The ABCs of Gratitude

When you feel like giving up, list things you are grateful for; it might change your perception

I feel like sh*t; my workout was sub-par this morning, my “fat-loss journey” is moving slower than a snail in the sand, I’m in an incredibly foreign place in my non-existent career, and I miss my f*cking kids.

Okay, I feel a little better now that I’ve released some curse words from my overloaded system.

I came across Suzie Alexander’s piece on gratitude, and I wanted to challenge myself to make a list of things I am grateful for, specifically, while in a vulnerable state.

Please hold on to your hats, keep all appendages in the seat at all times, and bear with me.

Let’s ride!

Able-bodied — Every night around 7 pm, my neighbor walks his two disabled children around our court. I could have had the worst day, but when I see this father taking both his children for an evening stroll with a smile on his face (and the patience of a saint), I am overcome with gratitude for my and my family’s physical health.

Bike — I love my mountain bike; it’s gotten me through some pretty rough days. On days when I don’t want to talk to anyone at the gym (and pretend everything’s okay), I saddle up and spin my wheels until my wheels stop spinning.

Coffee — A good cup of coffee is simple and important to me. I cherish the mornings when I have time to enjoy a fresh cup while chatting with a friend or writing in my journal. I will take this further and say that I am grateful for my mom’s Nespresso machine. Making gourmet coffee at home saves me a ton on overrated coffee shop lattes!

Dads — My ex and I aren’t on the same page (we aren’t even reading the same book most of the time). But despite some limitations, I am grateful for the positive aspects he brings to my kids’ lives.

Earbuds — When the world is buzzing and too busy to hear myself think, I pop a squat at a local coffee shop, drown in the beautiful melodies of classical music, and write out my feelings. Or I listen to a self-help podcast (or a CrossFit video), which also does wonders for soul-searching missions.

Free Gym Membership (post-divorce)— Most days, I can’t believe how unbelievably lucky I am to catch a break on something so essential for me and my mental health. For the last thirteen years, I’ve dripped blood, sweat, and tears on this gym floor; they know me and love me. So, I am grateful for my Home Sweat Home.

Guitar — My guitar is my best friend. We’ve been friends for twenty-five years; she’s always there for me and tells me exactly what I need to hear at each life-changing moment.

Hugs — Hugs were hard to come by a few years ago. I am grateful that we can be closer than six feet apart these days. The other morning, my son had a case of “The Mondays.” He was dragging his unmotivated feet to get ready for school; he had asked me to help him style his hair, and afterward, I gave him a huge twenty-second hug. The tension released in our shoulders, and we smiled as we left the house that morning.

Isolation — I’ve learned that too much of this is detrimental to my mental (health). But just enough of it balances me out in a way my body and mind crave.

Journals— I have a collection of journals dating back to 1996; having twenty-six years’ worth of writing is like having piles of instructional booklets on my past, present, and future. I am grateful that I never stopped writing — and I never will.

Kite — I am grateful for the simplest things in life: Some of the most warm-and-fuzziest memories of my kids and ex-husband are when I recall a big, brightly-colored kite flapping in the overcast sky at the beach. And the awe and sense of accomplishment on my kids’ smiling faces when they manage to keep it afloat all on their own.

Love — Admittedly, this one is cheesy. But when I think back over the last few years about what has (almost) conquered all, it’s the love of my family and friends, and it’s the love I have for my children that pushes me out of bed every morning when the last thing I want to do is get up and face the world without them.

Money — It’s not a lot, but it’s enough. Enough to pay bills with, put gas in my car, groceries in the ‘fridge, and take my kids camping occasionally. From what I’ve seen in the world lately, a little cash to survive is a lot more than many people have — and I am grateful for that.

Neck and Hip pillows — I read somewhere that we hold enormous stress and trauma deep in our bodies, specifically our necks, shoulders, and hips. So, on nights when I can’t sleep because I worry about my kids so damn much — at least my neck and hips are in alignment. *shrug*

Orgasms — There’s much to be said about an organic connection with yourself and/or another human. I am grateful for my past, present, and future organic experiences. And I will never take them for granted again.

Parents — My parents and all the steadfast moms and dads all around the world. I don’t know where I’d be without mine. (Actually, I do. And it scares the crap out of me.)

Quiet — This is the “dragon” I constantly chase, a serene place of solitude to untangle the static in my brain first and then gather my thoughts.

Rest Days — Days off from work, the gym, and life. And days when my family’s mental health is more important than keeping up with a routine. We all need them. It’s okay.

School — A month after my whole world collapsed and I moved back in with my parents to lick my wounds, I had the opportunity to start school free of charge. And even though some of my certifications are collecting dust now, I am forever grateful for a clean slate and a chance to go after everything I thought I couldn’t have.

Time — Specifically, the time I spent with my kids when they were little and I was a stay-at-home mom. I am grateful for the days, weeks, months, and years I got to wake up every morning, pick them up from their cribs, kiss their sleepy little faces, and spend the rest of the day caring for them.

Unhinged — The (excruciating) opportunity to completely disconnect from the life I thought I had in the bag forever and rediscover who I am as a mother, a woman, and an unmarried but valuable human being.

Vacations — Every family getaway that ever was, everywhere my ex takes my kids to experience the world without me and any future adventures the kids and I have together.

Writing — Writing on this platform gave me a new life when I wasn’t sure how to keep living my old one. The Medium community embraced me when I couldn’t possibly feel more alone. And for you, I am grateful.

Xena(s) — I had to Google ‘words that start with the letter X’ for this one. I am grateful for all the ferocious women in my life — myself included.

Youth — I am not the twenty-something-year-old doing front squats at my gym. And that’s okay. I loved my twenties and thirties; I am grateful for them because I had a blast. But who says my forties can’t be the best decade I’ve ever had?

Zest — No matter how down in the dirt I feel some days, my pursuit for everything good in the world is relentless and unshakeable, even on days like today.

“There are people who would love to have your bad days.” — Anonymous

What twenty-six things are you grateful for?

Thank you, Vidya Sury, Collecting Smiles. I feel better already. ❤

Thank you for reading. You are loved. ❤