Sequel to The Truth About Pursuing My Ikigai

The 7 Ways I Forget About Success And Do What I Love Anyway

#1 — Don’t be ashamed about things that are out of your control.

Most people are obsessed with the result of their work, the numbers, the bottom-line figures, and their successes. And at many times, especially during my slumps, I am too. Obsessed about the (wo)man-made or fabricated ideals of ‘success.’

Until I remind myself that success doesn’t matter. Only my passion matters.

1. Don’t be ashamed about things that are out of your control.

My music teacher told me this yesterday. It really struck a chord (pun not initially intended).

Some things are out of our control, and all we can do is give it our best shot, no matter what the industry.

Sometimes job posts are placed, but the applicant has already been decided on.

The ad says: ‘looking for soprano, mezzo, tenor, baritone,’ but the panel and main decision-makers have already decided who they will choose for one or two of those positions.

Sometimes, it’s mandatory. The company is obligated to put out an ad, even within internal hiring, and even though they know exactly who fits the position best.

In other cases, they have to choose a certain soprano because she’s the tenor’s wife, and he won’t sign the contract without her.

Maybe the tenor is a big name who brings in all the money that will help the company sustain 5 other shows. Maybe the soprano’s family is the biggest donors of the opera house. Who knows the reason they aren’t picking you?

Is it cruel, is it wrong? I used to say yes.

But what if, without that money, they can’t support six other productions that have thousands of people? Of course, in many cases, they are taking advantage of the singers or applicants. But people are quick to assume the worst, and I would be presumptuous and naïve if I did that.

Some things are just not in our hands.

We walk into that job interview, that audition, and we just give it our best. We prepare as much as we can and we work on ourselves. We go to experts that we trust, take their advice, and decide about how we present ourselves.

That’s all we can do. If we don’t get that position, that is nothing to be ashamed about, because it’s beyond our control.

2. Do what you love, even if it’s to a ‘smaller’ extent.

If you’ve read my latest article, I wrote about my ikigai (purpose) being music, how I’m struggling in the process, that I gave myself a ‘deadline’, and in the end, decided I don’t have to be limited to one purpose. I can have polyamorous purposes.

Many people reached out to me, asking if I was okay, or if I needed a job, or thought that I had thrown music out of my life.

I won’t lie, I’ve definitely given it a thought. Not only because of the struggle, but also many things about the industry itself that I strongly disagree with and find backwards.

“But Yara,” my teacher told me, “do what you love because you would do it anyways. With or without the success, you love it. So you should do it anyway,”

“Do what you love, because you do it anyways,”

The great thing about this generation (boomers can complain all they want), is that we are not static. Most people have multiple jobs at the same time. They’re artists, they’re painters, they have podcasts, they write, and they have a full-time job in another field.

So this is what I have told myself: until I stop enjoying the process of making music, then I will keep doing it.

But if music only gives me stress and pain, then I either need to work on my mindset towards it (which is basically this article) or just set it aside. Let it go. No hard feelings.

If it still makes me happy, then I will do it. Even if it’s a small concert in a church, performing with refugees, or singing for the elderly.

If you’re doing it with the mindset of, ‘I need to make a career, I need to succeed, I need to be chosen, I need to get 5 million views,’ then maybe it’s not really what you love.

And it’s not your fault if you think this way because we are raised in environments that promote competitiveness and success. Half the articles on Medium tell you ‘5 ways to be successful.’

I’ve just found that letting go of this ‘success’ mindset will also free me from the chains of my self-judgement.

3. Break down doors, create your own opportunities.

So I’m currently not singing at the famous Staatsoper in Vienna. Okay. I’m sad about it, but it’s out of my control. That door is closed forever.

Or is it?

No, it is not closed! No door is closed forever because guess what? Life actually has no doors and that’s just a metaphor. Don’t become controlled by a literary device and allow it to dictate your way of thinking.

A singer I’m proud to call a friend, Nadine Benjamin, is a key example of that. She’s every example of someone who ‘shouldn’t make it’ in the world of opera because she’s not a 20-year-old blonde with a 10-year background in classical music training.

As Julian Glover from the Evening Standard wrote, “What’s even more remarkable is that Benjamin is on stage at all.”

She had no concept of doors in her mindset, or at least, she tore them down to get herself singing at the Royal Opera House main stage in 2020, as well as other times doing concerts there, through using what made her unique and different.

What makes you different? Maybe you have to go somewhere else so that your perspective becomes unique and sought-after. For example, writing about Arabs to Arabs, you’re not very unique. Writing about Arabs in Japanese, you’re a little more different.

