Taking on a Lonely Challenge

Summary

The author reflects on the distinction between loneliness and being alone, sharing personal insights on their solitary life, the desire for companionship, and the challenges of opening up to others.

Abstract

The author of the article delves into the theme of February's writing prompt, "Weeds & Wildflowers," focusing on the personal experience of being alone versus feeling lonely. Despite living with his daughter, the author describes a sense of loneliness that persists, emphasizing the intentional choice to maintain privacy and the subsequent lack of deep connections with others. The piece reveals the author's struggle with the need for human interaction, despite past negative experiences that have led to building emotional walls. The author briefly mentions a foray into online dating that was quickly abandoned, suggesting a complex relationship with the idea of finding companionship.

Opinions

The author believes there is a significant difference between being alone and being lonely, suggesting that one can feel lonely even in the company of others.
They value their daughter's presence but acknowledge the need for conversations and connections beyond their familial relationship.
The author considers themselves an intensely private person, which has resulted in a small social circle and limited opportunities for deeper friendships.
Past attempts to open up to others have led to negative experiences, reinforcing the author's guarded nature.
The author has a pragmatic view of companionship, recognizing the desire for it while also being cautious about finding the right person.
They express a moment of vulnerability by admitting to trying out Facebook Dating, indicating a willingness to explore new avenues for connection despite skepticism.
The author identifies as a "nice guy" who is occasionally a "pain in the ass," suggesting a self-awareness and acceptance of their complex personality.
They encourage readers to support the cause of ending food insecurity by donating to Dining for Hunger, demonstrating a sense of social responsibility.

Taking on a Lonely Challenge

I’ll repeat myself; there’s a difference between being lonely and alone

If I had to describe my life, this would be it. © Bruce Coulter Photography

I was asked to take part in this month’s writing prompt. It’s a subject I’ve become well versed in; being alone vs. being lonely. It wasn’t long ago that I realized I had no one to talk with.

Mind you, my daughter lives with me, so I’m not “alone.” But as I alluded to last time, she’s my daughter. We can share many discussions, but some we don’t have. I believe that’s a personal choice we’ve made equally.

Briana is my co-road warrior, a role she’s filled since long before COVID crept into our consciousness. She has to make a life of her own. She will hang out with her co-workers, most of whom are her age, and I encourage it. But Briana should not learn to bear the times I’m lonely.

Not that I think she could tell. Briana’s a helluva lot smarter than I am, but I’m a champion poker player in the game of life, and I do not have a poker face. Sorry, Gaga.

It wasn’t too long ago that I had the urge to talk with another human being, not my daughter, presuming I could find someone to listen to my bullshit. Unfortunately, I’m an intensely private person. If you were trying to get to know me, you’d be between a rock and a hard place. Thus, I had no one to call.

I have a small circle of friends, but they don’t get past the front door, either. I let one person in years ago, which turned into a bleep show. We renewed our relationship at a long distance for a time, but it went sour again, and I closed that chapter of my life permanently.

I don’t mind being alone, but I’ve walled myself in, to some extent. Sure, I’ve had chances, but I knew it wasn’t the right time or person. I have liberal and conservative friends — and they’re good people, but I’m not James Carville, and there are no Mary Matalins I’d care to hang around.

I realize loneliness is a state of mind. I can be surrounded by thousands of people in a football stadium and still be lonely and alone.

I’ve found solemnity in loneliness. For the most part, I’m good with that. But like other human beings, my heart desires companionship. In a moment of lunacy, I signed up for Facebook Dating. I canceled it in less than a week. Lesson learned.

I’ve made many mistakes in my 64 years, too damn many to count. But perhaps one day, I’ll find someone to chat with over a cup of coffee or dinner. I’m not looking to impress anyone. I prefer being who I am: a nice guy who can occasionally be a pain in the ass.

Cheers!

I accept tips, which go directly to Dining for Hunger, a recognized 501(c)(3) organization that looks to end food insecurity. If you can spare a dollar or two, I’d be grateful.

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