Ten Ways to Boost Resilience and Bounce Back from Adversity

In 2014, after 22 years, my ex-partner told me they had an affair.

And, it wasn't just a physical fling. My ex-partner expanded their confession to include that an emotional involvement had taken hold.

As you can imagine, knowing this information was devasting but what was most debilitating was their reason for committing such an act of indiscretion.

They phrased their justification by saying, "Your mind is weak; you have bipolar disorder, and I didn't want that passed onto my kids." They had been attempting to have a child behind my back — nothing like kicking a dog when they're down.

“Your mind is weak; you have bipolar disorder, and I didn’t want that passed onto my kids.”

Furthermore, the infidelity appeared even more surreal because we agreed that we did not want children. Occasionally, we would reexamine our agreement, so it was equally shocking and confusing at the time.

Of course, they said it was over, but the damage was done.

It took me two years before I left.

I struggled with whether or not I had done all I could for our relationship. I also needed that time to gather my sense of self and whatever money and belongings I could get my hands on. When that relationship ended, I left with only my clothes, a few kitchen appliances and my two dogs.

No doubt, I had to start all over from scratch.

Yet, even though I'd had a great fall, unlike Humpty-Dumpty, I somehow managed to put myself back together again.

So, how is mental and emotional resilience built exactly?

I explain mental resilience as how we think about ourselves and our life in general.

It's us having a glass-half-full mentality, accepting what we cannot control or alter, keeping our destination at the forefront of our mind, looking at the world from a broader perspective, and forever learning from our problems and setbacks.

On the other hand, emotional resilience involves our feelings about ourselves and our lives. For instance, when you think of yourself positively, what emotions appear?

We may experience happiness, love, joy, contentment, peace, kindness, and finally, being realistically hopeful during those times. All emotions we struggle to absorb when our darker sides take over.

But many studies show that those with resilience demonstrate lower levels of depression and are more successful in their personal development than those who exude low resilience levels.

So, wouldn't it make sense then to use our energy towards cultivating these thoughts and feelings, especially since building our resilience brings us so many rewards?

By doing so, we can boost our resilience factor in the following ways:

1. Develop a positive self-image. Doing your best to see yourself in a positive light and think well of yourself is essential as a resilient person.
2. Focus on growing and securing interpersonal relationships. Strong social networks (family, friends, colleagues) are your source of support when crises strike.
3. Have an attitude of gratitude. Being thankful goes a long way towards helping to stop ruminating about problems and maintain an effective yet positive mindset.
4. View the good. An optimistic perspective sees stressful times as learning and growth opportunities versus exhaustive suffering.
5. Be proactive instead of reactive. There's no place for passive victimhood. Instead, be accountable for your own life and take control of circumstances to make change happen.
6. Accept what cannot be changed. Engaging in this thought process prevents using needless energy to achieve the impossible. Think serenity prayer.
7. Take on a goal-setting mindset. But, first, you must know where you're headed. Setbacks are inevitable, but you can direct the path chosen despite those challenges.
8. Hold an expansive worldview. Make sure to look at the bigger picture because it makes problems less important. No one thrives while living in a bubble.
9. Expect positive outcomes. Maintaining a hopeful outlook manifests the best and most beneficial results. There's no need for a 'rainbows and unicorns' mentality, but it's not realistic to be a pessimist either.
10. Extract and reflect on life lessons. Become a learner of life and all that comes with it, including that which emanates from traumatic experiences.

Overall, developing our resilience will serve us greatly in the long run.

The stress of it all no longer makes us vulnerable, isolating and withdrawing from others becomes obsolete, and we involve ourselves in contributing to our communities in a more meaningful way.

Besides, our lives hold more meaning and more hope that, when projected outward, can transform and empower ourselves and others. So, don't hesitate to incorporate and make the most of those ways to boost your resilience.

Now, what of that relationship?

Not sure what's happened to my ex-partner. We stopped communicating long ago, but I genuinely wish them all the best.

As for me, I attribute my ability to bounce back from such a tragic event to umpteen years of exposure to similar, if not more difficult, traumatic situations and having to resolve those circumstances no matter what independently.

Thus, despite how unfortunate it might sound, repeated tragedy built the foundation on which my mental and emotional resilience rests.

And as a result, I'm blessed to have that base to draw from time and time again.

Here are a few reflective prompts to help you gather your thoughts on resilience: • When would you say was the defining moment in your life where you realized you had resilience? • What advice would you have for your former self before you learned to build resilience? • Name two things you'll do in the next three days to boost your ability to bounce back.

Also, if you're unsure whether or not you have resilience, make sure to read this article to find out more.👇

Source List

"What Is Resilience? Your Guide to Facing Life's Challenges, Adversities, and Crises." 11 Dec. 2020, https://www.everydayhealth.com/wellness/resilience/. Accessed on 16 Jan. 2022.

Edward, Karen-Leigh. (2005). Resilience: A Protector From Depression. Journal of The American Psychiatric Nurses Association. 11. 241–243. https://doi.org/10.1177/1078390305281177. Retrieved on 16 Jan. 2022

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