Six Ways to Help You Get Your Crush’s Attention

If you’re dreaming of catching their eye, you need to start by catching their heart.

They’re like a magnet. Every time you see them, your eyes can’t help but steal a glance. Every time you’re around them, your mind goes “there.”

You imagine yourself in their arms, and you see them smiling back at you with that look — the one that tells you it’s more than just friendship running through their head.

But then reality sets in, and the fairy tale ends. You feel invisible.

You put in so much effort to get your crush’s attention, but it never seems to work.

So you sit there brooding, thinking there’s no way you two can ever make any type of connection.

But if you’re stubborn like me, you can’t let go of the thought that maybe, if you just keep trying to win their heart, you two could be “a thing.”

So here are some strategies that will help you get their attention — and keep coming back for more.

Make them feel noticed

Have you ever talked to someone who’s nodding their head like they’re listening but still texting or scrolling on their phone the whole time?

I have.

And believe me, if you’re doing this, you can forget getting the one you want.

By doing this, you’re telling your crush what they say isn’t important. Even worse, you’re implying that they’re not special enough, charming enough, or desirable enough to keep your attention.

And this scenario doesn’t just apply to a dating situation. It applies to each encounter you have with this person.

Let’s say your crush is a co-worker. Do things that let them know you’ve heard them and value them.

For example, if a group meeting is being held and your crush has a great idea they’re too shy to say aloud, mention it and give them credit. They may blush, but they’ll be secretly pleased. They’ll also be charmed by the fact you think highly of them, and more importantly, they’ll know you really listened to what they had to say.

If they’re trying to present their idea and another co-worker won’t let them get a word in edgewise, say something (at the right moment) such as “I think ________ had something they wanted to say.” This lets them know you’re looking out for them.

If your crush comes in and looks nice, tell them.

If they’ve been dieting and lost a few pounds, congratulate them on their achievement.

If someone else gave them a compliment when they weren’t around, tell them what great things you heard.

All of these things make a person feel confident, noticed, and cherished.

And in a busy world where people are frequently self-absorbed, actions like these can go a long way towards creating an initial attraction.

Ask questions

Another thing you can do is ask questions. For example, if your crush casually mentions they joined a book club, ask them what book they’re reading. Ask what it’s about and whether they like it.

If you ask them how their day went and they tell you it was horrible, ask them why. Then ask if there’s anything you can do to help.

If they say they like Italian food, ask them what their favorite dish is.

Author of the book 151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills, Robert Dittmer explains that, in addition to showing your crush you’re interested in what they have to say, it also gives you another benefit. You learn more about who they are, and this can give you an extra edge when trying to create special interactions with them.

“The most crucial element of good listening is simple: You have to want to understand the other person’s point of view. Listening is not about agreeing or defending. It’s not about how often you nod your head in the conversation, how many times you recap what the person said, or how many affirmations you give to the other person. Those are techniques to help you become a better listener, but they are not listening in themselves.

The fundamental purpose of listening is to gather information about the other person, to understand where [they’re] coming from, how [they view] a situation, or what [they] value. If you sit quietly and let others do the talking, you can have an excellent opportunity to learn, to gather information. And that can be very powerful — in several ways.”

Don’t try too hard to impress

Of course, your questions shouldn’t seem like an interrogation, so don’t be afraid to give your crush a little bit of information about you too.

After all, this is what conversation is about — giving and taking.

Just be sure that when you’re talking to the object of your affection, you don’t try to impress them by spouting one accomplishment after another.

This strategy does two negative things.

• It makes you seem like you’re “trying too hard.”
• It makes you seem arrogant.

In Business Insider’s article “The 8 Most Attractive Qualities People Look for in a Partner,” they cite Dr. Terry Orbuch, author of Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship. He states the harmful effects of constantly showing off your successes in front of your crush, saying,

“If you spend all the time on a date selling yourself, the impression is that you’re self-centered. You may feel the need to ‘sell’ yourself to a potential date, but in reality, going on and on about yourself will actually push the other person away. Be sure it is a give and take.”

For example, if you’ve had success in something, there’s nothing wrong with mentioning it if the subject comes up, but be humble when you do so.

Allow yourself to be vulnerable

When it comes to attraction, the ironic truth is that revealing your weaknesses and everyday stumblings may be more enticing than your accomplishments.

So don’t be scared to be vulnerable.

Being vulnerable shows someone you are authentic, open, and approachable. And by being willing to admit your flaws and emotions, your crush will feel more comfortable revealing theirs.

The fact is that when two people talk truthfully about their struggles without fear of judgment, it bonds them.

Psychology Today quotes Brené Brown, author of The Gifts of Imperfection, who explains why vulnerability is so alluring, stating,

“We are actually drawn to people who are real and down-to-earth. We love authenticity, and we know that life is messy and imperfect.” Why do we love children so much? Why are we drawn to people who act like themselves? Because we feel an intrinsic comfort in the presence of authenticity. Moreover, someone who is real and vulnerable gives us the space and permission to be the same.”

And when someone makes us feel safe to be ourselves and loves who we are when we do, we want to be around them more. And this desire can result in your crush seeking you out when you least expect it.

Make them feel optimistic and hopeful

Most of us are more exhausted by anxiety and worry than any sort of physical labor. We worry about our looks, our jobs, our families, and our futures. And to protect ourselves, we often assume the worst.

That’s why we crave positivity and optimism in other people.

As a matter of fact, these two things are essential layers on the “catch your crush” checklist.

Not only do we crave someone who’s nonjudgmental of our shortcomings, but we also love it when they help us see the one thing we usually never can — the bright side.

Positivity is contagious, and a person who manages to help us gain a sunnier outlook on things is someone we want to keep coming back to.

So here are some things to do when your crush seems unhappy, worried, or just down on themselves.

• If they make a mistake or experience a failure, remind them of their strengths.
• If they are anxious over something, help them put things in perspective so they don’t obsess over the worst-case scenario.
• If they are upset, remind them that the bad times will pass.

And if you really want to make them give you a second glance, add in some humor as well.

Make them laugh

If times are tough and your crush seems down, see if you can make them laugh. Because humor is scientifically proven to win people over. For example, many people aren’t aware that people who make us laugh actually change our body chemistry in a dramatically positive way.

Very Well Mind explains the science of why humor is so attractive. They state:

“Laughter reduces the level of stress hormones like cortisol, epinephrine (adrenaline), dopamine, and growth hormone. It also increases the level of health-enhancing hormones, like endorphins.”

In other words, laughing with another person is like a small “high.” It lessens negative emotions by decreasing the hormones that cause anger, sadness, and frustration and replaces them with endorphins or “feel good hormone[s].”

And when you give them this small jolt of happiness, they’ll be addicted to it. And maybe become addicted to you as well.

The bottom line:

Physical beauty draws us to people, but after a while, if they don’t make us feel beautiful too, the appeal fades.

Lasting attraction is about being seen, understood, and cared for unconditionally.

And if you can do those things for your crush, there’s no telling what spark might be ignited.

So good luck.

And let me know how that first date goes.