The 5-Step Weeding Process to a Happy Life

Sometimes You Need To Get Rid of a Few People From Your Life

What doesn't serve you shouldn’t be a part of your ecosystem

It is as simple as the title suggests. Sometimes you need to get rid of people that compromise your well-being. At the very least, have a barrier from people that take away your energy. You may not consider them toxic because you are friends or even family. Friends and family are supposed to be your ally. Your keeper. Your safe place. Often, they are not. Especially if you don’t subscribe to their world values or life goals. You’d be surprised how much damage can happen from close quarters.

Think of your family. Do they get you? Do they bring the best out of you at all times? Don’t worry; I'm in the same boat. And I have worked hard on myself to be where I am. You are not alone.

Lessons learned

COVID-19 gave us a reckoning of what is important. Our physical and mental well-being together takes us to our happy place. It helps us carry our sunshine daily. The pandemic also made us aware that nothing should be taken for granted. Time, friendships, riches, health — life itself.

Our time on earth is limited and depleting. We must seize the moment every day, do the things we love that bring us joy, and spend more time with the people we care about. We should make memories rather than collect power and amass things.

This then leads me to the question of truth in friendship. Friendship is more than a word. It's an act; it is a verb. It is something you do to keep that bond of love alive. And truth be told, you cannot do this with a thousand people. Friendship is intimate, and friendship is tender. Friendship can also be highly volatile. Friendship is what you do with a close set of people — maybe 3, 5 or maybe 15. Whatever the number, if it's hundreds, is it friendship? Or are they just acquaintances?

Trim your list, tighten your corners and strengthen your bonds with those where love flows. Because deep friendship matters a lot, they are fast becoming a thing of the past.

The Weeding Process

Friendships do change. People change their needs change. It is okay to lose friends. Sometimes it's even inevitable. There is something healthy about wanting change. It means you have outgrown your current place and time. You need to reassess.

I call this process weeding. It is as simple as plucking out the weeds. When you have weeds in a flowerbed, they suck up all the nutrients from the soil, leaving the earth less rich for your flowers to grow. It would help if you plucked out the weeds to make your soil richer. This would make your flowers healthier. It is no different when dealing with people that suck up energy (your healthy nourishment).

In January 2022, I released my Kindle version of the book on mindfulness — Big little things: to live by. I wrote what I practice every day. Protecting our minds and thoughts is a big part of our wellness. If you get a copy, I hope it does wonders for you. It is important to understand and keep lousy energy out.

The 5-step weeding process for me

Let's talk about the five steps of this weeding process. They are simple. You know them all, but this will give you an easy way to understand and implement them.

1. Identify the energy

It is not only important but essential to surround yourself with good people. People come in all shapes and sizes, and energies. Identify those that have a positive energy towards you. Or, at the very least, who are neutral.

Being around selfish or loud people will leave you exhausted. Not all extroverts are bad, but they may exhaust you easily. Have a read of the topic below. Introverted people can also have negative energy but is easily spotted than an extroverted charmer. The link below has a few takeaway points that could give you an edge in dealing with negative people and sticky situations.

2. Pluck them out

Now that you have identified the rotten eggs, it's time you isolate them. Minimise your interaction with this individual or group that run you dry. Cut the oxygen supply by giving them either less time or no time at all, if that is possible. Put your mental needs first.

WARNING: Energy suckers are often polite and lovely to start with. Till they get your attention, they change once they have your undivided attention. They will forget your needs, and disarm your boundaries persuasively if you let them.

Pluck these rotten eggs and cast them aside in a separate bucket. Yes, you may have friends who are like this. You might even have family members. You need to do this if you care about your mental well-being. This is the hardest step you will have to do in the entire 5-step process. The rest is easy.

3. Let your guilt wither away. Pour a glass of wine for yourself. Feeling guilty about putting a family member in the ‘Rotten box’? I hear you. I had to put my brother in that box. You are not alone.

You will question things in your head. You may feel guilty at times. You might overthink and overprocess at times. It's normal. You might even feel like you are being mean. The truth is — YOU ARE NOT. You are starting to set boundaries. It takes courage and grit.

You are creating a safe zone for yourself. A safe zone that has a marked boundary. These boundaries are the very foundation of a drama-free life. The rules within those boundaries are clear; the messages are transparent and lucid. There is less room for error. People make fewer mistakes.

There is NOTHING to feel guilty about when you go setting boundaries in life. It is incredible to have boundaries. It will reduce overthinking in the future. It will minimise your mental chatter. There is no shame in establishing boundaries with all manner of people.

4. You will notice a change in yourself

In a few months, you’ll start noticing changes. You will find more time to do the things you love more. People will notice your change, and those with empathy and understanding will respect your space even more. Some will complain as they will miss the previous version of you. The older you that was overwhelmed often or felt misunderstood by many.

You must continue to live on your terms. Exercise agency. No need to apologise or answer strangers. This is your life. You make the rules.

5. Stay an awesome weeder

A good life is a lot about making good choices. Choices include creating solid boundaries, plucking out unnecessary people, cutting oxygen to energy suckers and being an awesome weeder.

Weeding is an ongoing job. Weeds keep growing when you leave your garden unattended for long. So make time to weed out the nasties either monthly or quarterly. Life is better in a well-maintained garden.

How do you exercise weeding in a simple way?

If you have a friend or a person you are thinking about, ask yourself — is that friendship worth your time?

• If you think it’s a No — the answer is clear as day
• If you think it’s a may-be — the answer is still NO

Again, weed out unnecessary people and situations that take up room in your head.

The Awesome Gardener Analogy

A gardener had a warm and cozy home with a beautiful garden. Lots of amazing trees and plants and flowers bloomed all year round. He looked after his garden, and his garden stayed beautiful.

But imagine for a moment if the gardener got lazy and forgot to tend to his garden. He let it all go wild and didn’t pluck out weeds or fertilise the soil for months. Instead, he left the dead flowers and twigs rot all around. The water level dropped, and the soil was arid. Soon the garden was a mess. The fallen leaves and dead plants would bring in a putrid smell and undesirable critters. Maybe even animals and snakes that are harmful to human life around.

Our life is quite similar. We need to mend our garden and nourish our minds. We must pluck and groom periodically and learn to be like that good gardener.