The Brady Bunch and Other ‘70s Shows: I Have Questions

What happened to Tiger and why was there no toilet in the bathroom?

TV-watching was a sign of adequate parenting circa 1975

As a child of the 70s and a latchkey kid at that, I watched a whole lot of TV. That’s what we did, back in the day: watch TV, eat unhealthy, sugary foods, and run the streets with our parents having absolutely no idea where we were for hours at a time. We were unsupervised and enjoying the freedom of being untethered. There was no Google, no Interwebs and certainly no GPS tracking, feeding a real-time digital map to my parents as to where I was at any given time of the day or night. “Find My iPhone” was just a twinkle in Steve Jobs’ eye in this groovy era. TV-watching as a regular pastime was accepted and even encouraged by parents who had to work a full day away from home, leaving their kids to their own devices, and not those devices: iPads were non-existent as well.

“Find My iPhone” was just a twinkle in Steve Jobs’ eye in this groovy era.

One thing that did exist, however was, an endless stream of saccharinely- sweet content that crossed the very limited airwaves of yore. You see, 1970-era television consisted of a few channels that had a finite daily shelf life: open at 6am (after the national anthem, of course) and closed at 1am or thereabouts (after the national anthem, of course).

Between the unsupervised and purely magical time spent with friends outdoors, riding banana bikes, visiting the corner store to buy a full paper bag of candies and treats for a dollar or less, we watched TV — a lot — because there was nothing else to do.

It was normal. It was okay. It was good.

No one was watching us in our unsupervised glory (Gladys Kravitz notwithstanding).

The kids were alright.

Our lives consisted of many hours either playing with our friends (while being completely unreachable by parents), or watching hours of television. It’s this latter pastime that yielded so many questions.

Of course, our queries went unanswered in this time when a quick Google search was not even a fantasy. Yes, we could go to the library and pull out some microfiche files, or simple index cardboard files with the hopes that we’d find some information, but more often than not, we came up empty. We’d just have to digest the imagery and content that was shown to us on our not-super-Dolby-surround-sound-not-75"-high-definition-box-that-was-likely-black-and-white-and-more-likely-ancient.

The 70s-era TV lineup was like no other…

Some staples from back in the day? The Brady Bunch, Mary Tyler Moore and Gilligan’s Island. It’s safe to say that these programs formed the backdrop to millions of unsupervised, bored and curious kids who wanted answers to the questions that these programs created.

These programs were certainly entertaining but there were many unanswered questions that this one ’70s kid wanted resolved. The powers-that-be who were responsible for the programming of these shows likely didn’t think that we’d have questions but they were wrong. So very wrong.

Some things just didn’t add up, they were not resolved, or they just plain didn’t make sense. I have questions, a full 40-plus years later, and I want answers.

So here we go:

These shows raised more questions than answers in their mundane and seemingly innocuous presence. How could they expect people (kids) to watch without these viewers formulating a slew of inquiries that went on to be unanswered? We may be 40-plus years down the road and perhaps a bit long in the tooth, but we want a response. Now.

I can’t be the only one who is curious about the answers to these questions about 1970s era shows, so consider this a public service event in the demand for answers to these very pressing inquiries.

Here are the questions that must be answered. Now.

The Brady Bunch

There are so many questions about so many aspects of this show, I don’t know where to start. Perhaps we should commence with the obvious: you know, the questions that we all had while watching this “lovely lady” parent six kids with this “man named ‘Brady’” while continually smiling during even the most trying of times.

Here are my questions:

1. The Bio Dad: Where Was He? Did the Brady girls see their dad? Or was he deceased? The story alluded to this eventuality but never said it explicitly. If he were alive then, why didn’t he see his kids? Did “something suddenly come up” that made him unavailable? Was bio-dad Brady a deadbeat dad?
2. Why Was There No Toilet in the Kids’ Bathroom? Were the Brady crew just so cool that they didn’t ever have to relieve themselves?
3. What Happened to Tiger? Here today, gone tomorrow. The family pet and your favourite 1970’s-era shaggy canine disappeared abruptly, never to be seen or spoken of again.
4. Are ‘pork chops and applesauce’ really a good pair for dinner? Inquiring minds want to know.
5. Did Jan Get Help For Her Unyielding Jealousy of Marsha? “Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!” From Jan’s perspective, Big Sis always got most of the attention. Jan’s obsession with her older sister seemed to border on pathological. Did she get help for this obsession, or was it left to fester unattended?
6. Something Was Missing…With six kids and three adults, why wasn’t there a toilet in the bathroom?
7. What Happened to Tiger? Seriously.

Gilligan’s Island

1. A Three-Hour Tour? For folks who planned to get a bit of sun and surf for a few hours in the afternoon, they certainly packed up a whole lot of stuff with them for the occasion. The Howells had who knows how many crates of money, clothes and other coveted items, and Ginger, the movie star, also seemed pretty well-equipped for fun. Is it normal to pack so much with you when going on what amounts to a short day cruise in a familiar harbour?
2. Was Ginger Planning a Performance On Board? The way that Ginger was dressed — the leopard dress, the full face of makeup, makes one wonder if she had plans to provide a cabaret show during the three-hour-tour. Did she? Enquiring minds want to know.
3. What is ‘Gilligan’’s Real Name? “Little Buddy” and “Gilligan” were used interchangeably by the Skipper and the rest of the crew respectively, but one has to wonder: what is Gilligan’s real name? What was his first name? Why was he relegated to a surname when the eponymous program was about him? Was he embarrassed or ashamed of his first name? Was it ever revealed in any of the shows? Why wasn’t it used?
4. Why Did the Howells Have So Much Money With Them? Trunks of cash, jewellery and more. For a three-hour-tour? WHY??

Mary Tyler Moore

1. Why Was Mary’s Apartment Open to Anyone and Everyone at All Times? Phyllis, Rhoda, heck — even Murray Slaughter and the big boss, Mr. Grant, seemed to be able to waltz into Mary’s apartment unannounced. No key was necessary and they were clearly very comfortable with walking through the door without being invited or asked. Why?
2. Was Sue-Anne Nivens a Sociopath? Her “down-home” sweetness was only mitigated by her passive-aggressive behaviour, always served up with a smile. What was going on there?
3. What’s With the Big (decorative) ‘M’? The ‘M’ motif was ubiquitous throughout the show. We get it. Her name was Mary, and the first letter was an ‘M.’ Is she (or the producers) trying to make a point? Am I missing something? Is there a hidden meaning that we’ve been oblivious to for all these years? If not, it’s clear: yes — her first name started with this letter. Understood. Don’t beat us over the head with it, please.

Was Sue-Anne Nivens a sociopath? Inquiring minds want to know.

As you can see, there are so many questions that need to be answered regarding these classic 1970s-era shows. Those of us who grew up with them and had been curious to the answers surrounding these questions won’t rest until the truth is finally, groovily revealed.

Tearing back the curtain and making sunlight the best disinfectant to the murky and unanswered questions that continue to lurk will finally release us from the disquieting uncertainty that was served up over four decades ago. The truth is out there. Oops! Wrong era.