The Announcement of the Holodeck
The possibilities are limitless
As people gathered in the press room, Dr. Parsons, standing with the other engineers, addressed the crowd, “Today, we announce the creation of a fully functional Holodeck. Just as many of you have seen on the television show Star Trek the Next Generation, this device can create three-dimensional holograms. These holograms will appear to be real in every sense. While inside, a person will experience any situation in any environment imaginable. Not only will this apply to recreational activities, but researchers will carry out difficult experiments in controlled environments. And professionals will conduct training for hazardous jobs and dangerous procedures in complete safety.”
“There are virtually no limits to the possibilities afforded by this device. Now, if anyone has questions, please line up at the microphone, and we’ll be happy to answer them for you.” He pointed toward the first person in line at the microphone, “Yes, you sir?”
The man at the microphone asked, “Uhh, will the people on the Holodeck be like, regular people?”
“I don’t understand what you mean,” replied the doctor.
“Well,” he stammered, “will the women in there be able to do the same things that regular women can do?”
“Ah, I see. Yes, you’ll be able to have sex with the women on the holodeck.”
“That’s not, uhh… ok,” he said and stepped away.
The woman next in line asked, “Will the men also be fully functional?”
“Yes,” replied the doctor, “everyone on the holodeck will be completely capable of doing anything a regular man or woman can do. Next question, please.”
The next man in line watched as the previous woman walked away, paused, then said, “Uhh, you already answered my question,” and stepped away.
The doctor, seeing the pattern emerging, said, “People, please think of the opportunities afforded by such a device. Simple pleasures are nice, but this will allow scientists to conduct studies that would be impossible otherwise. It’ll allow surgeons to train for dangerous procedures without risk to anyone, and that’ll be just the beginning. Think of the implications for our society.”
The man now standing at the microphone said, “I have a question regarding the treatment of diseases.”
“Excellent,” the doctor replied, “what’s your question?”
“Will the STD’s you get from the hookers on the holodeck disappear once you leave the room, or will they require regular treatment?”
“No one on the holodeck will have any STD’s.”
“You’re not gonna convince me there are hookers who don’t have STD’s. I’m not falling for that again.”
“Sir, I can assure you, there’s no one like that on the holodeck.”
“Now wait,” the man said, “will there, or will there not be hookers on the holodeck?”
Exasperated, the doctor replied, “There can be anything you want on the holodeck.”
“Ok, so there will be hookers on the holodeck,” the man continued. “Now, as for their STD’s…”
Without listening to the rest of the question, the doctor looked to the engineer beside him and said, “I fucking hate science.”
Thank you for reading.
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