The 7 Stages Of A False Twin Flame Relationship

They are very similar to the real deal

It took me a long time to write this article because I wasn’t sure if I knew the answer. Did I meet my real twin flame or just a false/catalyst one? It took me two years to figure it out, but now I am ready to share my insights.

First of all, when meeting a twin flame (whether real or false), your world will never be the same again. This person sweeps you off your feet and you can be sure that it won’t be easy. But this type of connection is so deep and so necessary that you can’t run away from it. It doesn’t matter if they are false or real — you two are destined.

My False Twin Flame

Two years ago I also met who I thought was my soulmate. I never even heard of the term ‘twin flame’, but I soon realised our connection was deeper than what I had ever experienced with anyone before. Which was funny, because we were the ultimate opposites. We both got totally sucked into this soul connection, and the addiction began.

By coincidence, I started reading about twin flames, and as soon as I read about the stages twin flames normally go through, I was sure I had met mine. We were in the Turmoil phase when I figured that out, and it gave me some ease to read that this pushing and pulling between us was normal.

But our relationship became more and more toxic and the longer we stayed together, the more I started to wonder whether this was healthy. But we were twin flames! And there is only one like him! I ignored all the red flags and continued with our relationship.

Something feels off

But my gut kept telling me something was wrong. My hair started to fall out, I lost weight, I couldn’t laugh like I used to, I was anxious, had heart palpitations every morning after waking up, and got extremely lonely when he wasn’t by my side. My friends started to worry about me and pointed out more and more things about his toxic behaviour. I didn’t listen, because I was sure we were meant to be together and this was just a phase.

In that period I also came across the term ‘false twin flames’. They are meant to come into your life before you meet the real one to clear your past wounds and help heal generational trauma. But how did I know if mine was real or false? The signs are almost the same!

Now, two years after our first meeting and one year after our break-up, I know he was a catalyst twin. We were indeed meant to be together, and he did teach me the most important lesson: How I could truly love myself.

Trauma-bonding

Twin flames now have a different meaning to me. I think they are the spiritual word for a narcissist. And they only become your real twin flame if/when they are healed. This connection is so profound, because you are trauma-bonded with your twin flame. It’s not until you both learn all the lessons you need to learn, that you become real twin flames. If one of the two doesn’t face their issues and shadows (which is often the case with narcissists), you are and will always be false twins.

Seven False Twin Flame Stages

So what are the stages false twins go through? They are slightly different than the ones with your real twin.

1. The Attachment

This is the phase where you will be intensely drawn to your ‘twin’ from the moment you meet them. You don’t understand why, but you can’t stay away from this person. Some things feel strange — things are getting intense way too quickly. But you embrace it and feel like the luckiest person alive to have a met person like them. They smother you with love and gifts, and make all the most beautiful future plans you can even think of. They tell you that you are the One and they have been waiting for you forever. You believe it, because you feel the same.

2. The Turbulence

During this phase things are starting to heat up a bit more. You will see some behaviour of your twin that you know is not okay. They might cheat, or manipulate you. But you are still so in love that you brush it off. It could be that they are starting to control you more and more; want you to behave a certain way or wear different clothes. They assure you they only do it because they love you so much and they want the best for you. If you don’t do what they want, they might threaten to leave the relationship. This would be your worst nightmare, so you slowly start changing for them. In this phase they might break up with you a few times, only to come back after you promise you wouldn’t behave that way anymore.

3. The Separation

After a while, you don’t feel like yourself anymore. You want things to be the way like they were in the beginning, but you need to adjust yourself more and more to please your twin. You also feel much more attached to them, and tell yourself it doesn’t matter that you changed. Your connection is still so deep, so it’s all worth it. But in this phase there will be a time you do something ‘unforgivable’ to your twin, whether conscious or unconscious. They will separate from you and leave you totally heart-broken. The Separation could also occur because you can’t handle the situation anymore and you decide to leave.

4. The Trauma

Being separated from your twin is almost worse than living in hell. You have no idea what happened to your connection and try everything to figure out why they left or why it didn’t work out. What could you have done differently? Why did they leave you? What if you never did what you did and you could still be together? But this phase is meant for you to face your trauma’s. Why did you get so attached to a toxic person like them? What attachment do your parents have? How did you grow up as a child and how were you loved? This is the time to figure out why you are who you are and what caused that. During the Trauma phase, you should do inner child work and get to the core of your shadows. This phase might also cause you to enter into a Dark Night of the Soul.

5. The Healing

Once you know where your childhood wounds come from and you have actively worked on them, you can start healing. You are still heart-broken about your twin, but you understand now why things happened a certain way. You learned so many lessons and you feel ready to reunite with your twin to start a healthy relationship. But have they healed too? Are they doing the same inner work as you do? You can’t seem to let go of this question, but it’s so hard to figure out. You start feeling better again and feel more gratitude towards life and your twin. Are you guys meant to be together after all? You can’t wait to share your insights with them, but for some reason there is no opportunity for it. They might already have another relationship, or don’t want to be in touch with you at all.

6. The Confusion

You feel ready and good about yourself. Now your twin will come back! It must happen, because you feel healed and that was your task. Maybe you meet other people during this phase, but nobody can create that same connection as your twin used to do. You start longing for them again, maybe even reach out to them. If you get back together during this time, you will start at phase one again and continue living the same cycles. Your twin seems to have changed for real this time, now it’s really going to work! If you are not physically together during this phase, you might be able to communicate with them telepathically (like I did) and have a relationship in the 5D. You feel like it’s just a matter of time before you can physically connect again. But the more you hold on to this dream, the more you feel it is time to let go.

7. The Release

The final phase will be the final release. You have learned all you needed to learn, but your twin doesn’t seem to have learned the same. You start to see who they really are: a narcissist. You have to accept at some point that they will not change. You realise your values are not the same, and you want to protect yourself from being stuck in this dynamic. You learned to love yourself so much that you know the only right thing to do is let them go. You feel thankful for all that they taught you, and you will love them unconditionally because they made you love yourself. This is when you can truly release your false twin flame relationship.

The Real Twin Flame

So was the connection all an illusion? Was it one-sided and did your false twin never truly love you? No, it was real. It wasn’t just a narcissistic relationship, it really was a twin flame dynamic. Both of you felt this connection, and that is why it’s so hard to face the reality. You have seen the true (beautiful) soul of this person, and all you want is the best for them. But it can only be your real twin flame if the other person also heals. And they might never do that.

You probably meet other false twins during your life, and each time it will reveal more core traumas. Until the moment you are ready to choose what is best for you. To start something with a person who feels safe and isn’t showing any toxic behaviour. Somebody who isn’t afraid to commit to you and love you for who you are. Somebody who is not trying to change you, and can let you be yourself. Somebody who knows a relationship has ups and downs, and won’t abandon you the moment things get tough. And somebody who has done the work themselves. Somebody who is on the same vibrational frequency as you.

You won’t meet them until you have worked through your shadows and triggers. And I can assure you, you wouldn’t have been ready for them before your false twin came into your life.

So embrace the lessons your false twin teaches you, and know when it’s time to let go. Better things are right around the corner.

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