Instead of waiting for doors to open for you — and I know I do this too — sometimes we need to take action and make our own opportunities. It’s a proactive approach and usually, the crazier and wilder the idea, who knows, some other crazy person might fall for it.

Then, we become our own opportunity-creators. Then you can hire the people who previously you were auditioning for.

And if you want to do create your own opportunities, you don’t have to do it alone. Many people are in the same boat as you, you just have to find them.

4. Asking is free. So ask.

I have a seriously inspirational anecdote on this topic.

I’m humbled to have many inspiring and damn brilliant friends. One of them is a banker, chef, and generally hilarious and epic storyteller.

He also writes, but was not a ‘professional.’

He decided to submit his idea to literary agents and small publishers. Apparently, tens of thousands of acclaimed writers also submit their proposals and ideas to thousands of agents and are considered lucky to hear back from one.

Louai Al-Romani had not one, but three publishing houses vying over his book, as well as multiple agents wanting to represent him! He even had to write rejection letters to some agents.

If he hadn’t submitted to them and in a way, ‘asked,’ he would never have published a book with Penguin, literally, THE greatest publishing house. Side note, my description of his book is: if The Dalai Lama and Warren Buffet had a baby, it would be Louai Al-Roumani. Business insight through a compassionate lens during the deadly Syrian war.

So, I know some of us hate asking for things: we’re shy, we’re afraid of rejections. I’m one of those people. But sometimes, you have no idea where a question or application can take you.

5. Don’t stop doing what you love to please a wider audience.

If what you love is writing poems about science, then do that. Don’t listen to people telling you to write love poems instead.

They’re not wrong, it’s just not what you love, so why would you do it? Of course, if the energy put into it is minimal and the reward gained from it is maximal, then you can do it too.

But don’t stop doing what you love just because your friends don’t enjoy it. Find people that love what you have to give.

‘People aren’t as creative and weird as they think they are. If it’s something you find interesting, it’s highly likely that someone else will find it interesting too,’ our strangely inspiring journalism professor once told us.

6. F*ck Success

I feel like the word success is like Voldemort.

It can make people cry, or if you’re a death eater, it makes you absolutely joyful. People cry because they think they’ve failed, others are joyful because they’ve succeeded (maybe that was a far-fetched analogy but any excuse to include Harry Potter works.)

A lot of these things take time, effort, and capital. It’s not easy, and you don’t have to do it.

You don’t have to ‘take the hard way.’

You don’t have to do extracurriculars that make you unhappy and stressed (except maybe taxes and seeing your family).

If creating something from scratch with a team of people doesn’t give you happiness, then it doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Not all people are the same, and some people are not cut out to make things. Maybe you’re a quiet thinker or you have other beautiful traits.

At the end of your life, no one will be standing there with a tape-measure waiting to measure your ‘success.’

All that will matter will be your memories and your own mind. So make the best memories and take care of your soul.

Don’t let the word success control you so much.

7. Always be kind, always have compassion.

Being rude to people along your journey of life will come back to haunt you. Karma biting you in the ass is a thing.

You never know when the soprano you talked shit about to everyone, who was a contestant in a competition, will become the one running the competition.

You never know when your employee who you treated poorly will become your CEO. If you had been kind to her, she would now promote you. No matter how skilled you are, she won’t, because you were an asshole.

These are true stories of people I know.

You should be kind not because it will get you in favours with people. You should be kind because that should be the ultimate goal.

In fact, if I have one goal in my life, it is unlimited kindness and compassion.

At work, when I know a conductor is compassionate, it makes me excited to work with them. When I know he’s a bit of a douchebag who swears at everyone, I literally dread going into rehearsals. It makes my performance worse because I’m in a bad state of mind.

I used to play a game in the London underground where I would smile at twenty people. At least 15 would smile back. It was beautiful. It would make my day. Anyone being kind to me makes my day.

To sum up, remember these 7 things, as you do what you love.

• Focus on the process, because that’s all you have.
• If you love it, do it, even if it's just in front of your cat.
• Break down doors, find where you are unique.
• Asking is free, so ask!
• Don’t stop doing what you love to gain a wider audience.
• Success is a made-up word — it’s like Lord Voldemort, but be Harry and don’t let it control you.

Last but not least, kindness and compassion make people deeply great and truly successful. So be kind, be compassionate, least of all to yourself, and do what you love, because you should do it, anyway.