An Introvert Dressed as an Extrovert

Are You an Ambivert? Find Out How To Optimise Your Game.

Shy kid back then

Growing up, I was a shy kid who took the time to open up to strangers. It wasn't necessarily fear, but I felt they didn't belong in my camp. My safe place was only for me. I like my routines and creature comfort. Occasionally I may let a close friend in, but the gates were narrow and guarded. I preferred keeping loud and noisy people out.

Fast forward fifteen years, and I became rather chatty. I had an opinion on most people, places, and things. Almost vocal. That phase lasted a while, but I returned to my core being again. I was neither an extrovert (though, to this day, most think I am) nor an introvert. I am genuinely an ambivert. Sometimes it is known as Outgoing introverts, Antisocial extroverts, or Social introverts.

Research has it that most people are ambiverts. Introversion is a spectrum. People move on that scale a fair bit. It’s situational and mood-driven. The best thing for one is knowing what nourishes them and doing more of those, not the things that make them feel uncomfortable or unloved.

People’s energy has a significant influence on me

Certain people can bring out extrovert qualities in me or push me down into a corner and make me uncomfortable. Over the years, I have learned to give this process more thought and reassess my mood. Knowing this helps me optimise my place and time and pick who I choose to spend time with.

Know your Songbirds

If we are being judged or criticised, we shut down. That's an example of someone's energy driving us into introversion. Knowing this, you can flip the situation by thinking of all the people that make you happy. Those that bring you joy. List them on your phone, love them more, and honour them. They are your songbirds.

A simple trick to managing the people that bring the worst out in you?

Like I said earlier, you know the people who bring you down, people you feel uncomfortable with. Please make a list in your head or type their names down on your phone. This exercise will give you a strong headstart. These people might be unavoidable in your life. Example: a coworker you have to deal with daily, your boss, or worse still, a family member—a sibling!

⏳ The best way to deal with them is to limit your time around them.

⏰ Block in time before and after you meet them to do things you love. Or to listen to music, go for a run, hike, or cook a meal you enjoy. Do something you love and enjoy before and after meeting these energy suckers!

In short, know thyself. Timeblock the problematic situation. Keep it short and sharp. Do fun things before and after. Have a playlist handy on your phone that bumps your mood. Or have a book handy that makes you smile. For me, it's watercolour painting.

Introversion, Extroversion, and genetics

Research says about 70% of our personality is genetic. That's a significant percentage. But You can still optimise it, make your life less erratic, and not give the key to your life's happiness to a mean human or situation. We can switch and optimise our introversion and extroversion to give us the edge that sometimes a bad situation or person has on us. You are not limited to what is dished out to you. You have the power to challenge the status and rise above it. Sure, it may need a little practice.

If you want to read further on this checkout, Vanessa Van Edward’s book on ‘Human lie detection and Body Language 101’.