Summary

An ad algorithm bot targeting a 40-year-old mom on Instagram accidentally sends her a series of inappropriate and unrelated ads, leading to unexpected purchases and humorous outcomes.

Abstract

The narrative unfolds the comedic misadventures of an Instagram ad algorithm bot named Jerry, who is tasked with curating personalized ads for Michelle, a middle-aged mother from Bethesda, Maryland. Instead of the intended ads for family-friendly products, Jerry's errors result in Michelle being targeted with ads for items such as a full-body romper, an adult-sized gorilla mask, CBD intimacy lube, and a Shibari bondage guide. Despite the bot's blunders, Michelle ends up purchasing several of these unintended items, surprising the ad team with her unexpected choices. The story concludes with the team discovering Michelle's diverse and humorous purchase history, which includes the inadvertently suggested products alongside more conventional items.

Opinions

The ad bots initially underestimate Michelle's openness to unconventional products, assuming her interests are limited to typical middle-aged mom stereotypes.
There is a sense of panic and concern among the ad bots when they realize their mistakes, fearing repercussions for their actions.
The bots attempt to cover up their errors by flooding Michelle's feed with more appropriate content, showing a reactive strategy to correct their mistakes.
The story portrays a humorous take on the sophistication, or lack thereof, of ad algorithms and their understanding of consumer behavior.
The team's reaction to Michelle's purchase history reflects a mix of surprise and admiration for her eclectic tastes, challenging their preconceived notions about their target demographic.
Jerry's placement on probation indicates the seriousness with which the ad team views their role in providing relevant content, despite the comedic context of the narrative.

ADS GONE WRONG

The Ads Made a Mistake on Her Instagram Feed and Things Took a Surprising Turn

This mom wants a lot more than punny socks

Photo by Athena: https://www.pexels.com/photo/gray-metal-utility-pole-2371910/

The following is a real transcript of the ad algorithm bots hard at work on the Instagram feed of an unassuming 40-year-old mom in Bethesda, Maryland.

As you can see, things don’t go as planned.

Okay so we’re on to Michelle next.

Oh I love finding ads for Michelle! She is like the quintessential 40-year-old mom with a little spark underneath that hood, if you know what I mean?

Yeah, it’s like, let’s send her all of the ads for gender-neutral kids clothing and bunk beds from Mayfair, but every once in a while she’ll get a kick out of some punny socks that say “F#$K TODAY.”

You know what she would just love today, guys? One of those full-body rompers made out of starched linen in an earth tone.

Yesssss!

The kind that don’t touch any part of your body and look like a cross between an art smock and a potato sack, right?

Yes! Send it her way please.

Guys? I think I made a terrible mistake.

Jesus, Jerry. Not again.

Instead of the potato sack body suit, I just sent her an ad for a “harness” from H & M.

Goddammit, Jerry.

Okay, there’s a solution to this! Maybe she’ll think the harness could be a Halloween costume for her kid? Or maybe she could wear it over the smock sack and it could hold gardening tools or something?

Good thinking.

Okay, flood her feed with some wholesome content like Amazon drawer organizers and an announcement for the upcoming Harry Potter Experience exhibit at the Franklin Institute.

Shit guys. I am really sorry.

Jesus Jerry.

I was looking up some fun seasonal stuff for her, you know since you mentioned the Halloween costumes and everything. I was about to click on an ad for tickets to a corn maze at a pumpkin patch near her house. But then I accidentally sent this:

Jerry, this appears to be an adult-sized Gorilla face mask. Is this something you think a person like Michelle would buy? Did you not take the extensive “learn your person in 30 days” training before we were certified to become Ad Bots?!

I promise I’ll do better, okay?

I’m going to go ahead and send her a Shutterfly 50% off sale ad so that she gets busy making one of those family photo books from their trip to Puerto Rico and forgets this ever happened.

(2 months later)

Uggggh.

Jerry!!!!

Okay this is what happened. Please don’t fire me! I need this job.

Since spring break is just around the corner and I know one of her sons has eczema, I was thinking I could flood her feed with some hypoallergenic children’s sunscreens. Like beachy vibes but still sensitive-skin friendly?

But then instead of sending her kids’ sunscreen I sent this:

(Author’s screenshot from foriawellness.com)

You sent her CBD Intimacy Lube?!!!

Do you think this woman has had sex in the last 6 years, Jerry?!

Okay Jerry. Push ALL THE SKINCARE PRODUCTS.

She’ll never even notice this if she’s getting all of the anti-aging crap we send women her age constantly. I’m thinking those True Botanicals ads, the Frownies wrinkle patches, and throw in some Lumineux teeth whitening strips. Go!

Okay this is getting ridiculous, Jerry.

Did you seriously just send Michelle an ad for a how-to guide to the Japanese Shibari bondage technique?

Okay this I can explain. Her kid’s 5th birthday party is magic themed, so I was trying to send her an ad for a magic kit.

And this how-to book on an ancient sexual bondage technique just happened to drop into her feed what… by accident?

You’re officially on probation, Jerry. Pack up your things.

(3 days later)

You guys, something isn’t quite right.

Look at Michelle’s purchase history right now.

She bought the Shibari book??!!!

Yes but… there’s more.

She clicked on the harness, and the Gorilla mask, and the CBD lube… all were purchased on her VISA that ends in 4444.

But it doesn’t stop there.

I’m also seeing a search history for a sexy nurse Halloween costume, a butt plug, some farm-raised salmon from Whole Foods, an audiobook copy of “The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F#ck,” a pair of pasties from Savage X Fenty, and a 5 pound bag of Swedish Fish.

Oh — and here’s her son’s magic kit!

And you know what else?

That’s my girl!

She bought the Lumnieux!

Read more from Michelle A. Cmarik…

I’m in Love With the Robot Who Reads My Writing Out Loud to Me

I clicked “listen,” and the rest was history.

medium.com

9 Things I Can’t Wait To Do Tonight in My Spare Time

The possibilities are endless for that much-needed 58 minutes I have to myself tonight.

medium.com

Wouldn’t you rather be laughing?