“That’s Nice” — and Other Snarky Compliments to Deflate Your Ego
Don’t hang your creative hat on someone else's opinion of your work.
Being damned with faint praise is a curse, not a blessing. We’ve all been there. We’ve accomplished something and we are proud of it. Maybe we want (need?) to show off a little. It might be great. It might be small. But it’s ours. We own it. We aren’t asking for much. Just a positive acknowledgment of our efforts. And so, we present our little pride and joy to the world, happy and eager to be shown just a little love for all our hard work. And we are greeted with: “That’s nice.’’ “Uh-huh. Good for you.” (With all the weakness and lack of enthusiasm imaginable). A simple nod (no words attached). Not exactly what you were hoping for, is it?
Now, most of the time, your effort to succeed is driven by your own desire for accomplishment — not simply for glory and adulation. I get that. We all have something inside of us that cries out for expression. It could be a writing project, an excellent grade in a difficult course at school or a prize-winning zucchini from your vegetable garden. We created it, we want the world to know. It doesn’t matter what it is — and maybe it doesn’t matter to anyone but you. But you still hope, deep down inside, that someone, somewhere, thinks you produced something worthy of at least a whisper of sincere praise. As difficult as it may be to accept, at the end of the day, the only opinion you need to concern yourself with is your own. Oh sure, a successful writer needs an adoring audience of readers. A great grade transcript is useless unless there’s an employer out there willing to pay for your top-notch knowledge of relevant information. That prize-winning zucchini deserves a blue ribbon before it ends up on your dinner table. There is always a greater goal to be realized after every accomplishment.
TAKE A LOOK IN THE MIRROR
Here’s the catch. If you wait for outside accolades to provide the push you need to go further, grow bigger and expand your goals — and you don’t get it — are you going to allow the lack of positive feedback to deflate your ego and paralyze your ongoing efforts?
Accepting faint praise as the final word on the value of your efforts is a recipe for failure. Do you really need external praise to fuel the fire within? The world is a flaky place. Some days the world loves you and your work. Other days that the same world may kick you to the curb. You have to be strong enough in your own resolve to rise above the weak praise, or the excessive praise, you may receive at any given time. Learn to tell the difference and use praise or criticism for constructive ends — not simply dead ends. You have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and declare — “Yep. I did it! I worked hard to achieve something and I deserve to be proud of where I am at this moment.” You can never allow the weak or nonexistent praise of the outside world to make you complacent. Don’t give up because the world doesn’t think you’re good enough. Continue because you know how good you are and how much better you will be. There is an endless list of successful, talented people whose genius was not recognized in their lifetimes. The point isn’t that you should be willing to settle for posthumous success. The point is that some of the greatest people who ever lived continued to pursue their dreams without a perpetual stream of glory and praise from the world around them. If you can succeed in being one of those people — those who are not dependent on the real or forced praise of others to keep them on the straight and narrow road to their goals — you are one of the lucky ones with the internal fortitude to rise above the struggle and come out on top.
For a look at the other dangerous side of the praise dichotomy, you can read my article on Excessive Praise.
