The Art of Being Irresistible
It’s all about making other people disappear.
You know that person that walks into the room, and all eyes turn? Maybe it’s the guy that looks like Robert Pattison. Maybe it’s the woman with legs longer than your entire body. Maybe it’s the CEO or the hometown celebrity of the moment.
You hate them, don’t you?
Me too.
They take one step in the door, and the spell is cast. Everyone’s captivated.
But if you’re like me, when you walk in, even the crickets have something better to do than take a second glance.
The good news is, you can still beat the beautiful people at their own game — by simply taking the focus off yourself and letting someone else have center stage.
Here’s what I mean.
Making everyone else disappear
Author Maya Angelou said:
“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
And if you can make a person feel like they’re the only person in the room, they’ll be enchanted.
Why?
Think about it.
In everyday life, most of us are small fishes in a large pond. We’re ignored. We’re given “a to do list” at work and at home, usually followed by a quick exit by whomever issued the commands.
But when a person stops…
When a person stops what they’re doing and stands face to face with us, looking us in the eyes, asking questions, and listening intently to what we say, we’re mesmerized.
Because being noticed — to the exclusion of all else — is what makes a person feel special.
Social Pro explains:
“An exciting conversation partner knows how to make the other person feel interesting, too. And if we feel interesting when we talk to someone, we’re more likely to want to talk to them again.”
So how do we provide this attention that bonds us to others?
A lot of it has to do with self-awareness and silence.
Mindful states:
“The key to mindful listening is to simply notice when your mind begins to wander, and then gently bring your focus back to center — in this case, to the speaker. You train yourself to refrain from interrupting, adding your point of view, or sharing similar experiences. These interjections take away from the speaker’s experience by making it about you. Instead of projecting your experience or feelings onto their message, the idea is to listen with the intention only to hear with an open, receptive, non-judgmental, and compassionate ear.”
Noticing and responding to verbal and physical cues
Whether you’re doing the talking or someone else is, there’s an underlying conversation going on as well. And the most charming people are those who recognize and respond to the “speech” of another person’s face and body.
As a matter of fact, The University of Texas Permian Basin explains that noticing and properly reacting to another person’s body language is even more important than listening to the words being said. They state:
“When there are inconsistencies between attitudes communicated verbally and posturally, the postural component should dominate in determining the total attitude that is inferred.”
So while you’re giving someone your attention, notice what their eyes and physical gestures are communicating. Then act on those cues.
Note eye contact and body language
Science of People lists some spontaneous eye, face, and body actions that reveal negative feelings during human interactions.
Here’s what they say.
Signs of nervousness, distraction, dislike, or hidden feelings:
- downcast eyes or efforts to avoid eye contact
- a smile that only shows in the mouth and is not reflected in the eyes
- hands hidden in pockets or in the back of the body
- interlocked fingers
- arms crossed over chests or ankles crossed when standing
Respond to these signals to become more likable:
If you see the object of your attention giving you signals that indicate fear or suppressed feelings, let them know that you notice. Ask them if everything is okay, tell them they look troubled, or make a joke to lessen their anxiety.
When you do this, not only do you make them feel special by noticing these small indicators, but you open the door to deeper communication. For example, people often want to talk but wait for signs that someone else wants to hear first. And when you show them you’re paying attention to these subtle signals, they’re more likely to open up and become more comfortable with you.
And that means they’ll keep coming back to you for those “feel good” moments.
Be happy, optimistic, and upbeat
Author Michelle E. Goodrich explains why individuals are attracted to happy people. She states:
“[Happy people] are like smile magnets.”
Science Direct describes this reaction as “emotional contagion.” They elaborate on this psychological term, stating:
“Emotional contagion describes the phenomenon of an automatic adoption of an emotional state of another person.”
This explains why we walk away from “Debbie-downers” at work or first dates who spend all their time complaining over dinner.
They make us unhappy, and that’s why we seek a quick exit when they’re around.
After all, no one wants to prolong an interaction with someone who never smiles, laughs, or manages to look on the bright side of things.
In contrast, people are irresistibly drawn to positive attitudes, healthy senses of humor, and high doses of optimism. Elite Daily states the reason for this allure:
“[Happy people]give off a certain energy — an energy that can be faked. This energy is a result of real happiness and gives a person the look of being more alive and more in the moment. There’s nothing sexier than a person completely present in the moment.”
Be generous with compliments
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs suggests that once our basic survival requirements are met, the next set of needs are love, belonging, and esteem.
And a lot of these needs can be met by a simple compliment.
For instance, I can live a whole day off just one compliment. Things such as “You did a fabulous job on …” “You look really nice today,” or “I love your…” make me feel noticed, appreciated, and validated.
Now don’t get me wrong.
Flattery is a turn-off. However, people who generously give authentic compliments are hard to stay away from.
And believe it or not, there’s something beautiful or unique in every single person you meet. So look for it, and when you find it, let them know.
Robert Orben says:
“A compliment is verbal sunshine.”
And almost everyone loves the feel of the sun on their face.
So be the sun, and watch the magic happen.
The bottom line:
Author Drishti Bablani says:
“What makes someone irresistible, is not their looks, but the way they can make your mind tickle, your heart race and your soul smile, all at once.”
What does this mean for you?
It means to stop looking for impressive words to say and start looking for impressive things in others.
It means to stop looking for negative things in life and start looking for ways to spread happiness.
It means to stop looking around the room and start looking at the person right in front of you.
And if you do this?
People will still stare at the “beautiful people” when they first walk through the door, but then they’ll look for you to spend the rest of their time with.
And that’s what really matters.
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