume of individual snowflakes was like countless thoughts hitting my mind with the same rapidity and lack of coherence. Though practically weightless, both thoughts and snowflakes can become dangerous and destructive upon accumulation.

Arriving on level ground, I continued toward thinning clouds and a strengthening sun. The abating storm provided the evidence I was headed in the right direction. Rounding the next corner my heart rate increased as I ascended. The songs oscillated both tempo and mood. The snow tapered, the sun grew brighter, and my thoughts quieted. Turning again to a smaller incline, I headed east into the intensifying celestial orb.

I crossed the road to walk with traffic and avoid an approaching blind corner. Sequestered by my ear buds, a passing vehicle startled me. The tail of the white sports car flashed a vanity plate — DKNH. Firing synapses translated the acronym as Dark Knight New Hampshire. That image and message persisted as I passed the blind corner. What was I overlooking or afraid to confront up ahead in my life?

Continuum Jaco Pastorius — YouTube (audio only)

Two minutes later, Jaco’s transition to a more soothing and coherent soundtrack synchronized my mind and body to follow. The fully exposed winter sun warmed my face, rejuvenated my energy, and transformed my fatigue into gratitude for having weathered another storm. Disengaging my feet from autopilot, I allowed the golden light to illuminate my path home.

Shedding the winter layers, I quickly found my journal. The fascinated observer scribbled an exhaustive list of dualities packed into that one hour journey:

Hot and cold temps Rising and falling terrain

Black and white, dark and light Loud and soft, noise and silence

Expectation and surprise Blindness and awareness

Activity and stillness Chaos and calmness

I was blessed to have such a powerful example of sustained mindfulness. Imagine if we were always fully present.

• What will you notice as you move about your day?
• Are you aware of all the ways the ego shows us contrasts?
• Can you truly “see” vs what your mind and memory decide to show you?
• Can you soften these dualities and view them as part of the whole?

Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think.