First Date Ideas for Women Looking for Love But Who Fear Being Murdered

Summary

The article provides humorous and safety-conscious first date ideas for women seeking love without compromising their safety.

Abstract

The article titled "First Date Ideas for Women Looking for Love But Who Fear Being Murdered" offers a satirical take on the precarious balance between romance and personal safety in the modern dating scene. It suggests four unique date locations that are both fun and have built-in safety measures: a county fair, an ATM, a game of hide and seek in the woods, and a roller rink. The author emphasizes the importance of being in public, under surveillance, or in a position where escape is possible to mitigate the risk of ending up as a victim of a crime, as often depicted in true crime podcasts.

Opinions

The author believes that women should not let their fear of being murdered overshadow their desire for companionship, suggesting strategic date choices instead.
Country fairs are seen as safe due to the presence of large crowds from nearby small towns, which act as a deterrent to crime due to their tendency to gossip and observe newcomers.
ATMs are recommended for more intimate encounters because they are equipped with cameras, providing a sense of security against potential violence.
Engaging in a game of hide and seek in the woods is humorously compared to survival tactics from "The Hunger Games," with the idea that if a date cannot find you, they cannot harm you.
The author suggests that roller rinks offer a fun, retro environment where potential victims can quickly skate away from danger, unlike in situations where high heels might hinder escape.

Don’t end up on a true crime podcast

Ideally most women want to end their date with a kiss. Unfortunately a few unlucky lasses will end their date with being dismembered in a bathtub, if true crime podcasts have taught me anything. So what’s a girl looking for love to do? Well, don’t let your fear of being murdered overcome your fears of being alone. There are ways to have a strategic fun when meeting up with a stranger. Just check out some of these fool-proof date ideas that will keep the romance, and you, alive.

1. A jaunt to a County Fair

Country fairs are a rural treat. Rides, prizes, very large hogs, basically everything you can see at Disneyland. Except the hog is actually a hog, not an underpaid seasonal worker. Show that date that you’re the real prize as you chow on fried food and learn each other’s secrets. Don’t worry about being murdered because these fairs are known for the local crowds.

And since they’re generally packed with people from small towns nearby that means you can be assured of one thing. Being observed wherever you go. There’s nothing a small town community likes more than something new to gossip about. That means they’ll be watching your back for signs of hanky-panky or homicide. So enjoy the large vegetables, petting zoos, and continuing to exist.

Illustrations by author

2. Have that first kiss in an ATM

If you’re looking for something a little steamier, how about ending the night in an ATM? PDA is not everyone’s cup of tea, but being tied up in a trunk on the way to the nearest lake is also pretty anxiety-inducing, so get over it.

ATMs are equipped with cameras! Feel safe while getting hot and heavy with a stud you can’t resist, knowing he’ll have to resist murdering you because he’ll be recognized the next day after appearing on the news.

3. Enjoy a game of hide and seek in the woods

Now I know what you’re thinking. This seems exactly like the kind of thing you’re told to avoid by those aforementioned podcasts. But take a moment and think about it critically. If he can’t find you, he can’t kill you. Pull a page from the The Hunger Games and hide in a tree for safety. Or choose an equally hard-to-see spot to conceal yourself. I strongly suggest pre-scouting the location for max survival likelihood.

Once you’re concealed wait and watch his reaction. If he doesn’t pull out a weapon, or if he seems really worried after 7 hours, then you have some potential boyfriend material right there. Or a really dedicated killer. Be careful when you wish for commitment, because you just might get it!

4. Go to a roller rink

This activity is so retro! Imagine the cute 1950s outfit you’ll get to wear. You’ll hold hands as you both laugh and try not to fall. Couple’s songs play regularly so you can spend quality time together as you try not to clothesline children who don’t realize that some people are trying to find the one here.

Roller rinks also offer you the best footwear. If you see murder in his eyes you can get away. On a dinner date you might be hindered by your heels. Now, you can just out-skate the psycho.