Personal Reflections
The Best Things From My Trans Journey (So Far)
Spoiler: Dresses didn’t make the list
I’m writing this on the first actually warm day of the year here in the upper Midwest (and by warm, I’m talking a balmy 60 degrees F!). There is an obvious metaphor in the surrender of the cold and lifeless winter to the warm and hopeful spring that keeps me introspective of the past, mindful of the present, and optimistic for the future.
I’m thinking (yet again) about this journey I’m on in discovering myself, of all the things I have learned! Let me share with you the list I’ve assembled so far:
- Good friends are invaluable. Meaningful friendship is worth more than everything else, and there’s something extra special in spending time with others taking the same journey. I’ve been fortunate to meet many wonderful trans people on Medium, including 💜 Victoria Quinn 💜, C. Allison Lane (Ali🌹), Kyler Middleton, Kitty Whitemore, Jenny Starr✨, Christine Penn, Logan Silkwood, Amber Poe, Michel Dunlop, locke besse, Jen Waters, and Elena Wunderbar and a couple others that are not on this platform (looking at you, Claire and Rebecca 😉). Without all of you around I would have crawled back under my rock and hid from the world.
- Meaningful friendship involves sharing the good and the bad, and being cognizant that all meaningful relationships need attention and effort. I realized I had friendships which were only centered on good times (glossing over the bad) and others which were primarily there to harbor the bad times with. Moreover I found some relationships were ‘one way’ ventures, with either me being the talker or me being the sounding board. As a result I burned out some relationships with my own burden and overestimated others as meaningful. Diverting effort from poor relationships and investing into those that are supportive and reciprocal has led to some amazing friendships!
- Vulnerability is key, and it takes an awful lot of courage to be vulnerable. Peeling away layers of emotional varnish and letting someone in on your transformation is probably the bravest thing one can do. But I learned that doing so with someone open and caring establishes a sacred space from which to build wonderful friendships.
- There is no valor in being the person everyone wants you to be. It may have taken decades, but I finally got to a point in my life where I give zero f$cks. I conduct myself according to my own conscience, my own ethos, my own style. If people truly care about me, they will let me be me.
- There is nothing wrong with blazing a new trail. You only live once — go where you want to go (or just head in a direction that feels right). If you need to make up a new name or definition for who you are becoming, so be it.
- The loudest humans are rarely worth paying attention to. There are scary and mean people out there who use volume and shock to bolster their bigotry and shallow nature. Kind and wonderful people are typically very quiet and are in greater abundance — ignore the loudmouths and mimic the compassionate.
- Love yourself first. Make you the number one love of your life ❤️. Everything else will fall into place after that.
- If you want love, give love. There is no reason not to be open and honest with your feelings. I’ve told more people that I love them in the last four months than I have in my preceding adult life. It’s amazing what happens when the stifling male ego is lifted!
- Sometimes saying nothing is the best. While this is probably controversial, I’m finding that occupying a smaller footprint, to talk less and listen more, leads to me being more present and happier.
- Live humbly, always err on the side of compassion. Live your life with grace. I kinda knew this going in, but I find it easier to embrace this statement now than ever before.
- This is your only life — make the best of it!
-nova grace ❤️