Prompt Challenge | Know Thyself Heal Thyself
Talking To Myself
Foray into the unknown
I’m going to do something I don’t always do. I’m going to respond to a prompt. More specifically, I’m going to respond to Marilyn Flower’s prompt challenge she included me in on recently from her compelling piece below:
I was in the middle of a wandering, directionless poem about Zhuangzi, butterflies, caterpillars, and reverse evolution that I was going to aim at Lucy Dan 蛋小姐 (she/her/她)’s Brain Is A Noodle.
I’m tagging you, Lucy, to let you know I will not disappoint. It’s in the pot on half flame as we speak. Just needs a bit of soy, ginger, and maybe a touch of cilantro. You can now go back to what you were doing before I interrupted you.
Marilyn poses three questions in her bold piece about having an open-ended dialogue with yourself.
- What do I need to know today?
- Who (the hell) am I?
- What’s my single-minded purpose?
The first question makes me draw an absolute blank. Maybe there was too much salt in my lunch. I am resisting the urge to take a siesta. I am not saying this to pour cold water on the challenge. I am telling you this to let you in on how this piece is unfolding, without editing, so you are under no illusions. Call it transparency.
What do I need to know today?
I really don’t know. Is it possible I don’t need to know anything today? I’m not feeling the urge to know something. If I venture into fantasy, I would like to know how I can quit my customer service job and make a living wage by writing. But the fact that this is fantasy kind of takes the wind out of it for me. I’m forced to play the fatalist and realist.
It could simply be a case of bad timing, as my most recent poem describes my current state of mind perfectly.
And given we are heading into yet another recession, and I probably won’t be retiring until past 70, I cannot muster a more inspired response.
Let me skip this first question and go to number two.
Who (the hell) am I?
Nothing grandiose really. Just a writer. Tired, somewhat. I’ve seen a lot of dreams rise and fall. The state of the world worries me. Covid, nuclear war, wealth inequality, inflation, disease, climate change, and mortality all worry me. The seeming inability of the world to realistically deal with these pressing challenges worries me.
Some days my partner notes I have a bit of the monkey in me, a bit of the devil. Probably. I love to play. The spirit of play drives me to write just as much as the need to truthfully record my experience does. So maybe I’m a hodgepodge.
Let me move on to number three.
What is my single minded purpose?
I think it’s simply to write my best stuff. My most authentic and honest material. I want to connect genuinely with the world and share the full wonder and horror of the human experience as I know it. I find the whole affair to be tragicomic in nature, and I try to express this in my poetry and satire.
I’m pleased I am able to answer number three. I believe I am already fulfilling number three. Number two and one will have to sit on the burner some more, although I think I half-answered number two.
Don’t mistake me either. I used to be an intense seeker of meaning (probably still am to some degree). It’s just that I’m less passionate and more heart-broken today than I was, say, in my twenties.
I think the world is at least half made in profound sadness. If there is a God, He or She or It is half-depressed. Maybe even semi-suicidal. Maybe happily destructive, like the Hindu Goddess, Kali. Who knows?
So even when I smile, the sadness is still there. I don’t mind it anymore. I don’t try to step on it like a rat on the floor, or smack it like a mosquito on my arm. It is just the bitter to sweet, the blue to red, the night to day.
There will never be a day in my life where I will have my cake and eat it.
Never.
I am reconciled to this. This is me at 40. Who knows, maybe I will sound different when I’m 60, if I am still alive. I am open to change. I am not stuck on thinking or feeling a certain way.
I am only here to report what is most authentic and true about the present moment I am writing in.
I will leave this conversation here for now.
To be continued.
© Carlo Zeno 2022
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Thank you to Marilyn Flower for the prompt challenge, and to KTHT for the platform. You can support here, or read two more pieces below 🙏