Ten Plausible Reasons Why Women’s Clothing Lacks Pockets

Summary

The article humorously explores ten satirical reasons why women's clothing often lacks functional pockets, suggesting societal and economic factors at play.

Abstract

The article "Ten Plausible Reasons Why Women’s Clothing Lacks Pockets" delves into the longstanding issue of the scarcity of functional pockets in women's apparel. It humorously presents ten satirical explanations, ranging from societal fears of women's empowerment to the influence of the purse industry. The piece suggests that the lack of pockets may be a deliberate attempt to control women's autonomy, from limiting their ability to carry personal items to preventing them from accessing tools like pepper spray for self-defense. It also touches on historical and cultural misconceptions about gender roles and the fashion industry's reluctance to adapt to modern needs.

Opinions

The article implies that society fears women with pockets because it might lead to demands for higher pay and more rights.
It satirically suggests that the lack of pockets is rooted in a children's book that warns of women making increasingly outlandish demands if given pockets.
The piece humorously posits that pockets could be used by women to hide their hands, implying they might be lying, particularly about emotional commitments or contraception.
It facetiously claims that pockets could empower women, likening them to witches with access to alternate dimensions, thus threatening the status quo.
The article alleges that the purse industry lobbies against pocket equality to maintain profits from bag sales.
It mocks the notion that some policymakers believe women are biologically tied to their purses, opposing the idea of pocketed clothing.
The piece suggests men are against women having pockets due to fears of losing the intimacy of hand-holding and the visibility of their relationship status.
It humorously argues that pockets on women could lead to wearing pants, which might distract men with thoughts of women's bodies.
The article posits that pockets would give women easier access to self-defense tools, making them less vulnerable to stalking and unwanted advances.
It humorously speculates that the fashion industry is unaware of women's desire for pockets, harking back to a time when pockets were standard for all until the 1920s, and perhaps as retribution for women gaining the right to vote.

Fashion is fickle but our desire for pockets is not

For too long women have struggled to find garments with decent pockets. Sometimes they think they’ve struck the jackpot only to discover that the pockets were purely decorative, rather than functional. I always wondered why we are constantly blocked from equal pocket access. Now, after much contemplation, I think I uncovered ten possible reasons why pockets remain elusive in women’s clothing.

1. Deep pockets would allow women to see how little they are making in traditionally underpaid industries. This would lead to them demanding more pay, and we can’t have that. Think of the economy!

2. When those in charge of pocket making decisions were children they read the book If You Give a Woman Pockets. The general plot reveals that should you budge an inch, a woman will make increasingly ludicrous demands. One memorable stanza goes, “If you give a woman pockets, she’s gonna ask for the vote. If you give her the vote, she’s going to vote with her emotions.” So it’s really in society’s best interest that pockets and women don’t mix.

3. A woman might use pockets to hide her hands. This can only be because she is crossing her fingers to hide her devious lies, like when she says, “I love you,” or, “I’m on birth control.” Best to keep the lying to a minimum by keeping pocket access to a minimum.

4. All women are witches, if they are given the right tools. One of which is pockets. By some alchemy pockets will allow them to open an alternate dimension where no one is arguing about the most basic reproductive rights or if the main character in a popular franchise should be female.

5. Big Bag is paying lobbyists to stop pocket equality. If women have pockets they might stop carrying large bags. This will cause profits of Big Bag to decrease significantly.

6. The fashion regulators in Washington are older gentleman who for some reason believe that babies are attached to their mothers by purses, rather than umbilical cords. A woman who is demanding pockets is therefore fighting against her biological destiny.

7. Men fear women will no longer hold their clammy hands in public once they discover the comforting dry warmth of pockets. Plus men can’t be sure if other men who cross their path will be aware that the woman with hands in her pockets is taken. How else will it be known a claim has been made? Pockets are only for women who are looking to cheat, they who deny us pockets assume.

8. Pockets are the gateway fashion trend that leads to wearing pants. Once she wears a garment that accentuates her butt, men will think about her butt. Then she will think about her butt. The fashion overlords are merely looking after her purity when they deny ladies the roomy pockets so loved by men.

9. Women will have easier access to pepper spray, making them harder to stalk. If you can’t stalk them, how will they know you want to date them? Men will be afraid to ask a woman walking alone at night if she would like to go on a date because of said pepper spray or other weapons. Which means they will never get married. Which means they will never have children. The population will decrease. Humans will go extinct. All this chaos because a few uppity women wanted real pockets.

10. Those who produced clothing for the past 100 years don’t realize how much women want pockets because they take their own for granted. Plus they don’t know that pockets were actually very much in style for everyone until the 1920s. Oh no! They are punishing us because of the vote, aren’t they?

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